To take ds to prison to visit his dad

Ask him first. Write to him or ask his Dad to ask him. I was in prison (non-violent or sexual crime and I was very much not the type of person familiar with prisons or anything like that so it was quite the shock to the system) and my young children visited every week. It didn't take months to arrange. They visited me every week from the very beginning. I could interact with them, play with them, hold them, walk about the room, do puzzles on the floor with them etc. Bit of a different situation because obviously I had a relationship with them first but for me personally I had no issues with them visiting a prison. People have ideas about what prisons are like usually based in what they see on TV and in films. Some prisons may be like that but many these days are not and the visiting rooms look nothing like a prison. Visiting times for children are often held at specific times not just during general visiting hours so any other peoples receiving visits would also have children visiting them. Also not every prison searches children or checks nappies. My children were never searched or even touched at all. They just went through a metal detector. They still believe they were visiting mummy "at work". You can sometimes find pictures of the visiting rooms at the prison online if you search online. But definitely ask him first. Might not be the same in his prison but we had to request the visitors to come by submitting a form so it's not like people could just show up at visiting time unannounced. It was all pre-planned.

Also even though they believe he’ll be out next year, a lot can change in 12 months

I wouldn't take him to visit his dad in prison if he were my son. I might reconsider if his dad were going to be in for years and it was the only way for him to have a relationship but if your ex will be released next year, then, no I wouldn't advise it.

Prison is no place for a child. No judgement to anyone who does take their children to visit, everyone's situation is different. I simply think that neither you or the child will gain anything from it given your ex will be free in a year.

You're young op, and you're being helped a lot by his parents so that may mean you feel obliged or guilty, but you don't owe them anything. Its important to have boundaries in your life and in family set ups.

Well it’s obviously serious but in the eyes of the law is he going to be a danger to the child? Licensing? Is he banned from an area? Will he be allowed to live in a home with her and the child?

We are all products of our environment. I would not be taking my child to that environment.

Well w none of us know if he’s going to have a relationship with him once he’s out because we don’t know what he’s actually inside for

The length of the sentence tells you it’s serious. Or there is likely a history of violent offending

What are your concerns?

At that age I would happily take my child ti visit their mum/dad in prison.

Whether you take him yourself or get the grandparents to take him is entirely your choice and how comfortable you feel leaving him with them.

He’s going to have a relationship with him when he gets out so it makes sense to start it now.

My uncles were in prison for a couple of years when I was the same age as your DS and I was apparently taken to visit them a lot. I have absolutely no recollection of this at all. So long term it’ll do no damage if you do take him.

What I would consider is what you expect their relationship to be once he’s out of prison. If you expect contact then I would gradually start to see him now, so they have the chance to form a bond BUT, having had family members in prison for similar reasons I would write to him first and discuss this with him, including whether he wants his son to visit and what his plan is after regarding getting help for drug and alcohol use.

I have no contact at all with most of my extended family as an adult due to drugs/alcohol/violence and would never let my children meet them. If he isn’t going to get help I would suggest you need to have a really honest conversation with his dad about what he expects their relationship to be after and how you can keep your DS safe, and if they just think it’ll all fine then I’d look to move if possible, to stop yourself and your DS being reliant on them for housing.

The term assault is so broad. I could push someone over and it’s classed as assault. Was it with a weapon? Car? SA?

without knowing that we can’t really give true advice of that makes sense

No, it’s a serious assault and / or he has previous convictions. Not a good parent for your child either way OP.

Your ex ‘s dad is trying to get you and his son back in his life as an aid to get him back on track in all probability.

You must put your son first OP, I think you shouid look for somewhere else to live

Please do not take a baby to a prison for their first meeting with the dad.

How long of a sentence was he given because it sounds like he’ll be out after serving 5 years, half of a 10 year sentence.

that doesn’t sound like a sentence for assault

your ex’s dad sounds like a good man but I think you need to clarify whether he has a hope or expectation that you three will live together as a family upon your ex’s release?
I know two years seems like a long time but it really isn’t, and I’d hate for you to feel in such debt to this family that you end up living together in the future.
You are clearly a thoughtful kind young woman, but you absolutely must build on your independence over these next two years and secure a property of your own either in social housing or private rental. I know it’s hard ❤️ but not impossible.

To answer your question. Do you have a health visitor who might help you make an unbiased decision, or who might help you speak to ex’s dad if you want to say no?

He’s currently 30 months and the dad has another year

I know. I was more thinking that it's the gf who wants his son to have a visit while the son doesn't (he doesn't want to see a photo so would he want to see his son?).

Have you thought about video calling instead of in person visit? Not that I do either personally.

I hope his dad has been using his time wisely and thinking about how he’s going to explain this to his child when he’s old enough to understand

He's too young to have memories of prison visits. It's just a question of whether his dad should see him, if he actually wants to.

I visited someone in prison a lot about 7 years ago and the atmosphere was fine. Not saying you should go though.
you do sound very vulnerable and being afraid to say no is no way to bring up a child especially as dad will be out at some point and then what?
Can you at least talk to the grandad about how you feel under pressure and don’t want to upset him? I think you really seriously need to think about how to widen your support network as well

It would have to be him that put a request in to allow the visit, a take months be approved and that’s if it is approved we don’t know much about the offence etc. she would also have to visit with Childs birth certificate and passport. I don’t know how it works for someone else to take the child to the visit without her being there

Just move on. Forget him! Why would you want a violent drunk back in your life?

And you are very young too. A big decision fir anyone to make.
Get some advice.
Speak to your health visitor.
Presumably you have or had a social worker as you were only 17 ? Talk to them . Get advice from someone involved with families with someone in prison

I think the request needs to come from him not his dad. Say that.* *

Seriously @Aliceboss your partner must have done something very serious for that sentence. His father sounds as thiugh he is facilitating him and you sound like younare getting drawn into a web.

On my opinion you need to remove yiurself and your son from them asap. Can you contact a refuge? Please jusut get away. It sounds as though there is manipulation going on here.

Best advice I’ve seen! He’ll be on licence when he’s released so what are his terms for this? Is he going to an assisted accommodation first or straight home?

Are you comfortable with my bubba watching his dad charge his tag twice a day cause that’s what will happen?