Chat with daughter... Non consensual photo

Nor me. Lots of wine fuelled drama here.

He sounds very immature,, and photos shouldn’t be taken like that. If the daughter wants to break up with him, then that’s up to her.

A bollocking is all he needs - and I’m sure his mum will give him one.

I can imagine a scenario of teenage boys staying over at a mates house, some of them wake up and see one of them still sleeping with his bum showing and them taking a photo and then teasing him about it when he woke up, Look at you asleep with your arse hanging out!
The OP says that he is a bit immature and they have a comfortable, non sexual relationship with each other, he may have thought she would laugh at this because his mates would have done and they have a mate-like relationship.
None of us here know what actually went through his mind, if it was a bit of (inappropriate but not malicious) mate like teasing or something more sexualised. But judging by the comments here he has been written off as an immoral, disgusting, creepy sexual predator!

Your dh & boys would laugh at a non consensual picture of a child in a state of undress.

I’m pretty sure there are laws about not just taking these types of photos but sharing /showing them to others.

actually disgusted

They absolutely do. There is a huge cognitive dissonance if they’ve become active in the manosphere though especially as the majority of teachers are female imparting these values.

I don’t believe he went in in the morning either

I wouldn’t be letting him back in the house, and it’s quite possibly depending on the photo a police matter as distributing child pornography - she’s under 15. If he’s sent it, or uploaded it which eh will have done to his phones auto backup system.
Not to mention once it’s in the cloud it’s gone forever. I don’t think you’re taking it seriously enough and your daughter needs to be supported to do so.

No they really wouldn’t 😂

"She addressed it with him, but he didn't see the issue..."
There it is, right there. A boy may get it wrong, they're partly a product of their environment as you say. But when he's told by a girl he's got it wrong he should have enough respect and decency to understand that it is an issue. He didn't, and that speaks of character, not the world he lives in.

I think you know you’re talking bollox from everyone else’s reaction.

The ‘poor boy’ should not have and never should, take photos of your daughter’s bum without her consent. He will know he was wrong because he has already been taught at school, even if his parents didn’t teach him.

You are totally naive if you think these two haven’t already had sex. Your daughter is 15 and you’ve stated she’s already had a year long relationship with a girl, and now been seeing this boy long enough for you to be comfortable that he can sleep at your house (at least four times) as well as his house several times.

At 17 he should be dating someone his own age, or at least not a 15 year old. He will want to have a sexual relationship and clearly your condoning that by letting them stay together.

It also doesn’t make sense how your daughter even saw the photo because surely he had his phone locked. Unless, she knows his passcode and she was snooping. And why would he pop into her bedroom and fall asleep and you not be aware if you were supervising them?

Reading all your posts op - you haven’t put her ‘safety first’ if you’re allowing him to be in her presence whilst she is asleep. He shouldn’t be there when she is asleep.

Definitely zero and I mean zero sleepovers at 15. Are you mad??? She’s a minor. I think that’s seriously irresponsible of you..

Op, back your dd on this. She has much better, stronger boundaries on this than you seem to have.

Not acceptable.
She doesn’t really need a boyfriend at 15. Id not be encouraging it tbh. And I’d be talking to his parents about what he has done… she is still a minor, under your responsibility.

It’s never ok to take a photo of anyone without their permission. I would be massively concerned that he could bully your daughter with that picture. Be aware he may come across as a nice boy to you but he may not always be to dd. I teach my son to respect others. That isn’t respect. Alarm bells would be ringing for me about his behaviour. I wouldn’t allow a sleepover at 15.

You say ‘he’s the first boy she was chosen who she never felt the need to impress or pose around.
She's always clearly felt very comfortable with him and able to be herself, not all hair and makeup etc.’
this makes it sound like there’s been lots of boys. Since what age? Have they all slept over or have you waited for the oldest one?
The ‘slightly immature’ 17 year old?

bring slightly immature at 17 does NOT make him equal to a fifteen year old girl.

If you’re at the point of feeling comfortable enough to have a 17 year old young man staying over with your 15 year old daughter, I’m not sure you have been protective enough of her , regardless of the photo.

What? You feel sorry for them? You seriously need to work out what on earth has led you to this position. A 17 year old is going out with your underage daughter and he takes a photo of her bum while she is asleep and you feel sorry for him? You don't feel sorry for your daughter poor girl? This has got to be a wind up post.

This.

Teen boys get lots of guidance at school about consent and appropriate behaviour. I wouldn't feel sorry for him and she's been violated.

I wouldn’t matter how much I ‘liked’ this boy……..once my daughter revealed what he had done I’d be speaking to him and his parents.
He stayed overnight at your house and steps widely over the line by taking a non-consensual photograph of someone whilst they were asleep?!?! He has no respect for your daughter, your hospitality or females in general if he thinks his behaviour was acceptable.

His behaviour wasn’t just ‘stupid’ ffs…….it was unjustified, immoral, disgusting, illegal……how you can tolerate having this boy in your house beggars belief.

My 10 year old son knows better. Either this 17 year old is very dim or...worse. I still can't get my head around the fact you let him sleep over when your daughter is only 15. Any boy with so little empathy and respect is not boyfriend material.

Exactly. OPs response is fucking bizarre.

That 'poor boy' mindset enables that pretence or the not caring about boundaries from boys and men.

If this was my DD I'd be telling her to dump the little creep, and I'd be making it very clear to him (and probably his parents too) what a disrespectful little perve I thought he was.

It is when part of the child's bottom is exposed. What's your collar number?

Why are you thinking boys aren’t taught about consent, rather than thinking this boy has been taught but doesn’t care? Teaching about consent begins in the primary school curriculum.

It's a criminal offence, expect more of your boy. I do of mine.

I work with sex offenders. It doesn't matter that it's only part of her bum, if his phone was looked at by police it would be considered an indecent image of a child. The law states for that context the age limit is 18 to give consent to indecent images regardless of the fact that the age of consent is 16. What he has done is very very serious and someone needs to have that conversation with him. He also shouldn't be sneaking into her bedroom while she's asleep.