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Original poster

Parent with neurodiverse husband is exhausting

233 replies

notaurewhatusername · 28/02/2026 12:44

So I don’t even know where to start with this but I just need to hear from people who might have been through something similar.

My DH is neurodiverse and parenting together has been really really hard. Things have actually improved a lot recently and to be fair to him he has made genuine effort, I can see that. But there are still moments where I just think… am I going mad or is this not okay?

Today is a perfect example. He took our 10 month old DS out to an outdoor shopping area. Before they left I checked the weather, saw it was 6-7 degrees and asked him (nicely, as I always have to) to please make sure DS had his hat, coat and a blanket. He has this thing where he doesn’t like to wrap the baby up and I’ve never really understood it but I’ve just learned to make sure I mention it.

Then it started raining. I called to ask him to put the rain cover on - then realised the pram was still in my car. He hadn’t taken the pram at all. He keeps taking him out for hours at a time without it and carrying him round all day. I then got a photo of my son fast asleep with his face resting on the handlebars of a little balance bike, chin on a box, head flopped forward. He’s 10 months old.

I called, asked if he was getting wet because it was raining by this point, and he got visibly annoyed with me, said he was going and “have a nice day” and hung up.

Like I said things have improved and I don’t want to be unfair to DH because the effort is there. But it’s still so hard and I feel so alone in it sometimes.

Has anyone else parented with a neurodiverse partner? Any tips or experiences? How do you navigate the safety stuff without it turning into a huge conflict?

OP posts:
Original poster
notaurewhatusername · 28/02/2026 12:52

It’s great to know I’m not overreacting. We also had a recent situation where here I found out he’s been given cows milk for months once a week by grandparents on his side. When I bought it up he said it’s fine and made me out to be overprotective. I had to force him to provide formula milk. He said cows once a week is fine. I said no it isn’t! These are just a few examples

OP posts:
Patchworkquilts · 28/02/2026 12:51

Your husband sounds like a plonker. Sorry I think it’s a bit abusive to have a 10 month old sleeping on the handlebars of a bike or on a box numerous times. Once (if it happens by accident) ok, but he’s clearly not thinking about the needs of your child when he goes out for hours with him/her. This is just neglect. A 10 month old needs naps, and if you’re going to go out for hours you need to make sure your kid can have a comfortable nap somewhere, not on a handlebar or box. I don’t think this has anything to do with him being ND though. He’s just being an arsehole.

homehaircut · 28/02/2026 12:51

My eldest DSD is diagnosed autistic and is the best mother you’d hope to find. That just sounds like your husband being controlling and an arse. Not anything to do with neurodiversity. I’d be having words about safety and the right way to do things and if he can’t stick to them then he can’t take the baby out alone.

Dozer · 28/02/2026 12:50

If however you think your H would only seek low contact, eg every other weekend, would plan to split sooner.

Thisseasonsdiamante · 28/02/2026 12:50

I think lots of people who have ND partners are going to have very different experiences to you. I have a ND husband, he was incredibly willing to learn and had a very active role in parenting and he still does.

It is very different to what you are describing which is very close to full on neglect. The head on the balance bike is actually really shocking, no suitable clothing repeatedly = neglect, no buggy or suitable sleeping place for such a young infant = neglect, the lack of willingness to take on board what you are saying and dismissing you even though you are correct is low level abusive. This is a real problem @notaurewhatusername it is not just the autism or it maybe but there is a serious lack of capacity and no willingness to recognise this weakness so he can learn.

Dozer · 28/02/2026 12:49

Neurodiversity aside, you’re describing inadequate parenting. Also a concern that you ‘have to’ speak certain ways to your H.

I wouldn’t want to stay married to an inadequate parent and walking on eggshells all the time.

Wouldn’t ttc DC2 with him. if/when you split it’s probable court would require shared contact and safety is a concern might bide time to split up until DC is old enough to do basics and tell you what goes on, eg age 4 or 5.

Original poster
notaurewhatusername · 28/02/2026 12:49

@Nopenott0dayi feel the ND does add another layer onto it in terms of how he sees the world and perceives things

OP posts:
Nopenott0day · 28/02/2026 12:47

This isn't because he is ND. This is because he's a shit parent.