I don't think I am but... (family expenses)

So his youngest child is signed up to a hobby and he tells you,you can't use either accounts and YOU use YOUR leave in holidays.
Then you ask to talk like grown ups do and he tells you to go away ?
You are equals you don't need to ask don't put up with this put him right in his place .

Split accounts save so many arguments that would happen in many marriages.

I've seen so much tit-for-tat spending in relationships. He buys a new bike he doesn't really need, so she buys a new designer handbag. (Insert your own stereotypes)

A 50/50 split is only fair if you both earn the same. Imo the way it works best is if you have a joint account for all expenses, and each of you puts into it a share in proportion to your take home pay. Anything left is yours to do exactly what you want with. It worked well for us, anyway. Kids would complicate the budget but the principle still remains.

You aren’t really sorted as a few other posters are suggesting.
So you were given a reason rather than an apology and he finally deigned to accept this payment but objects over things like clothing costs.
I would reset these terms OP, so you could start by making lists of what needs purchasing and divide up who does what both sourcing and paying. Maybe he should be taking his own children out and maybe lie ins are a shared luxury from now on. If he can’t/wont do school and activity runs these should be factored into the whole who pays what calculations. It doesn’t sound like he appreciates your time at all. Think about what you are demonstrating to your children.

Why did you ask him? Do you need his permission? Why are you funding all child related costs. F that.

Sounds like you are oppressed to me. Think carefully about wasting your life with this AH, let alone the negative impact his behaviour is having on your child.

Regardless of who’s wrong here (hint hint, it isn’t you) why haven’t you had a serious discussion with him about
him being an arsehole
twlling you to go away and leave him alone so he doesn’t have to discuss it.
being a narcissist.

I’m confused why you have 2 joint accounts as both Seem to be family stuff

either way yes the fees for activity should come from joint account

All money is family money here. Even before married. No questions asked - dh wouldn't even know what goes in and out for most things . He never looks at the account. He doesn't even have the app on his phone

I’ve never had a joint account but Surely if these are both joint accounts you can take your pick of which to use?

Yes, it doesn’t feel like it’s working in your favour. Perhaps draw up a list together of what comes out of the joint account and what comes out of your own accounts so that you can refer back to that when there’s any disagreement about it?

What happened to the wedding vow ‘all that I have I share with you’?
My husband and I took this literally and always have. All our money is in one account and we trust each other not to spend frivolously. If we have a big purchase to make, we discuss it. Separate accounts just feel like they muddy the waters.

And it doesn't give you the ick?

I think this is a really sad post, you can tell the poster is terribly unhappy and is not getting support in their relationship. I think the activity has been the icing on the cake and you are well aware things need to change for the health and happiness of you and yoir children. Life is too short to be miserable.

Why are you still with this tool? He sounds a complete drip

You seem sorted now however I wouldn’t have asked him which account, I would have just done the banking account transaction myself from the joint account.

Ok you need to stop doing this. He is being unreasonable but things like this enable him to be unreasonable. Children’s expenses are joint and your time parenting should be joint.

honestly he sounds like he adds nothing

YANBU at all. You call him DH and I hope that means you’re legally married so have fewer concerns over long term finances, but I urge you to focus on your long term earning capacity- this marriage isn’t going to last past your kids being at home (and maybe not that long), you want to be in a position to have a good life and help your kids out in 10/20 years time.

This isn't normal at all especially to be so angry about something for his DC. Me and DP share everything we earn and everything comes out the same pot.
DP has signed up for 3 baby classes a week as hes on a long paternity and I didn't even blink 😅 its not as if you're even asking for money for yourself? It's his child.

Did you talk to him before you signed the child up? Expenses, timings, fairness to other children?

Yes, I was trying to reply to a comment which made the point it is a joint expense unless very expensive and/or not discussed. Its shit of him, especially as they have a joint account which seems to be specifically for such things!

Oh my days some of the husbands on here! First off, the massive finances red flag (caveat, if you're skint or have had long chats about budgeting or have money worries or are trying to save he might have a small point). Clearly this is a family expense, everything for the children should come from a joint pot and even the way you both carefully pay 50/50 in just seems a bit depressing and not like a partnership/teamwork to me. In my house my husband earns significantly more than me, it's our money, it's always been our money. That's because legally our assets and finances are shared but more importantly our lives are shared, yes he earns more but I also bring value in other ways. The idea of him withholding family finances is horrendous, it borders on financial abuse. We earn money for the family and we each trust each other to spend it on whatever we need/want appropriately.

Secondly- "as many mothers do". Maybe we do, but we shouldn't. If you both work similar hours then childcare, clubs, holidays, housework should be shared. They're his kids too. If you're having to organise all of this stuff and then he has the audacity to get shitty about what you've organised. No words. If you split, he'd have to sort all of this out and pay for whatever occurs on his time or child support.

Personally I'd question what this man adds to your life, it doesn't sound like he's kind or generous, it doesn't sound like he supports you with childcare, family life or is a good dad, it also doesn't sound like you like him that much. What do you lose without him? What are you gaining through his presence?

I wouldn’t have even asked. Of course, it comes from the family account. It’s a family expense.

I also put all days out, coffee and cake, parking on days out through the joint account. My personal hobbies come out of my own account. But me parenting the children so Dh can work is not a personal expense.

I think it depends on the hobby and whether it was discussed beforehand tbh!