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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder to what extent second shift/mental load/wifework is caused by men being more likely to work full-time and overtime?

52 replies

Carla786 · 28/02/2026 18:31

Obviously if someone does work overtime/full time, they should still do whatever they can to ease their partner's load and be an involved parent. But if a couple has one person (of either sex) working part time, and one working full-time/more often overtime, it makes sense the first person would do more housework etc, at least to some degree.
But I'm wondering how much of a factor it is in the issues of the second shift/mental load etc Studies show men tending to overestimate how much housework they do- but do couples who both work full-time or both work part-time have more equality in who does housework & childcare?
I think that is the most informative comparison, since if a couple has one person working full-time/often overtime it doesn't mean they should leave everything else to their partner who works part-time, but it does play into the issue.

OP posts:
Original poster
Carla786 · 28/02/2026 18:42

Maybe one factor here could be that women tend to take more parental leave, and then maybe men get more used to doing less even when she goes back to work, and it's harder for women to push back. This might explain part of the difference from gay couples, who (especially men) are less likely to have kids (though obviously a lot do)

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Original poster
Carla786 · 28/02/2026 18:40

I wonder what tends to be the pattern in the rarer cases where the woman works full-time and the man part-time? Does the husband do 'husbandwork'? Or does more end up falling to the wife still?
Gay couples are also an interesting ccomparison.I need to check, but I think I've read that both lesbian and gay male couples often tend to have a more equal division of housework, but childcare is still more likely to be done more by one partner than the other.

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