Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stay in bed when DP gets up with his child?

216 replies

probablynoted · 28/02/2026 19:54

DP and I have lived together for 2 years, he has a son aged 5. There is constant tension because I don’t wake up on the weekends he’s here when he gets up (around 6am).

He is with us Monday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday every week.

DP has made comments saying “I’ve been lonely” when I’ve woken up around 8:30/9 and joined them in the living room. Weekdays I usually am up anyway because of work.

DP has said that going forward he wants us to be a “family” which involves me waking up and having breakfast together. He also expects me to look after his son if he’s going on a night out. For example, he’s told me next Saturday he’s out with friends. I’ve said I’m not able to look after his son, so he’s asked his mum (DPs mum).

Hes said that if we have a baby he’ll enjoy all the lie ins in getting.

aibu to not wake up with him and his little boy?

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 01/03/2026 00:23

What he wants is for you to get up and look after his child while he sits back and enjoys scrolling through his phone and drinking coffee.

You need to end this relationship.

It's easy to see why he's separated from the mother of his child.

ThiagoJones · 01/03/2026 00:18

Missj25 · 01/03/2026 00:15

How come you guys have his son every weekend, mostly it’s every second weekend when couples split up ?.
If you two are serious about one another, & you are taking on role of being step mum to your partners little boy, well then I don’t see anything wrong with you get up one morning, he gets up the other 🤷🏻‍♀️.
Like what’s the story here ?
Are you serious about building a family unit together or what ??

Show quote history

But why though? He shares the early mornings 50:50 with his son’s mum. Why does he then need to share them his days 50:50 with the OP?

Missj25 · 01/03/2026 00:15

probablynoted · 28/02/2026 19:54

DP and I have lived together for 2 years, he has a son aged 5. There is constant tension because I don’t wake up on the weekends he’s here when he gets up (around 6am).

He is with us Monday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday every week.

DP has made comments saying “I’ve been lonely” when I’ve woken up around 8:30/9 and joined them in the living room. Weekdays I usually am up anyway because of work.

DP has said that going forward he wants us to be a “family” which involves me waking up and having breakfast together. He also expects me to look after his son if he’s going on a night out. For example, he’s told me next Saturday he’s out with friends. I’ve said I’m not able to look after his son, so he’s asked his mum (DPs mum).

Hes said that if we have a baby he’ll enjoy all the lie ins in getting.

aibu to not wake up with him and his little boy?

How come you guys have his son every weekend, mostly it’s every second weekend when couples split up ?.
If you two are serious about one another, & you are taking on role of being step mum to your partners little boy, well then I don’t see anything wrong with you get up one morning, he gets up the other 🤷🏻‍♀️.
Like what’s the story here ?
Are you serious about building a family unit together or what ??

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 01/03/2026 00:09

Jlom · 28/02/2026 21:26

It sounds like he went for 50:50 to avoid paying maintenance and then to avoid actually looking after the kid, he had to find someone to do the childcare for free.

A friend of mine dumped her awful ex because it dawned on her that she was sat at home on Saturday nights looking after his child, whilst both parents were out partying with their friends. He managed to get someone else pregnant on one of those nights out, so that women is probably looking after both his children now.

this is a real shocker. Your poor friend!! I would be fuming if my child’s dad did this

nomas · 28/02/2026 23:52

This man sees you as an unpaid nanny and housekeeper.

Proceed at your peril, don’t say you weren’t warned.

Mumofteentwins · 28/02/2026 23:39

As so often, the first post nails it

BubbleFree · 28/02/2026 23:34

I’m sure I’ve Red this before on here…

Flamingojune · 28/02/2026 23:33

Did the fact that he had a toddler not give you pause for thought when you started dating?

GreyTS · 28/02/2026 23:24

Sad to say but some men deliberately get involved with women (nice women)in order to avoid what they see as the unimportant, day to day grind of having a child….ie walking up early, providing regular and healthy meals, discipline etc et. They can see that these things are important, so they are good dads, not like the lads that take their kids to McDonalds, but they can spot a good woman, she’ll get involved, do the mum stuff, while he lives his life…..and so many women go along with this because who is capable of not getting involved. But if you do it for them you are robbing their children, better that dad does it badly than not at all, so if you being around makes him lazy, better you leave, you’re doing no one any favours. Imagine waking up in 10 years, you’ve done everything for this kid and they’ll still say you are not mum, even though you’ve compensated for their shit dad, long and perhaps a bit rambling but a woman can never win in a situation where a man is a lazy dad

Flamingojune · 28/02/2026 23:14

Why did he split up with his childs mother

cadburyegg · 28/02/2026 23:12

My kids are now 11 and nearly 8, so if they get up early on weekends now they know they can play quietly/watch tv/get themselves cereal. I have no interest in getting up at 6am, my time doing that with babies and toddlers is over, so if I met a man who expected this of me with his younger child then I’d run for the hills. Absolutely no way. And expecting you to babysit when he goes out, sure it’d be nice for you to offer to help out occasionally but that should be your choice not an expectation. You’re a partner not a free live in nanny.

YiddlySquat · 28/02/2026 23:07

He sounds like a catch.

You sure he doesn’t just want a live-in babysitter OP? I can bet my bottom dollar if you split up he’d suddenly have his son less

Anyway YANBU. I stay in bed when it’s my own kids, certainly wouldn’t get up for someone else’s

Uticary · 28/02/2026 23:07

Run, as fast as you can.
He's a nasty loser and he has actually threatened you.

You would want to be out of your mind to stay and have a child with a man who has spelt out his plan to abuse you when you have his child.

Ffs, wake up OP.
He's a horror.

Mosman2020 · 28/02/2026 23:05

PeloMom · 28/02/2026 22:38

I thought so too. But from what I remember the other OP supposedly dumped the loser?

Show quote history

Apparently not

Mosman2020 · 28/02/2026 23:04

Haven’t we had this conversation before this thread seems remarkably familiar?

Copperoliverbear · 28/02/2026 23:02

I think you should do what you want and also think you should not be together and definitely don’t have a child.

CrocusesFlowering · 28/02/2026 23:00

@probablynoted
You there?

TeaAndTattoos · 28/02/2026 22:58

Tell him to get fucked his child his responsibility not yours.

CactusSwoonedEnding · 28/02/2026 22:56

Yanbu to refuse to become free childcare.
Yabu if you don't break off this relationship. Yabu if you get pregnant by this man. Get rid.

Blindsided2025 · 28/02/2026 22:52

No I wouldn’t be doing any of that, but that’s also the reason why I wouldn’t get into a serious relationship with someone with such a young child. The relationship doesn’t sound like it’s got legs, to be honest.

AnaisVB · 28/02/2026 22:50

I have a SM my kids have a SM and I was a SM for a while .
You aren’t his Mum and shouldn’t be expected or told to get up with him/ them.
For a few reasons - A, as above you’re not his parent B- the DC will probably really cherish the alone time with their Dad C - you don’t want to .
I think him expecting you to do childcare is wildly unfair If you felt you wanted to then nice, or if he asks nicely then up to you but no way should you be expected to.
Could you mix it up a bit and do the odd brekkie with them on the weekends if you felt like you wanted to support your DP?
But honestly it doesn’t sound like he’s that supportive of you really.

BauhausOfEliott · 28/02/2026 22:49

Do not have a baby with this arsehole. He’s using you as a nanny.

Lilyargin · 28/02/2026 22:39

Fuck that.

ChalkOrCheese · 28/02/2026 22:38

You'd have to be fucking mental to have a baby with him.

PeloMom · 28/02/2026 22:38

ReadingCrimeFiction · 28/02/2026 20:00

You've posted about this before?

Ridiciulous that he wants you up all the time. Does he think you'll be doing it ALL when you have a baby?

I do think that if you're together and your DSS is with you this often, SOME aceptabce that you are are a parent figure would be appropriate.

I thought so too. But from what I remember the other OP supposedly dumped the loser?

Swipe left for the next trending thread