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Neighbour angry with me - Am I in the wrong? I don’t know what to do.

268 replies

neighbourgate · 28/02/2026 13:58

I’m really not sure what to do. My ex came to pick up our daughter and was parked outside my house. There was enough room for people to get past with their cars and even a few vans went past during that time. However, a delivery Driver reversed and hit my neighbours guttering.

I didn’t think my neighbour was home. He didn’t come out of the house. I didn’t hear his dogs barking. My friend said she had just seen him go out for a walk with his dogs.
So I gave the driver a pen and paper to write a note which he posted through the door and then he filled out his insurance paperwork as well.

I’ve gone out to walk my dog and when I came back, my neighbour was outside. He got angry with me asking me why I didn’t knock on his house. I told him I didn’t know he was home because I thought he was walking his dogs. He told me he was home and that he was upstairs with his dogs scared because of the van hitting his guttering.

He said he was looking out of his window “watching how it all played out” to see what I would do.

He said to me “i’m a truthful person and I would’ve just knocked on your house straight away. But you just sheepishly f*cked off back into your house and haven’t said a word when you should have knocked on straight away”

I asked him if he thinks it’s my fault because the car was parked there. He basically said yes. I told him that several vans had drove past our houses and got through absolutely fine. I also reiterated again that I did not know he was home because I hadn’t heard his dogs and he hadn’t come out of the house.

He kept saying “I’m the victim here. I’m the victim. I’m the one fixing this”. Then he said
“I have always been nice to you. I even put a fence up in my garden which you didn’t have to do anything about”. Because we live side my side the fence is also on my side.
However, that fence was already there when I moved in. So I told him this. He must have Done it before I moved into this house, which was only one year ago

He said he was too angry and that he was going to get even more angry so he just needed to go inside.

I really don’t know what to do. I hate that he thinks badly of my character. Like I’m a dishonest person who’s trying to avoid accountability. We usually have a good relationship, and sometimes chat when we pass each other.

i feel absolutely terrible. I was really shaken when I got in and burst into tears. I don’t know if it’s because I hate the thought of him thinking badly of me or that I’m dishonest or lack integrity.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he knocks on at some point. I just don’t really know what to do next.

OP posts:
Clara27 · 01/03/2026 06:40

neighbourgate · 28/02/2026 22:24

@Toomanysofttoys
if he speaks to me again about it, I’m definitely going to ask why he was looking outside to see how it unfolded and why he was testing me to see what I’d do.

the way he was saying it was like I’d been disloyal to him or betrayed him in some way.

No good will come of trying to understand him so be careful about asking him questions. You’ll go around in circles while he continues to make this your fault. I’d just list the facts of the situation as they happened, including his part in it and then I’d end the interaction. Don’t invite more of his weird and manipulative behaviour.

TheThingOnTheIce · 01/03/2026 06:36

so he’s hid inside whilst the men were there then come out to shout at the lone woman. I think we can all see what kind of prick he is.

disturbia · 01/03/2026 06:33

OP for your own sake STOP talking to him just walk away the man sounds unhinged.

neighbourgate · 01/03/2026 06:22

He said he was angry because it wasn’t the first time. Because when my ex parked there a few months ago, someone hit his plant pot. I don’t know how someone hit his plant pot because there was loads of room to pass and they were driving a tiny car.

He also mentioned a workman I had here last year, saying the workman was rude to his wife.
I told him I didn’t know anything about that and I had no idea when the workman was rude to his wife but he just seemed to be listing things that he was angry with me for and then told me he was ‘really pissed off’ and needed to go inside before he got more angry.

OP posts:
Croakymccroakyvoice · 01/03/2026 00:11

Be careful OP. He sounds unhinged. I wouldn't want anything to do with him. Liability for his guttering lies entirely with the van driver. It's nothing to do with you whatsoever, irrespective of the car parked outside your house. Even if the car was obstructing the road, it still wouldn't be your fault the van driver went into his guttering.

If he tackles you again tell him firmly that it has nothing to do with you and he has the van driver's details then walk away and leave him to stew.

andthat · 01/03/2026 00:03

neighbourgate · 28/02/2026 22:24

@Toomanysofttoys
if he speaks to me again about it, I’m definitely going to ask why he was looking outside to see how it unfolded and why he was testing me to see what I’d do.

the way he was saying it was like I’d been disloyal to him or betrayed him in some way.

Why bother?
You need to cut his oxygen off!

If he goes on again a simple ‘change the record derek’ is all you need!

FOJN · 28/02/2026 23:27

neighbourgate · 28/02/2026 22:24

@Toomanysofttoys
if he speaks to me again about it, I’m definitely going to ask why he was looking outside to see how it unfolded and why he was testing me to see what I’d do.

the way he was saying it was like I’d been disloyal to him or betrayed him in some way.

Stop making it about you. An accident happened that had nothing to do with you. It was not your responsibility to deal with anything on your neighbours behalf so why engage an unreasonable person in a conversation that's likely to upset. You don't ask him anything, you TELL him it was nothing to do with you and his behaviour is unacceptable.

huuskymam · 28/02/2026 23:04

So someone hits his guttering and he's upstairs curtain twitching to see what happens. Gobshite of man. If he mentions it again tell him he should have had the sense to come to the door rather than playing peek a boo with the driver.

mondaytosunday · 28/02/2026 22:44

I don’t understand why he thinks it was up to you to knock on his door? Surely it was the driver who should have? Why was he scared? The fact you went out to speak to the driver meant you were doing him a favour! You could gave seen it and let him drive off. Your neighbour is just totally embarrassed about his own cowardice and is lashing out.

Toomanysofttoys · 28/02/2026 22:28

Be assertive.. it's really hard when abuse comes out of nowhere.. especially from someone who you have been on good terms with. You did more than expected with giving the driver means to write his details on and I truly hope you don't let this get to you. You sound like a genuinely lovely neighbour.

neighbourgate · 28/02/2026 22:24

@Toomanysofttoys
if he speaks to me again about it, I’m definitely going to ask why he was looking outside to see how it unfolded and why he was testing me to see what I’d do.

the way he was saying it was like I’d been disloyal to him or betrayed him in some way.

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 28/02/2026 20:18

The issue is between him and the delivery driver. It’s nothing to do with you.

Stop involving yourself in other people’s business. You did a good thing providing a pen to the driver. Your involvement ended at that point.

Toomanysofttoys · 28/02/2026 18:26

Ignore him, don't answer the door if he knocks and if you have to communicate with him about it just say.. why didn't you come down to open the door if you saw it? Why were you watching me to see what I would do? Then turn and leave.
If he shouts or swears just don't be afraid to call the police.

Hope his guttering collapses even more now the dick swinging A hole

neighbourgate · 28/02/2026 18:23

@Alcoholtakingherlife @Applespearsandpeaches my ex wasn’t parked illegally. Just behind my car which was on my drive. The road is fairly narrow but vans etc had been coming through fine and even the delivery drive got through fine. But it was when they came back they reversed instead and hit the guttering.

OP posts:
atno · 28/02/2026 18:12

He's batshit.

Absolutely none of this is your fault.
Your ex parked the car and made sure vans could get through.
The delivery driver hit the guttering.
Your friend said the man next door was out walking his dogs.
You gave the delivery driver a pen and paper to write down his details and he posted them through the door.
And then somehow batshit neighbour is blaming you for this.
He was inside his house watching what was going on when any normal human being would have come outside to talk to the delivery driver. Not hide inside watching and then blaming a neighbour who has absolutely nothing to do with it whatsoever.

I think he decided to have a go at you because you are a woman. He didn't start having a go at your ex or the delivery driver.

Auroraloves · 28/02/2026 18:00

Neighbour is an absolute tit. How the f hell what it your fault?

ScreamingInfidelities · 28/02/2026 17:57

powersthatbe · 28/02/2026 17:27

So he sat and watched events unfold and did nothing about it…until the men had left, thn he got off his arse and unleashed his anger at a woman.
Call the spineless arse out on that if you see him again. And please waste no time worrying about this misogynistic pricks opinion of you.

This OP! YABU for feeling guilty for something that had nothing to do with you. Why on earth are you apologising to this weirdo? Get him told.

Derbee · 28/02/2026 17:52

This makes me so angry. It’s not your fault. It’s almost got nothing to do with you at all, other than the fact that you’re a witness of the accident.

I bet he wouldn’t give you any shit if you were a man. If he knocks, tell him it’s nothing to do with you and he needs to speak to the driver’s company. I bet you he won’t come and give your ex any shit next time he’s outside the house

Besafeeatcake · 28/02/2026 17:35

OP why are you letting your neighbours feelings dictate how you feel?

Nothing is on you. Not your car. Not your delivery van. Not your guttering.

You have involved yourself and have a victim mentality (sorry I know that’s harsh) by feeling bad abiut something that has absolutely nothing to do with you.

If your neighbour wants to act the way he is let him and walk away.

Applespearsandpeaches · 28/02/2026 17:33

Alcoholtakingherlife · 28/02/2026 16:40

Is not OPs ex's fault either

Depends how he parked. Legally he’s not responsible but if he’s parked like a prat then I think he morally bears some responsibility. Whether a car or van can get past is irrelevant - can a fire engine?

UnhappyHobbit · 28/02/2026 17:33

So instead of trying to sort the issue there and then, he decided to act like a coward and watch from his window, putting the responsibility on you for sorting out the delivery driver for his damaged property?! Yeah, sounds logical that!
But it’s easier to have a go at a woman than it is to have a difficult conversation with another man. Not your problem OP, keep your distance from this dork.

ASimpleLampoon · 28/02/2026 17:33

Why's he picking on you, not the delivery driver not your ex.

Oh yes, because youre a woman.

Be the bigger bitch, OP, make it not worth his while to pick on you.

Uticary · 28/02/2026 17:29

Please Please contact the police.
He watched like the scared little pathetic bully for 20+ minutes and then verbally attacks you?

You need to contact 101 znd make a report.
Tell them how scared and upset you are of him.

Pathetic arsehole hiding inside.

powersthatbe · 28/02/2026 17:27

So he sat and watched events unfold and did nothing about it…until the men had left, thn he got off his arse and unleashed his anger at a woman.
Call the spineless arse out on that if you see him again. And please waste no time worrying about this misogynistic pricks opinion of you.

neighbourgate · 28/02/2026 17:25

thank you all for your comments. I think I just felt guilty and responsible because my exes car was parked there.

He was saying I shouldn’t let my ex park there. Even though many vans go past and can still fit through just fine. And it’s only once per week that my ex comes to pick up my daughter.

I think I just felt really guilty and did take responsibility. I apologised. This is a bit of a pattern of mine where I take more responsibility than I should for things.

And it just caught me off guard when he swore because he’s generally been nice to me, it was a surprise to hear him be so angry with me.

OP posts:
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