To feel awkward asking family for a loan in my 30s?

I've never borrowed off family since I was an adult. Parents would probably lend me some, but I don't want to ask. I've had bank loans for a car and a new boiler when I needed one.

I would feel uncomfortable asking people I know if I can borrow money from them because it puts them on the spot and makes them feel obliged to say 'Yes' whether they want to/can afford to or not. Either that or they say no and then they feel guilty, you feel embarrassed or resentful.

Either way, I prefer to keep finances on a non personal level - ie with the bank or a credit card.

I don’t think that’s very helpful to the OP

Presumably you have a good relationship with said parents or you wouldn't ask them.
When we bought our first home my dad had been made redundant and willingly lent us the money towards the deposit.
We knew we could pay it back in one go and he never queried it, bless him he waited until we had the funds which was in a few months.so it really depends on the relationship you have I think.

I’d feel ashamed to ask so would never do it under any circumstances. There’s always an alternative.

Is it to repay existing debt OP? Is that why you don't want to say what it's for.

When I was moving into my first flat (unfurnished) I asked my grandmother if she would lend me the money to buy the basics. I made out a list of what I needed with approximate prices and told her how much I could pay each month with interest. She absolutely refused the interest and offered to give me the money. I told her I would prefer it as a loan. I always felt the obligation to keep up the payments even if I was a bit short. As soon as I was paid each month I transferred the agreed sum to her, even before I paid my rent or other bills. When I had paid back half she absolutely refused to accept any more. She said I had kept my word and she was allowed to treat her grandchild. She also said she would be extremely angry if I tried to sneak it into her bank account. One did not argue with my grandmother. That was back in the 1960s. I never again borrowed money from a relative.

I do think it matters how much you want to borrow, what for and what your family dynamics are like but here’s my experience anyway.

We borrowed money from DMiL to buy a car She offered without us having to ask because she didn’t want us having to pay interest on a bank loan or car finance scheme but we did talk quite openly about needing to find the money somewhere so maybe they’d take a hint if you’re scared to ask directly?

We discussed what we needed to borrow, when she wanted it back by and how much we could pay each month. We signed a contract she’d made online and set up a standing order before she sent the money.

I was very uncomfortable with it at first. My main concern was being able to do things like go on a nice night out or have a holiday or decorate the house whilst owing DMiL money. She said she didn’t care what we did as long as the agreed repayments were made and we just have to trust her on that. Obviously there’s the worry that we might not be able to pay her back some months for whatever reason but that’d be a concern if we took out a bank loan or car finance agreement anyway. It is a bit awkward but if the family member can afford it and is happy to lend it it’s a good option.

I wouldn't make a big deal about it, but do be prepared if the answer is no, and don't make a thing about that either.

Weirdly, I've been on the other side. I out salaried my parents in my early 20's so my mum would occasionally ask to borrow money from me if she got caught short some months. She told me it made her feel terrible, but when I explained to her that I'd always help her if I could and would rather she came to me than get into more debt with interest things became easier.

I would say, if you repay it in monthly installments, keep the payments on time/regular and if you cannot for some reason, let your parents know before hand. Missing payments is much worse than the asking originally, for both sides.

Then if you have a history of debt problems, I’d say no.

I have lent money to my adult children and they have set up a standing order to repay each month.

It’s a really tricky subject and I think each family is different, I approached my mum for a loan and she sent it to me no worries and stressed there was no rush for repayment but I will of course repay it once more financially stable. I think most parents are happy to help if they have the means to? I had the payment plan all worked out so told her how much I could repay and by when which I think helped. I think you build it up on your head about the awkwardness of asking and quite often it’s nothing like that! Good luck OP

Explain why you need it, what’s happened to make you need the loan.
go with plan! So for example I have lent £9k of my mum. I said I could afford to pay back £250 per month and the reason i needed the money off her is because in paper I didn’t earn enough to get a personal loan.

We borrowed money off family a few years ago. We were very direct, explained how much we needed, what it was for and how much we could afford to pay back monthly/how long before it would be paid back.

Good luck op

I'm early 30s and was in the same situation last year OP. It's tough I know, you feel all sorts of difficult emotions.

I spent AGES (too long) worrying about what to say then I sat them down and explained my situation. They immediately wanted to help and asked for a figure so I'd make sure you have that figured out. They didn't care about any kind of repayment plan but I have since got a job that has eased the pressure and amount they're giving. You'll feel better once it's done and this is just one hard moment in your life when you need help (in the context of a long life hopefully!)

Yes, of course, financial situations do vary but hopefully they would prefer to know about it and help you out if you are struggling. Good luck.

We borrowed 2k from dh mum in January.

it really rankled me, as we could afford to save it quite quickly, but as it was for a new boiler in January, waiting three months wasn’t great.

husband has a good relationship with his mum, I don’t really.

we are paying £500 back per month, so only own her £1000 now , and obviously very grateful that we didn’t have to wait/ use expensive credit.

she did tell him he had to keep it a secret from his siblings which is a bit odd.

I hate owing her anything and will be glad on the last day of April when it’s over.

mainly cause £500 is had to find !

I’m not looking to get into my financial history on here. As I said, the question was about the family dynamic side of it rather than the borrowing mechanics.

As no one here knows your family, we can't say how they would react but we can make a reasonable prediction based on relevant facts such as:

The amount you want to borrow
What it is for (ie is it to pay off other debt)
How you plan to pay it back
Whether you have history of unpaid debts
Can they afford to lose it

These are all important to take into consideration before you consider asking them.

I asked my parents to help when I needed to buy my exh out. They lent me £50k so I could get a mortgage on my own.

no interest, but I do pay back as much as I can each month.

but…. My parents can afford it (they brought down £50k in CASH from their safe)

only downside….. if done without legal evidence it becomes tricky if you’re on UC as won’t be seen as a debt/loan

I guess it's relevant because your ability to pay it back does impact the dynamics.

Anyway, you can only ask and see what happens.

FWIW my parents have never lent me money, but I know they have to my siblings so probably would if I had asked. I only know because my sisters have told me.

This is important. also if the family member can comfortably afford to lose that amount of money.

my sister is always asking for money. She doesn't pay it back. People don’t take her on as they consider her irresponsible.

people knowing you cannot manage your money will make them think differently towards you.

unless it is for an investment: