To not even bother sending my child to school?

I notice the OP made no mention of asking her child how she feels about being removed from school by her mother. If her father, who I assume has some parental responsibility is not happy with the OPs plan and the child does not want it either then I assume the father could go to court to get a decision as to what is best for the child. At the moment it looks like the mother doesn't luke the secondary school options and only her opinion matters. I beg to differ. If the child wants to be home educated then that is different.

Honestly you sound like a wonderful mum and with your skills and knowledge are perfectly placed to home school her. I think it would be a wonderful gift to her to help her thrive. I do feel sad for all the kids that dont have this opportunity though. Every child should be able to thrive.

No one knows what will work best for your daughter better than you do. My son is AuDHD and probably has Tourette’s too. He’s 16 and in mainstream secondary doing his GCSEs. Although at times it’s been really hard, it’s been good for him socially as he’s build a good group of friends. The school has a huge range of clubs which has helped him find his people I think.

I agree with your reasoning. If you already know the SEN support at the local schools is poor, and you can afford the time and cost of home educating, then I would choose that. (I also would not personally go with her dad's approach of 'try it and see'...this could completely destroy her and leave her in a much worse position than had she not tried at all.)

You probably already know, but most museums and some zoos have regular home education days, where children being home educated can come for free or a small cost to learn something specific, taught by an expert; so your DD would have a chance to socialise with others her age, should she wish. Good luck, OP. It's dreadful that this is the only 'choice' for so many people.

I think you have to approach this on the basis that you'll be doing it for seven full academic years (and I know you're not required to follow the academic year whilst home educating but it will make sense to do so when she's older).

Kids who can't cope with secondary school at 11 aren't going to be able to cope with it at 13/14. It's the wrong environment (and even with an EHCP there are things about the environment that can't be changed). You may be lucky and find a sixth form / FE College that takes kids in Year 10 for some of the week but that's not guaranteed.

In some circumstances it makes sense to try the mainstream secondary school knowing it'll fail spectacularly within a few weeks - it becomes strong evidence of need. If you're thinking there are realistically circumstances where you might have to stop home educating then it may be worth doing this. Yes, there's considerable risk attached - with the potential for it to be very difficult to help a child transition into any other school in the future.

Haven't read the full thread, but this is exactly where I was this time last year. I really didn't know what to do the best and my instincts were telling me not to send my autistic, dyspraxic, ADHD son to the local secondary school with the fairly poor reputation. However, we decided to try it as my husband was worried about the practicalities of home ed when we both work. It has been brilliant for him so far. He has found a small group of friends and genuinely enjoys going in. His anxiety was through the roof in the run up to starting and we very nearly didn't manage to get him in on the first day, but now here we are halfway through the school year and he's like a different kid. Don't get me wrong, there are still struggles, but I guess that's life... We can't remove every hurdle for our kids.
Anyway, just some food for thought 🤔

Trust your instincts. Home educate her and apply for an EHCP at the same time. You gave nothing to lose in applying tbh.

And, more importantly, they were both happy and confident children before starting Reception. That soon got knocked out of them before the end of KS1.

Our family thrived in COVID. With us all being ND, we don't feel the need to be around other people and we didn't miss it.

What it did show me was how much my eldest child was struggling to understand what was going on in the lesson even though she was academically able. It showed me that either the school was completely oblivious to her needs and the anxiety this caused or that they were lying to me when they said she was 'fine' in school. In the end, myself or her Dad had to sit next to her off camera to offer prompts and assistance to help her to keep up.

And the cost, stress and hell we went through to get those EHCPs was phenomenal.

If I'd had my time again, knowing what I know now, I'd have home edded from day one of Primary School. Both of my kids were ahead academically in numeracy and literacy on starting Reception because I loved playing with them, going to groups together and teaching them as we went. For example, we'd spot the numbers in the supermarket aisles and sounded out signs together.

As they got older, I would have done part tuition and part following interests.

I agree. My girl had an EHCP and still didn't manage at mainstream.

She ended up going to a specialist school where she was much happier and received really good GCSE grades, particularly given everything that she'd been through, missing two terms of year 7 and all of year 8. The specialist school simply understood her needs.

When my younger child with similar needs started to break in Primary school, I decided to take earlier action and didn't force them in. I encouraged every day but if the response was dysregulation, then I didn't push like I'd done for my eldest child.

My younger child also didn't cope in Year 7 mainstream and so left. Was out of school until starting specialist in year 9 and is also doing really well. Predicted good GCSE grades and says that they feel like they belong in that school whereas they never felt like that in mainstream.They felt different and like an outcast in mainstream.

Take a guess whose mental health is much, much better? And, as their mental health is better, they are also achieving outside of school as well as in it. They are thinking about their future options whereas my elder girl is not likely to cope independently for many years due to her experience.

That is the true and long term impact of forcing ND kids into mainstream environments. With that lack of independence and level of need, it also hampers my career and the number of hours that I can work.

All of these shortsighted decisions about trying to save money by placing these kids in wrong environment costs the country and absolute fortune in the long run. It means that I pay less tax, my older girl needs support from healthcare and is nowhere near ready or able to work or even volunteer.

Hi op. I really empathise with you. I haven't read the whole thread yet, but I have read all your posts. I am in a very similar position to you. I actually have two autistic children. My eldest (dd) started secondary last September, and it's going well so far. I was never especially comcerned about her, as my feeling was/is that it'll be OK for her. She has a strong friendship group (mostly of other neurodivergent children) and seems to manage well. My son however, currently in year 5, is completely different. He sounds very like your dd in many ways, and I am also starting to get pretty anxious about the start of secondary, as I feel much, much less confident about him. I am in a very similar position to you... I run my own small business from home, and am considering the possibility of home schooling him too.

Secondary school is just worlds away from the primary schools. His current school is so wonderful and supportive. The staff and students too are so caring.

I don't have advice really, as I'm a step behind you at the moment, but just wanted to offer solidarity. At the moment, I am leaning towards sending him to the local secondary when the time comes, but letting him know that withdrawing him and home schooling is always a back-up option. So at least he has that knowledge and the comfort and security it may bring him.

The process is supposed to take a maximum of 20 weeks, and there are steps you can take to enforce time limits (e.g. a threat of judicial review) if the local authority misses deadlines.

Of course it will grind to a halt if the LA refuses to assess or refuses to issue an EHCP and you have to appeal, but that can happen at any time. The law does emphasise that, in making these decisions, LA should look at what the child will need in the future, not just what she needs now.

Would the current school support you in saying your daughter will need an EHCP in secondary? If so, that should carry quite a lot of weight.

My daughter did one for a while that allowed you to choose as many or as few subjects as you wanted. I don't know if that's still the case, but some were full time, and then I chose the one I did so I could fit in other home Ed activities.
It was actually great for quite a while and had loads of ND kids. They organised school trips etc and it worked quite well. She made friends.
I then managed to get her back into a school, because I was trying to save money. That failed. Pushed to get a PRU for emotional problems (rather than behavioural). That was actually really good, but it was a ridiculously long fight.
My other kid did go through mainstream with an ehcp and only changing school once, then to college, but actually he's the most affected by school out of the three.
The other one I even got him into a sen school for the last 3years, and even that was in hindsight barely OK, and even that school now has over double the number of kids in each class as it did then, and I've worked there now too, and I honestly think, if I knew then what I know now, I would have saved all of us the trauma and pain of it all.
Life doesn't actually have to be shit.

All of the local secondary schools have parents complaining about their SEND offer including the one DD goes to. We picked it as I said because it was small and friendly and it has been great so far.
And they've also picked up on some of DD emotional needs, though academics are more of a worry for us. Even if other parents have a beef with a particular school, it's worth looking at. Even if it's quite far/you haven't thought of it yet. If I believed all the other parents DD wouldn't have a school yet.

But during COVID you will have had materials from school and no meet ups...

Sorry, I think I did. This is a surprisingly fast moving thread for the subject matter!

The really positive thing here is you do have experience, you so have time, and you could afford some online classes. You do have options.

While you explore them you can thoroughly investigate the school you are offered tomorrow (you did apply, right?)

I think you might have quoted the wrong person? My post wasn’t about the white paper.

I think we will really need to wait to see exactly what happens. Many proposals in white papers don’t go on to become legislation. But anyone who thinks the proposals are a good idea should look at the system in Wales and how transition to IDPs has worked (or not!) and the system Scotland.

I think though, that that is rather the point. HE can have plenty of social interaction if and when it's right for the child. But being surrounded by a class full of other children all the time is a nightmare for some children, the worst possible thing. Not being invited to parties or after school clubs etc is somewhat a blessing for them.

As OP says she works flexibly, I'm guessing it's possible for her to tailor social stuff at her daughter's pace.

OP, if you think you can make it work, and your daughter is on board, then do it. I think you'll see her happier.

Personally, I wouldn’t wait for independent assessments before requesting an EHCNA. Anyone good with experience of writing medico-legal reports for SENDIST will have a waiting list, even if relatively short, and OP doesn’t want to delay requesting an EHCNA, IMO. LAs act unlawfully all the time even if there is robust evidence.

Unless money is no object, she may also want to target her money. For example,em if she has to appeal refusal to issue, she may decide the LA’s EP report is satisfactory, not brilliant but enough for now to get over the threshold, but she desperately needs an OT report.

And if she has to appeal refusal to assess, refusal to issue and content/placement, the reports may well be over 3 years old by the time of the BFI appeal. So she might then need an updated report or addendum.

Listen OP I was in your shoes a few years ago with DD16. I did have the option for a small private all girls school that has been wonderful for her. Our local secondary was a shitshow for SEN and as a lone parent I could not home school.

In your shoes I would do what you suggest. There are some amazing online schools as well. One of my friends has had the situation you dread with her DD, and now she is online schooling she is thriving. They do day trips etc as well too as part of the syllabus so it’s a mix.

My DD is now at a small FE college, so I’d look at the next few years as just positive steps towards the next phase.

Not between now and September, no.

The process hasn't been started, the school is clearly avoidant and there are only 20 weeks left until the end of year 6.

That doesn't mean it's not worth doing, of course. It'd be through before GCSE choices for sure.