To stay in bed when DP gets up with his child?

I wonder what the chorus would be if OP was the mother and her DP was 'wasting' time in bed instead of looking after a child that wasn't his.....

I've been in this position and it's very difficult to hold this line as the female non parent. I got no end of shit for basic stuff like an extra hour in bed or even having a shower/bath when his child was there.

Once I was accused of avoiding being with his child because I was making an unnecessarily complex meal for dinner. Apparently this was on purpose so I could keep escaping to the kitchen. I was basting a roast chicken and prepping veg ffs........

OP, you will be looking after both children if you cement this by having a baby with him. He's already told you how he will behave if you have your own. He sees this as your role, even though it's not. If you split in the future he will palm your joint child off onto the next partner as well. Is that acceptable to you?

If you don't want this, there's only one solution. Or give it another decade. I doubt you'll achieve any meaningful change until his son is more independent.

EDIT - Just to say, we didn't live together.

Or her boyfriend could make a nice breakfast for them all and do some chores, as he’s up with his son anyway?
Time sleeping isn’t time ‘wasted’, what a weird attitude. Why would you get up at 6am at the weekend if you didn’t have to?

cant you just get up with them , OP? @probablynoted

You could cook a nice breakfast for your partner and stepson. Plus it then leaves you more time to get chores done in the morning - time that would have otherwise have been wasted in bed.

I think the weekend is fine that you don’t get up at 6am. Maybe you could give him the occasional lie in as someone you love but that’s up to you. Of course you should occasionally babysit. If you don’t want this little boy in your life then i suggest you remove yourself as he’s here to stay.

His comment about being lonely is odd. I think some PPs are getting confused though, he’s not asking you to get up with his child so he can have a lie in he’s asking if you would get up with them. YANBU to think you don’t have to, you don’t, but relationships are about compromise and if it means something to your DP could you not get up with them once in a while?

As for going out and expecting you to look after his child on a Saturday night, how often does this happen? Did he ask? If it happens often and he truly doesn’t ask and just expects then YANBU. You don’t have to look after his child at all it’s your choice but if it was once in a while and he asks (not expects) then I would think that’s ok.

As for the not getting up with your shared baby it sounds like this could have just been a throw away comment because he’s upset you aren’t getting up with them on the weekend. It’s a silly thing to say but it sounds like he’s not a bad dad (unless there’s more to the story) and seems like, from his actions, he’s takes responsibility for his child and therefore probably future children too.

I’m a step mum and have been with my DP since my step son was 2. We now have a son together and another on the way. I would consider if you want to stay in a relationship with someone who has a child. It’s hard at times, you have to compromise whilst maintaining your boundaries. It doesn’t get any easier and there are always tricky situations and feelings to navigate. Is your DP someone you think you can navigate this successfully with? Are you prepared to accept this child as a member of your family if you go on to have kids together?

Rubbish. The op does help with the boy, she just doesn’t want to be the primary parent who does everything he doesn’t want to do when it’s his child not hers.

What?
That's a very strange thing to think.
If a woman posted complaining about her boyfriend not getting up I'd think she was completely unreasonable

Exactly this. Open your eyes and see the red flags now. People don’t change. He is showing you clearly who he is and you should believe him.

Haven't you posted this exact thread before?

This 100%.

I'm sure I read a post like this a couple months back and her partner said that same line about lie ins when they have a baby.
Run! He's already telling U he's not going to help as a way of getting back at u !

Agree

Agreed.

LTB.

How is he lonely when he’s with his child?

As others have said, don’t have a child with him. He’s trying to manipulate you so that he doesn’t have to care for his child/children.

I agree with everyone else. There's no reason why you should step in and parent a child whose own father doesn't want to parent him. Can't help feeling sorry for the little boy who basically lives with 2 people who dont want to parent him.

What are they usually doing when you get up? What do you all do for the day? It's clearly fine that you don't get up with his kid while he sleeps.

However if you are going on a family day out together and you always insist on leaving at 10 to arrive by 11, because you can't possibly get up until 9, when they've been up since 6, could have left as 8 and got there as the place opened at 9, I can see why your husband is annoyed that every weekend day has to your schedule.

Is marriage on the cards?
Yes or no- I think you need to really think about your future with this man.

Have breakfast with us all as a family translates to ‘why should you get to lie in bed- I will stop that’.

He is already trying to use you as a babysitter.

If you had a baby together, he has already told you he will not be up early in the morning (and will say you were aware of this as technically he’s already told you).

He would then also say you’re up with the baby anyway so you can be up with his son- after all he’s already done 2 years worth so you have a lot of making up to do.

These are the red flags you have failed to see previously.
All these replies saying similar are because lots of us can see what WILL happen.

Move on and find someone who deserves you.

No this poster is correct. No ffs needed. At all.

You think people would be saying that her boyfriend should be getting up and caring for her child while she has a lie in? Rubbish.
Apart from anything else, surely the child would far prefer to spend those couple of hours every morning with their own parent, not their parent’s boyfriend/girlfriend?

I don't think anyone would expect the boyfriend to be doing childcare!

Actually quite shocked at the responses. I thought it would be the other way round? If a woman posted to say that he boyfriend doesn’t help with her child despite living together and just stays in bed until late morning, what would you say to that? I

You have to wonder why he isn’t with the ex don’t you. If I were you, I would be running so fast right now. He is a total twat. Controlling unreasonable behaviour.

Don’t have a baby with him.

I remember that thread. Her husband (I think) was obsessed with the gym.

This with bells on.
Don't have a baby with this man.