To move home 3 months after emigrating?

Wherever you are in Europe you've been therr for the shittiest 3 months of the year! Get to thr summer and then see how you feel. I live abroad and its tough but I like it here more than the uk!

I’d say that if you want to have a good go at it you need to commit for 12 months, really try to find friends for you and LO, make a life for yourself tnere.
However, if you had reservations at the start and you know it won’t work, or maybe you don’t want to make it work, then don’t waste another day and go home.

You’ve got culture shock. It’s a known thing. It gets much better but it’s horrible when you’re in it. Ironically I studied it at university, starting two weeks after mine was so bad that I cried in the supermarket and all over a poor Spanish man.

Your toddler will regulate, but they’ll do it much faster if you regulate first. You can’t help them coregulate right now. Bringing them home won’t immediately regulate them either, it’s more change. After 3 months, you’ve gotta get through this bit regardless, now.

Three months is already enough for your toddler to be considered settled if you’ve properly made the move. It isn’t just time based, but intent based. You’d need legal advice to see what the situation is if you genuinely want to return before/without your husband.

After three months you have barely unpacked. You have to at least try. You sold your house!

It took me a year and that was in an English speaking country. Once got past first year then things really settled BUT I didn't have children so I got a job and made friends etc

3 months is too early - I moved abroad from London to a European city when I was pregnant, took 12 months to feel settled, and 6 years later I'm still here. Love it and wouldn't change a thing. I joined peanut app and met other mums that way.

Homesickness is awful. My cousin and her husband and 2 small children moved to Australia 20 years ago. My cousin cried every single day for about 9 months. Her letters were heartbreaking.
Then suddenly one day she pulled herself together, joined some mum clubs, started to make friends and never looked back. She loves it now, the only downside is its such a long way to visit loved ones. Her parents are now retired and come over for a month every year which helps x
Don't throw the towel in just yet OP.
Give it a bit more time x

I think it's too soon to decide to go back, it takes time to settle. It will be hard for the toddler to stay regulated if you aren't, if you're crying all the time then your child is going to stress too. Are there any children's groups you could join to meet people and feel a bit less lonely? Sorry you are struggling so much, I hope things get easier for you.

It seems a bit defeatist to go back after only 3 months. You're moving into sunnier warmer months now, so hang in there.

You need to give it a good 12-18m
(I’ve lived abroad myself )
sending hugs
try to find an expat community

I moved back to the UK after living abroad for over a decade. I would say it took me a good 2 years to feel ok and I was pretty unhappy a lot - and that is without the culture shock and language barrier. I hope you can find things to help you settle.

This.

If you're still not settled in a year, will your husband agree to you all coming back to the UK?

If he insists on staying himself, will he let you leave and return to the UK with your child? If he won't, to be with your child you'll have to stay.

You need to give it a bit longer. Check out Facebook groups to meet local mums or foreign mums (these groups are usually in English). How is the child care over there? If it’s good put toddler in a couple of days a week and get some work/volunteer/study to help fill your time and meet people

We lived abroad for 5 years, children were 5 & 8 when we moved. We actually moved for my job but I cried every weekend for weeks. I can’t remember exactly how many, but one weekend I realised I hadn’t cried! We had 5 fantastic years where the main question of the day was ‘do we swim in the pool or the sea’ and at the weekends, we could do both.
I would say give it time, 3 months is really not long enough. Try and go to places where you can meet other families with young children. Are there local toddler groups? Language shouldn’t really be a barrier at places like that. Does your DH know if any of his colleagues have wives/partners with young children that you could arrange to meet up?
I wish you well but try for another 3 months and see how you feel then.

My sister had this. It was a country where she didn't speak the main language but there was a widely spoken second language she did speak, but she was miserable nonetheless. She persevered and gave it 15 months then they gave up and moved home. Even with family visits, she really missed life in the uk. Not everyone is suited to emigration.

As someone who moved to Oz for her dhs career, fuck it! Throw in the towel. My dh was at work all day, I was home with baby and toddler trying my best to make sense of it and meet people, get on with life. It’s was fucking hard, I won’t lie.
i’d given up my job in the Uk which I loved and was now looking after two kids bored out of my mind waiting for dh to come home.
In hindsight, I wished I’d talked to him.

Homesickness is shit, but it doesn’t last at the horrid level you’re at now, ime. I think you need at least a year in a new country before you start feeling even a bit at home, and two years to know if it’s going to work out longer term.

How does your husband feel? Can you have a chat and agree some review dates? After say six months to see what’s working and what isn’t, and to set a further date for a decision on staying longer or leaving?

In the meantime, join whatever you can: local
groups like language lessons for immigrants (any, not just British), sports clubs if that’s your thing, children’s activities… as others have said if you can say which country, people could make focused suggestions.

Which country? I'd throw myself into it. Good luck x

Although it probably feels like forever, three months is really early in the settling process. Novelty has worn off but you haven’t had time to create your life there yet so you’re left floundering for a bit. Agree with PP, find some English speaking groups. You can join groups in the native language in time, but you need some support / social interaction now. Your DC will be a great way to meet people.

Read ‘A Broad Abroad’ by Robin Pascoe, very honest account of her experience as a ‘trailing spouse’. I found it very reassuring in the crying everyday phases.

Also think realistically about what coming home looks like. Can / would your DH leave the new job? Living in separate countries is not an easy option either.

To family, friends and whatever she is missing.

To what?

Focus on finding friends for yourself, especially fellow foreigners because you can bond over settling in. There might be English language parent or hobby groups you can join. I find it takes longer to make local friends, especially if you're not working and/or don't speak the language yet, so you feel a bit on the outside looking in for a long time.

After three months the novelty wears off and it can get really hard. Has your DH committed to a fixed term or is it meant to be permanent?

3 months is awfully early but on the other hand if you stay much longer your child will be considered settled there so you won’t have the option to move back with them unless your DH agrees. Only you can decide if that’s a risk you are willing to take.

You need to give it at least 6 months. It's early days at the moment, try to find a routine to your week, some regularity will help you , good luck 👍

It’s too early.
Try posting on the living overseas board, if you haven’t already.
Reckon four months is about peak misery, nothing is new and exciting anymore but everything is still hard.
After a year you will have a much clearer idea. Make as many friends as possible, say yes to everything you are offered. Make sure your DH is leveraging all his network at work to get you company. Work as hard as you can on the language, join every English speaking Facebook group possible for your area.
It is a really hard thing you are doing but it will get easier with time.