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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel awkward asking family for a loan in my 30s?

60 replies

TheCleverLemur · 27/02/2026 13:23

I’ve always been financially independent and come from a family where money just isn’t discussed. No one asks for help.

I’m in my early 30s and for the first time I may need to borrow some money from family. I feel embarrassed even typing that.

For those who’ve done it, how did you ask? Did you agree repayment terms upfront? Did it change anything in the relationship? Not looking for judgement, just interested in how others handled it.

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 27/02/2026 13:59

If you can't borrow then that would suggest that you will have difficulty paying it back. Are your family aware of previous debt problems?

Simplesbest · 27/02/2026 13:59

Weirdly enough recently had this convo with my sister. She was taking out a 9k loan for a car think it was 3k interest though. I suggested she ask our parents. Like yours they NEVER discuss money but we know they have it (both still work on their own business, and mortgage free on house worth over 1mil, fancy cars and expensive holidays) they've never offered us kids any financial help but we've also never asked.
Anyway she just text them saying she'd looking into the loans and could do it herself but was wondering if she could borrow from them instead as wouldn't have the interest. She said what she could afford to pay back monthly and said not to worry if it was a no. My mum just replied with a thumbs up and she had sent her the money by the end of the day. Been no kickback about it since don't think they've even talked about it in person.

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/02/2026 13:56

I think the amount depends

are we talking a few hundred or few thousand

is it for a good reason - like car broken

have a payment plan to replay in 6mths or longer depending on the amount

adlitem · 27/02/2026 13:56

Does the family you plan have the money to lend you? Do you generally have a good relationship? Do you think they consider you a trustworthy person to lend to?

Most people will help someone they love. The way to go about it is to ask without expectation and with a proposal that ensures them that they will get it back. And then not be annoyed it the answer is no.

Specialityblueberries · 27/02/2026 13:55

TheCleverLemur · 27/02/2026 13:49

Not everyone has access to borrowing on good terms. I was more asking about the family dynamic side of it than the financial mechanics.

Show quote history

If you have never been in debt before and good credit history - then getting a bank loan shouldn’t be a problem.

So if you’re not able to, does this mean you’ve had past issues with debt?

Ifeelsickagain · 27/02/2026 13:54

My sister asked my parents for a loan once and my parents decided to gift all the siblings the same amount so no repayment was needed but it was fair as all their children received the same Maybe your parents would do the same if they knew you were struggling?

Original poster
TheCleverLemur · 27/02/2026 13:49

WallaceinAnderland · 27/02/2026 13:42

Why family? If you have means to pay it back, why not just borrow it yourself?

Not everyone has access to borrowing on good terms. I was more asking about the family dynamic side of it than the financial mechanics.

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 27/02/2026 13:42

Why family? If you have means to pay it back, why not just borrow it yourself?

Original poster
TheCleverLemur · 27/02/2026 13:36

PineappleMelon · 27/02/2026 13:30

How you approach depends on the reasons. ie making a payment plan depends on how are things going to change in the future so you can pay it back. Do you have a plan? If so work the calculations and explain them.

Also be prepared for family member to say no. Have you got a plan B for if they do?

Yes, I do have a plan and I’d only ask if I was confident I could repay it. The emotional hurdle feels bigger than the practical one for me.

OP posts:
PineappleMelon · 27/02/2026 13:30

How you approach depends on the reasons. ie making a payment plan depends on how are things going to change in the future so you can pay it back. Do you have a plan? If so work the calculations and explain them.

Also be prepared for family member to say no. Have you got a plan B for if they do?