Page 6 | Chat with daughter... Non consensual photo

BGP · 2026-02-28T00:37:04+00:00

Chilling with DD 15, tonight. Talking about her BF who is away on holiday. I really like him because he has been the first boy she was chosen who she never felt the need to impress or pose around. She's always clearly felt very comfortable with him and able to be herself, not all hair and makeup etc. He's a nice lad, nice family, slightly immature for age (17) and not the brightest but always seemed calm and kind and caring. She says when he stayed over here (separate rooms) the next morning he went to her room. He fell asleep and then his phone buzzed and she looked. He had taken a photo of her bum while she was asleep, not naked but her PJ's had ridden down. She was upset and angry that he did that when she trusted him. She's considering breaking up with him. I don't have an issue with this, and I fully defend her right to privacy and respect, this is not ok. But a part of me feels sorry for these teen boys. They don't seem to have any proper guidance on how to behave, or on consent. If I had a son I would bloody well make sure he understood, but I watch blokes bigging up the sexualisation of women and girls all the time. It's normalised. How do these young people have a chance at any decent relationships? What the fuck has happened to all of us? All the social media, lack of real relationships, communication, respect? I will reiterate I do not condone his behaviour. But I feel sorry for these boys, as a mum of girls. They don't seem to know what to do. Mums of boys.....what do you think?

brendaschmenda · 28/02/2026 02:23

nocoolnamesleft · 28/02/2026 00:41

"I do not condone" always seems such a weasel worded way of phasing it. You can feel sorry for the lack of decent role models for some young men/boys, and still utterly condemn his violation of your daughter's privacy.

But that’s just pretty much what she said, isn’t it?

Why are you having a go at her over semantics?

gillefc82 · 28/02/2026 02:19

@BGP support your DD to finish things with this lad, as he has clearly overstepped a boundary. You may also want to have a delicate conversation with his parents to explain why the dumping has happened and what their son should do differently in future to avoid any similar issues. Good on your Daughter for being honest and transparent with you about what happened - that’s a testament to your relationship.

Original poster

BGP · 28/02/2026 02:18

PeaOKnee · 28/02/2026 02:14

Why is he sleeping over? Regardless of separate rooms?? I have teenagers of both sexes and there is no planet on which my 15 year old daughter's 17 years olds boyfriend is sleeping over. Safeguarding isn't just the job of teachers and social workers.

Do you let anyone sleep over?

OP posts:

Zanatdy · 28/02/2026 02:18

Our school did chat about consent in 6th form, or maybe year 11. I had a chat about consent on the drive to uni. I guess with phones, all kinds of non consent photos are being taken and I dread to think how widespread this is. You’d hope schools cover this kind of things at school, but of course parents should discuss it too.

PeaOKnee · 28/02/2026 02:14

Why is he sleeping over? Regardless of separate rooms?? I have teenagers of both sexes and there is no planet on which my 15 year old daughter's 17 years olds boyfriend is sleeping over. Safeguarding isn't just the job of teachers and social workers.

BGP · 28/02/2026 02:13

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Original poster

BGP · 28/02/2026 02:01

IAmKerplunk · 28/02/2026 01:43

So the door is always open when they are together yet he managed to take a photo of part of her bum whilst she was asleep? Clearly no adult supervision as you claim. Then at another point he is asleep and she is awake in her room (when she looked at his phone) again according to you the door would have been open and they were under adult supervision and you were keeping an eye on them? None of that adds up

If this is true…
Your dd shouldn’t be considering breaking up with him she should definitely be breaking up with him. Fwiw my ds is 25 and fully aware this behaviour isn’t ok - because even if parents don’t bother to teach their dc then the schools absolutely do so you feeling sorry for him is bat shit crazy. If you genuinely feel sorry for him then tell his mum and dad so they can set him straight. And don’t let 17yr old boys in your 15yr old dds bedroom where (as you have found out) she can end up in a very vulnerable position despite all the supposed ‘supervision’

Arggghh!

How many kids listen to what they are told at school???

What do they see and hear at home?? How much 'banter' is derogatory and damaging?

Yes they are supervised. Please step up any parent whose child has never fallen over whilst supervised, or pulled a cup off a table whilst supervised. Or stolen a biscuit while supervised, or broken something or ever put themselves in harm's way.

If my child is in an open room, with the door open, regular checks, how am I not parenting appropriately?

She could be with another girl. Would that matter? Change things?

She has actually expressed she's bisexual and was in a relationship with a girl for a year, same age. Same rules applied.

I hope you all have toddlers because that's the level of supervision you seem to expect and if you can achieve 100% zero incidents ever... Congratulations

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CassandraCan · 28/02/2026 01:58

Cosmication · 28/02/2026 01:55

I don't really see why this is such a massive deal. He took a pic of her builders bum because it was funny, didn't send it to anyone. Yes it was a mistake. She was upset. I'd be upset too. They both learn a lesson about consent. Move on.

It doesn't sound like it was malicious or sexual, and it wasn't shared. It was a very silly and immature thing to do. I hope they can move past it but I wouldn't be ending a relationship over this if the other person was genuinely mortified and apologetic, expressed serious regret and promised never do it again.

How do you know it wasn’t shared?

WestEaste · 28/02/2026 01:55

You sound so naive, it’s ridiculous. To the point of being a shit mother for your daughter.

teenagers are probably the most sex obsessed people, because it’s such a big event for them to start having sex and start dating and being intimate. It’s a formative moment.

the novelty wears off to old people like you who have no clue what it’s like to be a teenager at this point, so you then assume sex doesn’t cross their mind or doesn’t filter in when he takes photos of her ass in bed. Yeah, that’s not the case. He took the photo because he wanted a reminder. It’s not a platonic relationship.

Cosmication · 28/02/2026 01:55

I don't really see why this is such a massive deal. He took a pic of her builders bum because it was funny, didn't send it to anyone. Yes it was a mistake. She was upset. I'd be upset too. They both learn a lesson about consent. Move on.

It doesn't sound like it was malicious or sexual, and it wasn't shared. It was a very silly and immature thing to do. I hope they can move past it but I wouldn't be ending a relationship over this if the other person was genuinely mortified and apologetic, expressed serious regret and promised never do it again.

CassandraCan · 28/02/2026 01:54

Good parents do teach their kids boundaries and what is right and wrong. And schools teach it too. PSHE lessons are forever going on about photo sharing, boundaries and consent, so you’re disillusioned there OP. Basically, this boyfriend is just a creep.

As the PP who is a student in their 20 said, young folk tend to date the same age group these days. My kids and their peers (late secondary) only date same year group. So you need to ask yourself why no-one his own age wants him,

Your DD should break up with him regarding this.

Shitstix · 28/02/2026 01:53

Your poor dd. Be fucking outraged her bf took an intimate photo while she was asleep. Not feeling sorry for him because he's a pervert who thought what he did was anyway acceptable.

You dont have a ds by any chance??

QuayshhLawrain · 28/02/2026 01:51

Nkgp · 28/02/2026 00:42

I have a teen boy and a teen girl (19/18) Was it a sexualised photo or was it just a kind of joke
bum photo. I can imagine taking a joke bum photo and my dh and teens having a laugh.

that said, my 19yo boy absolutely wouldn’t do it and both my teens would think a 17yo boy dating a 15yo girl was a “paedo”. I’d suggest girls his own age won’t date him.

I agree, I have 17 and 18 year old DDs and they would be horrified at this! I was a teenager in the 90's when it was completely normal for a 15 year old girl to date a 19 year old man, or a 17 year old girl to date a 25 year old man (I did both, and my parents didn't raise so much as an eyebrow!).

Thankfully, teenage attitudes to appropriate dating ages have changed, and they are far more aware of the dangerous power dynamics of dating someone more than a year or so older or younger. I don't like that teens call other teens "peados", but I agree it's quite normal for that to happen in these circumstances these days.

OP I think you need to stop worrying about what you think about this boy's actions, and focus on supporting your DD and ensuring she is safe. You might think it was "just a joke" or "he didn't mean any harm", but your DD has made it clear that she feels upset about it, so you need to ensure you're not minimising his actions and that she feels like you're on her side with this.

Original poster

BGP · 28/02/2026 01:45

Icecreamisthebest · 28/02/2026 01:29

He did it because of male privilege.

She should definitely dump him.

im also not convinced that her pjs rode down on their own. I think it’s highly likely that he pulled him down. He’s a little turd and he would never be welcome in my home again.

And yes I would call his parents.

I totally agree with male privilege. I watch friends bigging up their sons and the way adult men talk about women and girls.

The ones who have teen daughters join the banter until they are reminded they could be discussing their own daughters. It's depressing.

I'm leaving her to make her own decisions, but she is going to dump him. She always has my support in everything when it comes to her safety and wellbeing.

Her pants will definitely be her own doing and he's just taken a picture, she literally takes her whole bedding off, wrestles imaginary tigers and god knows what else in her sleep. No one in the family will share a bed with her as she is liable to kick you in the head and strip the bedding off in her sleep. He's just done a stupid thing.

The problem is none of them understand the ramifications of one stupid action or moment. When I was their age you did something dumb, learnt a lesson and that was that

Now it can be everywhere and never ever go away. I genuinely think this is not malicious it is naivety.

OP posts:

WhatWouldRoyKentSay · 28/02/2026 01:45

@BGP - did his phone buzz because he had shared the pic of your daughter's bottom? Or was the buzz some other notification and your daughter saw the pic when she was checking his phone? I'm not saying she was snooping either, as it seems a lot of teens these days are sharing access to just about everything wihen they partner up - phone, banking, and SM.

IAmKerplunk · 28/02/2026 01:43

So the door is always open when they are together yet he managed to take a photo of part of her bum whilst she was asleep? Clearly no adult supervision as you claim. Then at another point he is asleep and she is awake in her room (when she looked at his phone) again according to you the door would have been open and they were under adult supervision and you were keeping an eye on them? None of that adds up

If this is true…
Your dd shouldn’t be considering breaking up with him she should definitely be breaking up with him. Fwiw my ds is 25 and fully aware this behaviour isn’t ok - because even if parents don’t bother to teach their dc then the schools absolutely do so you feeling sorry for him is bat shit crazy. If you genuinely feel sorry for him then tell his mum and dad so they can set him straight. And don’t let 17yr old boys in your 15yr old dds bedroom where (as you have found out) she can end up in a very vulnerable position despite all the supposed ‘supervision’

nocoolnamesleft · 28/02/2026 01:40

ASandwichNamedKevin · 28/02/2026 01:35

Agree that condemn is stronger than do not condone. On the subject of language, please avoid 'child porn' as a descriptor for indecent images of children or images of child sexual abuse.

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Apologies.

ASandwichNamedKevin · 28/02/2026 01:35

nocoolnamesleft · 28/02/2026 01:07

If you don't want anyone to suggest that your post was weasel worded, then don't use classic weasel words. And it's much faster to type "I condemn" than "I do not condone" and yet you chose to do so. Incidentally, the police could well consider his action to be the creation of child porn.

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Agree that condemn is stronger than do not condone. On the subject of language, please avoid 'child porn' as a descriptor for indecent images of children or images of child sexual abuse.

RunningForSanity · 28/02/2026 01:33

Something seems very off about this thread to me. We are supposed to believe that a mum whose teen daughter had a photo taken of her bum without consent feels sorry for boy who did it and boys in general. 🤔

I have reported but even if they don’t take it down, I’ll remain suspicious.

Keroppi · 28/02/2026 01:29

All boys and girls get taught about consent and boundaries near constantly at school.
Some don't listen and don't care.
Same as some kids steal etc.
It's all well and good to say it shouldn't be this way but it is for so many other things as well as boundaries etc

Boys are accessing and exposed to porn and porn adjacent things from as young as age 7 or so I'd say. It all contributes

I don't understand your thinking really and I certainly would not have him over again.. i think 15 is too young for sleepovers with partners.

Icecreamisthebest · 28/02/2026 01:29

He did it because of male privilege.

She should definitely dump him.

im also not convinced that her pjs rode down on their own. I think it’s highly likely that he pulled him down. He’s a little turd and he would never be welcome in my home again.

And yes I would call his parents.

Original poster

BGP · 28/02/2026 01:28

Whatwerewetalkingabout · 28/02/2026 01:12

Did he delete it and empty it out of his deleted photo bin?! What he did was a crime and the fact she's 15 makes this quite serious. I know you say they were in seperate rooms OP but he snuck into her room whilst she was asleep so could have done anything. You need to sort your attitude around your daughter too, you're minimising her upset and empathising with the offender. You should have your bloody daughters back. And set some boundaries like not letting 17 year old lads stay over at your house as your daughter is underage!

Ok.

If I was minimising her upset I wouldn't have posted at all because I wouldn't care?

It wasn't a pornographic photo it was a picture of the top of her bum after her pants rode down because she fights imaginary gorillas in her sleep.

He took a picture and she didn't know (totally wrong) she woke up found and deleted picture.

He did something stupid. I don't believe he did then or has ever intended her or anyone else any harm. He is 17 in age but he is still very much also a child. The relationship has always been very childlike between them. They spend time together under adult supervision, the door to her room is always open when they are together so we can keep an eye on them.

She has never expressed anything else that has upset her.

I totally uphold that having a photo taken of her without her knowledge is not ok. Even a pic or her snoring that she doesn't consent to is not ok.

I have always put my daughter's safety first. She is not and has never been in any danger, there are always adults present, doors open and regular check ups in our house
.

OP posts:

Carla786 · 28/02/2026 01:24

BGP · 28/02/2026 01:02

I totally understand the dynamics.

When I was a teenager I had an older boyfriend, because the boys in my year had nothing to say, no opinions, only wanted to play football. The girls wanted conversation, connection.

That doesn't mean a sexual relationship. She is an old 15 and he is a young 17 and they are on the same level. The relationship is actually very innocent.

She said he was playing the drums on her butt - typical silly behaviour between them. The picture was not sexualised or sent to anyone.

It was without consent which was what upset her, and rightly so

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Innocent, hmm? Maybe. But he should know this is inappropriate. If he's a bit dumb, maybe he thought he'd be fine with it, so she should be, but it's obviously more complex than that

SoSadSoSadSoSad · 28/02/2026 01:22

BGP · 28/02/2026 00:53

I told my DD it was wrong, she shouldn't have that non consensual invasion of her body, privacy, self.

Don't call me weasel worded. It's quite frankly rude. I have told her to protect herself and she knows what is right. I am asking why our society doesn't teach boys about boundaries and consent.

Why it is laughed about when a boy has a high turnover of dates/girlfriends and why do they think they own the girls?

If someone took a picture of my bum when I was sleeping I would knock the fucker out!!! She addressed it with him but he didn't see it was an issue. That's my problem, it shouldn't be this way.

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She should without a doubt dump him for this

BBCLW · 28/02/2026 01:20

He went into your underage daughter's room while she was asleep and touched her bare bottom and took a photo. He'd been there long enough to do that and then fall asleep. Did her pyjamas 'ride down' on their own? Have you contacted his parents about it? If she breaks up with him about this, will he share the photo with everyone else at school?

You need to be prepared for her to get substantial backlash from him. She'll need a lot of support.