7 year old child left alone whilst dad goes to the shop

Autism does make a big difference, yes. Most children are not autistic, and OP has not said her son is, so I don't think the comparison between your child and hers is appropriate. She has also said her DS didn't seem at all bothered by being left alone.

You’ve decided it was 30 mins though.
If a 7 year old can’t be trusted to be alone in the house, or even downstairs in the house for a period of time they can’t be trusted with their own perception of time surely. Your 7yo didn’t even say it was 30 mins, he said the shop was about 10 mins away, you’ve assumed it must have been 10 mins in the shop but really all this could have been completed in 15 mins or less.

I’ve never spent 10 mins in a corner shop.
Presumably you know where the shop is relative to where your ex lives and can work out the distance yourself?

Yes there is - the fact that in an emergency such as a fire, a 7 year old cannot be responsible enough to deal with how to escape that. Or that your 7 year old might injure themselves and you’re not there to take appropriate action and they aren’t mature enough to help themselves or know what to do. Or they might try to experiment with the hob/gas/water as a game and cause a hazard or damage…..

I think this is fine, but you don't and that's what's important, as he is your son.
I'd be having a word with your ex. It does seem a bit strange he is NOT taking your biy with him. Is he definitely going to the shop?!

They are more resilient because instead of being given the impression that they are incompetent babies who can't do anything without an adult around, they are treated as competent individuals who are capable of certain age-appropriate tasks, privileges and obligations. And because instead of being given the impression the world (including their own home) is a deeply dangerous place with literal death traps hiding behind every corner, they are told the world is a safe place that one can enjoy and explore, as long as one is sensible and sufficiently cautious.
And because I know people will jump on "competent" - treating kids as competent doesn't mean you think they can get a credit card and drive a car. It means you assess their cognitive/physical abilities and the risks to them in a sober and critical fashion, and then give them as much independence and autonomy as is possible at each stage of development.

My DD doesn’t have an anxiety disorder but she does have Autism. All the more reason not to leave her alone, yes? She would be terrified on her own but it’s a shame I have had to explain myself because of an abrupt comment, “That’s not normal, surely?”

I still stand by that 7 is very young and some of them wouldn’t like to be left on their own even NT children, even at home.

Sometimes they’re just happy playing though? At 7 is there really a good reason to make them go with you for 15 minutes if they’re busy and happy?

'terrified' seems like an extreme reaction to me.

It’s wild. I have a just turned 4yo. Not sure I would let them go to the corner shop 1 minute away let alone this crazy journey this child took! So it made me question a lot of things. Why are these kids more resilient? Are they or do they just become because they made them through exposure and expectation. I don’t know. It was wild to watch.

But in the context of that I don’t understand how a 7yo can’t stay at home. But I don’t have a 7yo yet so what do I know.

It will really depend on where you live. I never thought I was an overly lax parent but I felt the post talking about leaving a 5&3 year old in the house for minutes while walking to the car parked on the street was actual insanity, but because of where we live I don’t think she would play out at 7 or any age soon after that!
I’ve never seen kids younger than about 12/3 about here. And to be fair there are some busier roads, lots of cars and it’s not super quiet or residential.

I definitely think they will be missing out from not having the childhood I had, but I don’t see how it would be possible now.

That’s sad!! The kids in my class hang out together after school.

At 7 there’s literally no good reason to leave him alone when he could very easily just walk with him to the shop!!

I'm talking about an actual physical threat.
Being afraid when there is no physical threat present usually means someone has an anxiety disorder. For a very small child I can understand being afraid of being alone, but at 7 children should understand their own home isn't dangerous.

I actually think almost no 7 year olds play out with friends.

So none of your 7 year olds play outside with friends? Why are all these intruders suddenly appearing in what I can only imagine is an average 3/4 bedroom house?

7 year olds would be fine. I’ve popped next door for longer chats!

I think it’s too young. My DCs dad left him for about 15 mins when he went to the shop. Said he will be fine, he watches tv for longer when we do other stuff - ie cooking, having a bath etc. whilst I said yes I understand, but what if something happened to you and you didn’t make it back? Run over by a car, random drop down dead or something! He then agreed & realised it was wrong. Never happened again and won’t for a long time.

Agree. I grew up in the UK with an anxious mother. I wasn't allowed to walk down the drive by myself to go to the house next door. I wasn't allowed to do anything physical she perceived as dangerous - I wanted a bunk bed, which was denied in case I fell off the ladder. Wasn't allowed on trampolines in case I ended up in a wheelchair. This all gave me low confidence in my own abilities and an anxiety disorder.

I live in Germany now, where resilience and self-sufficiency are high priorities in early childhood education. My kids can walk around the neighbourhood alone, they go to the supermarket alone, they are sometimes home by themselves. They feel proud of themselves for being trusted to be independent, and they enjoy having the run of the house. They are so much less fearful and anxious than I was as a kid, so much more confident. It's great to see.

The UK is so weird and inconsistent with some things - multiple MN threads about parents being pressured to send kids to school when sick or badly injured, but a 7 yo isn't considered capable of remaining safe in their own home for 30 mins.

The immediate threat would be her knowing she is on her own. It’s not black and white… not all 7 year olds are fine with it and yes I think that’s normal for a child that age. My DD would be very upset.
Not sure why people are so bothered about a 7 year old not feeling safe if there isn’t an adult around. I can see who aren’t the normal ones.

I can't get my head around a 7 year old not having been taught how to lock and unlock a door. There are several situations where that could be a big problem.

What if something happens to the dad whilst he's out? What if the child falls and knocks himself out? What if the child eats something and chokes?
So many different scenarios.
Totally unacceptable. Apart from anything else a loud noise can be scary at 7 years old.
Lazy bastard. He should take the child with him.

In Germany and Austria it's legal for 6 year olds to take public transport or walk to school alone. Obviously quite rare in cities but not unheard of. In German culture, 7 year olds can be left home alone for up to 2 hours. (The parents still carry responsibility for the child in case anything serious happens, but 2 hours is a societal norm that many people don't really bat an eyelid at)

I recently watched becoming you. It’s about the first 2000 days of life (0-5 years old). I watched a 3 year old walk out of a high rise Tokyo apartment, traverse a busy city, buy something and then return home. Apparently this is an important cultural milestone called ‘the first errand’. Honestly it has made me question our British parenting.

When that feeling is irrational, yes.

A 7yo should not be "terrified" of being alone in their own home. If they are, then something has gone wrong somewhere (assuming they're neurotypical and not disabled etc).