Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to handle DD6 possible learning difficulties and DH attitude towards the whole thing ? Who’s right and who’s wrong ?

64 replies

jahb · 28/02/2026 10:30

The school have mentioned my just turned 6 year 1 DD may have some attention issues that are creating a barrier to her learning. She’s at a private school.

anyhow, they want to explore further by having her observed by the senco. All fine.

she’s doing OK in phonics and is expected there. Her maths score is 96 and her English score is also 96.

the teachers don’t want her to fall properly behind and thinks she just can’t focus and it’s creating a barrier for her learning.

my DH thinks everyone just wants to label every e and she is only 6 and might improve when she matures in a few months.

we don’t have the outcome or the senco observation yet, so I guess we will see then.

can anyone share experiences here with their child going through something similar and the other parent just thinking the concerns aren’t valid etc ? I’m sure my DD will be fine no matter what the outcome and I definitely support her not falling behind.

I am looking at tutoring for her to help her as well, in the meantime.

thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 28/02/2026 11:04

It is fairly common for at least one parent to refuse to accept any kind of Sen or disability.

(obviously I am not in a position to know whether your child does or does not have one).

my child has an autoimmune disease and ASD and adhd.

her father who is now my ExH somewhat reluctantly believes in the auto immune disease (I suspect only because blood tests are required every six months and he therefore feels it is scientific) but thinks she is making up the autism and adhd.

she’s been diagnosed now for six years and this followed her dropping out of school due to anxiety and self harming and attempting suicide. Apparently this is just bad behaviour.

it is very, very common for people to refuse to accept that their child has any kind of Sen and totally refuse any help offered.

I used to be a secondary teacher and usually year 10 or 11 was when these parents started panicking as they realised that their “refusal to accept a label” had resulted in a child who was going to fail all their GCSEs.

BettyBoh · 28/02/2026 10:58

How old are her 5 siblings? And how are they doing academically? Any signs of ADHD in the rest of the family (including parents)?
this is all very early to be worrying about academics. In Northern Europe some kids haven’t even started school yet.

are academics important to you? Some people are content to see their kids apply themselves, be happy and be creative.

Christmasinmecar · 28/02/2026 10:57

Why so much pressure from the school? She's 6 years old. I'm with h on this one, giving it a few months and seeing what happens.
I should imagine with a private school there is more pressure 'to get things right' no matter how trival it might be or even realistic.
I knew someone who swore blind her kid was reading quality newspapers at the age of 6, yet when I baby sat the d she struggled with basic kids books.
Fast forward she went on to uni and now has a sucessful career in law.

MaggieMar · 28/02/2026 10:54

Am I the only one who thinks it’s quite unsettling that the OP’s instinct is to hire a tutor?

I wonder what the world is coming to.

You don’t appear illiterate or entirely stupid OP. What you need is 20 mins writing and reading practice in the morning say three times a week and where you or your dp sit with your daughter and help her concentrate and learn. Then in the evening you read with her every single day.

If your school doesn’t set much homework then ask the teacher to share what they are learning next week in class so you can shadow at home.

There are ample resources online. Does your school use Spelling Shed and TT rockstars and the like? And you can get her on DuoLingo for maths and French/Spanish. A lot of love the gamified approaches in my experience and will happily do ten mins of each app while dinner is cooking.

Teach her to play chess and Monopoly - great for building focus.

In short - parent her, stop outsourcing it to paid third parties and work on the problem at home. You’ll see rapid results - if you don’t then go chat to the Senco.

Original poster
jahb · 28/02/2026 10:47

The teachers are saying she’s not learning as they’d expect. It’s not just me saying that.

OP posts:
dairydebris · 28/02/2026 10:46

jahb · 28/02/2026 10:42

But what if she falls hugely behind ? She’s already not meeting standards they’d expect. Will she be unhappy when she can’t keep up at all ? She needs a lot of one on one help already according to her teacher.

Show quote history

Shes 6. She's in a private school who are watching carefully. Kids learn at different speeds. Don't worry about something that hasnt happened yet. Read to her lots, let her have fun, love her as she is.
Worrying about a 6 year old being behind before senco have even taken a look is unreasonable imo.

Original poster
jahb · 28/02/2026 10:42

dairydebris · 28/02/2026 10:41

Your husbands attitude sounds good to me.

Let senco do their thing and listen to what they have to say, no other action necessary.

Tutoring for a 6 yo is imo totally unnecessary. Let her be a kid.

But what if she falls hugely behind ? She’s already not meeting standards they’d expect. Will she be unhappy when she can’t keep up at all ? She needs a lot of one on one help already according to her teacher.

OP posts:
Original poster
jahb · 28/02/2026 10:41

Her biggest thing is writing and applying her phonics sounds, especially set 2 and 3 to her writing.

OP posts:
dairydebris · 28/02/2026 10:41

Your husbands attitude sounds good to me.

Let senco do their thing and listen to what they have to say, no other action necessary.

Tutoring for a 6 yo is imo totally unnecessary. Let her be a kid.

Original poster
jahb · 28/02/2026 10:40

The school isn’t a really academic one. It’s more of an all round school.

OP posts:
Original poster
jahb · 28/02/2026 10:39

Smartiepants79 · 28/02/2026 10:36

I’m a primary school teacher and I’m afraid those score don’t mean much to me in the context of year 1. 96 out of what?? What is the average score?? Is this considered low by the school??
As it is private is it also quite selective and academic? Are their expectations higher than your average? Be aware any extra help or intervention might end up costing you more money.
I partially agree with your DH. I would agree to any help the school are willing to give but she is also young and will change very quickly. Have you seen things at home that make you question her focus or ability to learn new things??

She’s fidgety when doing homework etc. but it’s not extreme. But then I don’t know other six year olds.

I am hoping it’s just that she needs to grow out of it too of course. But I don’t want her to fall behind and lose confidence. She loves learning.

OP posts:
Fearfulsaints · 28/02/2026 10:39

Sencos arent really in charge of giving out lables so your partner can relax.

They will observe a child in class give the teacher some ideas of things to try to support attention and then come back a bit later on to see if they helped.

Original poster
jahb · 28/02/2026 10:38

That’s the PIRA and PUMA standardised scores ? I thought every school uses those and it’s a national thing ?

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 28/02/2026 10:36

I’m a primary school teacher and I’m afraid those score don’t mean much to me in the context of year 1. 96 out of what?? What is the average score?? Is this considered low by the school??
As it is private is it also quite selective and academic? Are their expectations higher than your average? Be aware any extra help or intervention might end up costing you more money.
I partially agree with your DH. I would agree to any help the school are willing to give but she is also young and will change very quickly. Have you seen things at home that make you question her focus or ability to learn new things??