I don't think I am but... (family expenses)

I think it's odd you didn't discuss signing up for the club before you did it.
But, on the basis you didn't, it's odd you then did want to discuss which account it got paid for since you clearly have a joint account for child related expenses, so if one doesn't warrant discussion than neither does the other.

Were you also asking to pay your own hobby costs out of the joint account? We have a financial set up like yours and I would agree with your DH that does not come out of the joint account.

He sounds like a total arse.

Just use the joint bank details. And start planning your escape.

The idea of being married and not sharing everything you have just seems so weird to me. Did either of you actually pay attention to the meaning of the vows you said?

or I called him when he's playing a game

Fucking ICK.

I think it's odd that you felt you had to ask him which account to pay the fees from - I would have just done it. But then, my DH wouldn't be precious about which pot of money we paid for a hobby from - our money is family money that we pay for everything from 🤷‍♀️

Oh fgs tell him to grow up, its family money - DH and I have a couple of accounts we both use, if I took 30 quid out of an account every month for a child's hobby he wouldn't even bat an eyelid. Any big purchases are discussed, but something like this he is being ridiculous.

'or I called him when he's playing a game '

and that says it all.

it's prob the sort of conversation you have over the breakfast table, it didn't need a phone call

but

him playing a game just shows you are not married to a responsible caring adult.

I'm not sure why you asked him in the first place? This is HIS child. Therefore, costs related to that child come from the joint account (not the one for regular bills like gas etc). I hope you ignored him and took the money out of the account anyway.

I also disagree with those saying you should have discussed whether or not you both want the child to pursue the hobby. Unless you have a strict budget, there's absolutely no need to ask permission for a child to do a safe hobby. Child is interested, a place opens up, parents can afford it, one parent signs child up. Job done. (Yes, in a healthy relationship, talking about clubs and what you did in a day is normal, but not all relationships work like this.). If you are on a budget, I can understand the need for a discussion and both parents to agree.

I would simply pay for anything to do with the children out of one or other of the joint accounts without asking him. They are his children, too, so he needs to meet the cost of them.

@Freya1542 Yes, but I think it would be crazy to marry someone without a broadly similar attitude to money as you have.

It's so incredibly depressing 😞.

I share all finances with DH so this issue doesn’t arise, but what kind of father begrudges paying for a hobby for their own DC? Unless it’s something ruinously expensive.

He should pay half of all costs to do with the children and household. Fine, talk to him first, but it shouldn’t just be on you to pay for.

Same here. I too don’t get all this separate stuff.

@MasterBeth

"separate accounts in marriage stuff is silly to me" presuming you and your partner are sensible spenders though.

If you have one of the pair that's a total spendthrift, wasting family resources on unnecessaries, then separating finances seem more sensible.

@KnowtheAnswer obviously the payment should come out of whichever joint family account you deem most appropriate.

Clothing his children is 'nothing to do with him'?

Crikey.

Which account you use for this club is the least of your worries.
it seems you may be married to someone who isn’t very kind. Is he controlling in other ways? Does he care about your needs and validate your feelings?

Tell him that every expense related to the children is 50% his responsibility. Seeing as they're his children. And that you'll be taking money from the joint account for the hobby and everything else kid related from now on.

Why should you do all the organising and admin, use all your AL and pay out of your own pocket for your joint children?

You'd be better off divorced as he'd have to pay then. Tight fuck. Honestly would splitting be a terrible idea? I would seriously consider it if he tried to block me from using the joint accounts for the kids.

And this is why all this separate accounts in marriage stuff is silly to me.

In my marriage, all our money goes into one account from which we both pay for things we need and things we want. Big expenses are agreed on. We trust each other to spend on personal expenses to the level we can afford. Things for the kids aren't paid for one or another of us, like everything else.

You DO NOT have to put up with gross disparities between you and him with regard to how you organise either your finances or the practicalities of having children.
Please realise this, and take whatever action you need to take to sort it out. But it is not your lot in life to live with someone who thinks it's OK to treat you unfairly.

This is utterly depressing. You know he's being unreasonable about the hobby, division of money and responsibility, and lack of engagement when you try to talk it through. What's the point of him? He sounds incredibly mean in both senses.

This. No other faffing about with different accounts you pay different amounts into or whatever. It's 100% a joint expense.

All children’s expenses should be joint.

End of.

I wouldn't have even asked which account to be honest, I would have decided which one was more suitable and just completed the DD.