I don't think I am but... (family expenses)

I still don't understand how families operate financially like this.

Surely you are building a life together, so all monies goes into one pot and is then just spent as a family?

this

I agree with this.

Our youngest does dance and horse riding which I pay for myself. I enrolled her in dance as her big sister had did the classes when she was younger so my choice, my expense. I had a horse and very much love another so when she said she would like to I jumped at the chance and signed her up, again my expense. Her dad feels swimming is important to learn so he signed her up/pays for those because that was his choice.

edit this was meant to reply to someone but hasn't worked!

Why are you still married to this man - he sounds truly awful

It’s to do with him because it’s his child! 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why does your husband think your DD hobbies are "nothing to do with him"?

Sorry, you lost me at 2 joint accounts and paying for days out out of your own pocket. You’re married ffs. You’re a family. Of course all family related costs should be shared. As should looking after the kids during the holidays. Your husband is an arse and you’re enabling his stupid behaviour by going along with it.

25yrs married, two kids now adults, never once did I ask re children’s activities and never once did my husband begrudge a penny spent on his children or me…all money into a joint account and all bills out of joint account. There was never any arrangement as to who pays in what, who can spend what…we were a unit, a team…we worked together to create the best life for us and the children..I couldn’t marry or have kids with anyone who counted pennies with his family..

Another man who is vaguely aware of short people running about the house but no real engagement or understanding they are 50% his responsibility.

So unless you are under financial strain and he is worried about the cost (he should have said) then as the child is 50% his he is liable to contribute to the cost (whether or not he does it).

Another selfish git
Play the long game OP.
Start squirrelling money away in an account he doesn't know about. Maybe a sibling will let you use an account of theirs.
I can't imagine you want to live with him forever so get planning. You may put up with it for longer, as I did, as you don't want kids coming from a broken home but eventually you eill have had enough

He’s got a good deal here at your expense. You contribute 50:50 to the financial pot whilst doing the lion’s share of childcare.

Being brutally honest, he doesnt sound like a good man. Of course your child’s hobby should be a joint expense (assuming he is the child’s father).

I dont understand trying to maintain separate finances after children. I think it can often lead to financial abuse of the primary carer.

Great, by your husband’s logic I shouldn’t have to pay for any of my children’s hobbies because I’m not partaking in them - they’re therefore nothing to do with me. I can’t wait to tell the providers they should give my children the sessions for free!

OP, start playing the long game then.
Get planning.
Tell family and friends who will quietly support you.
Grow more independent of him.

You don't need his permission to use your joint family expenses account for family expenses. Simply proceed.

Because breaking up a family is not something to be done lightly. Surprisingly people do not always show their true colours until it’s too late.

This kind of situation ultimately resulted in my divorce.
My ex husband refused to contribute financially to anything that didn’t specifically benefit him.

Has he ever driven a financial decision that didn’t specifically benefit you?
Would he always use personal funds in this situation?

Use the joint account. Don’t apologise.

What a truly horrible environment for your children

Sounds odd. Has he got something
going on financially he does not want you to know about. Debt, secret lifestyle?
Get to the bottom of this. Not healthy.

Well why have kids/ live with someone who can rip you off?

Is the hobby expense big like buying ponies for your children?
if not then why do you have to ask you should just have put it through as joint account or his account ?

nothing excuses his rudeness and verbal abuse.
he’s is 100% in the wrong here

We have a dog, he's my dog really not my husband's. I do a few dog related activities with him- running, obedience, tracking etc. Then there is dog walker, food and vet costs. My husband loves the dog and helps walk him and stuff, but ultimately he is an expensive hobby of mine. My husband insists all of these costs come out of the joint account. I can't imagine being with a partner that wouldn't treat their child and it's costs like my husband treats my dog. My dog is just that, a dog, not even a child and my husband wouldn't even question if I took £30 a month for another dog activity.

Very good.

This ^
I always discussed DD’s clubs/ outings etc with DH before signing her up - I didn’t if it’s one off thing after school but I did if it’s about a commitment, time and money wise and I was (and is) generally interested in his opinion.
However I couldn’t imagine my DH reacting like yours in this situation.

All I said was was @Montink should reread the op because the relationship doesn’t share anything in common with how @Montink describes her own relationship