To feel awkward asking family for a loan in my 30s?

@Swissmeringue I think the amount and how much the lender needs the money repaid are also factors. As I mentioned upthread, my FIL lent his children money that he needed for his retirement. I don’t know the exact amount among all the children but I think it was tens of thousands- so he definitely needed a repayment schedule.

Depends on the dynamics, my family are more open about money so recently my brother called and was like "I'm up shit creek, can I borrow 3 grand? Don't tell mum please and thank you." I lent it to him, no repayment terms, he'll pay me back as soon as he's got it I'm sure. There's a whole backstory about his car getting washed away in a storm (he lives in Texas, the storms have been ridiculous this year). Equally if I really needed it I could just ask him or my mum, if they had it, they'd say yes.

Dhs family are far more structured and formal, his parents recently borrowed a fairly substantial sum off us to help his brother put a deposit on a place as he was getting divorced and needed somewhere appropriate for his kids to live. They didn't even ask us outright, fil called DH for advice and talked him through the problem, at which point DH offered the money. There's also a signed agreement with defined repayment parameters.

It sounds like that's more like your family so maybe that's the way to go, explain the problem and see if they offer rather than asking for it upfront?

With my second baby we went into our £500 overdraft so only needed £1000. I cried when I asked. This was around 14 years ago now. But it was a tough ask. We’d lost our way with a massive reduction in income to maternity pay. My lovely parents understood and refused us when we tried to repay. Now I pay for them to share my Netflix and Now account so I think we’re fair 🤣

If you’re asking if you are unreasonable to feel awkward, no of course not. Anyone with an ounce of integrity/ pride would feel the same. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask, if it’s for a good reason, it’s a manageable amount of money for them and you can manage a decent repayment plan.
They can only say no, which of course you must be prepared for.
We’ve borrowed from parents before, but only really when we’ve had cash flow issues or an unexpected bill. Fairly small amounts and generally have been able to pay back in full by next pay day or a couple of pay days. It might help if you have a clear idea of a repayment plan. Be upfront if it’s really a gift you want and realistically can’t commit to a repayment plan right away, as I imagine could happen if someone loses a source of income for example.

I was in a very similar situation to you last year. Never asked for financial help ever before, but good relationship with parent ( who clearly has money ) I took a deep breath and made the call. Explained how much I needed, by what date, what it was for and how I intended to repay. I reiterated it wasn't a problem if they couldn't/didn't want to. I said please don't answer now on the fly and could we talk tomorrow. Then went into a regular catch up call. It did really throw my parent to be honest, as it was such a surprise. The next day they ok'd it, and explained how touched they were to be asked and pleased they were to help. So it was actually a really nice moment, dynamic remains the same as always

The family dynamic gets awkward when the borrower doesn’t stick to their repayment plan, or has a tendency to always repay a few days later than agreed. It would get very awkward if they failed to repay. That all just makes you feel like you’re being taken for granted. As the borrower, it’s in your hands if the family dynamics become awkward.

Definitely discuss the terms of repayment and keep to it. Once everything is in place and both parties know when and how money will be repaid there should not be any kind of awkwardness left... unless you dont pay it back. Then yeah... that might create awkward family relationships

I would want my dc to ask me before getting into debt but would be unhappy if they already had debt.
I haven’t loaned money to dd but have given her money to help with situations such as new car or deposit for renting her home. I asked her not to pay me back. I don’t want her to struggle and at the moment her circumstances won’t change.

@Bjorkdidit Yes, my FIL charged interest because he has four children and needed that money for retirement.

Personally, I wouldn’t charge interest unless I had to, but everyone has different circumstances.

Just ask. We have plenty of money, now and again our children ask for help. Id rather give it to them than it sit in the bank.

My sister, who was very proud of being self made and very wealthy, told my dad that she had plenty of money and if he ever wanted to borrow some - just ask. Dad did ask and without discussing it with anyone else but Dad she gave him £10k - he used it for a very dodgy investment(scam) and couldn't pay it back (he'd borrowed loads from other people too), so she thought all the other siblings should pay her back instead. I said a flat no, I was offered all sorts of payment terms to help pay off my Dad's debt but I still refused - she hasn't spoken to me since (8 years ago!).

I think if you are lending a friend/family member money, consider it a gift - if you get it back it's a bonus but if you can't afford to lose it - don't do it - if your parents can't afford to lose it - don't ask them.

If you can’t even get approval for an interest free credit card then you obviously aren’t great with money op and it would be risky to lend to you surely

Well be thankful you're more fortunate than others.

Lots of people rely on savings income to top up small pensions so can't afford to not have the money.

I've lent all of my adult children money over the years for various reasons - house deposits, legal fees, holidays, business loans, food.
Like other posters, my DS was looking to buy a car last year. He had arranged HP from the garage, but when I found out he'd be paying £3k in interest, I offered to pay. Now he makes his monthly payments to me instead and will pay it off 16 months earlier.
My eldest sent me a text message the other day saying 'Mummmmmmmm'. I replied with 'How much?' and just sent it. He'll pay me back when he can.

They're my children. I love them. If I can help them out in any way, I will.

I have loaned and given my daughter money several times over the years, we only have the one and can afford to do it. I’d hate to think of her worrying about money or paying back interest when I can help her out. It’ll all be hers anyway one day. I’m not at all wealthy, but have spare money and remember what it was like to be skint.

Unless it is an urgent repair, might be better just to save up for it. No awkwardness or disclosing information or embarrassment.

Would you charge your adult children interest?

I mean, kind of understand if you’re losing out on interest if taking out of savings or something but personally couldn’t imagine charging my child interest.

That is important. If there is a history of debt the OP needs to disclose it to the family member OP is asking for a loan. Otherwise if they find out at a later stage and consequently ask for all the money back OP would be in a worse financial state.

Also depends on what the loan is for. House needs an urgent rewire goes down better than a holiday.

Of course you must agree repayment and interest up front!

I’ve never asked my dad because quite frankly, he hasn’t got a pot to piss in.

If I knew he could afford it and it was genuine need, I’d ask.
We have a good relationship and I’d like to think he’d help me in a time of need.

I'd go to them with a plan of how much you need, what it’s for and how much you can afford to repay.

I'd say ... ive something g to adk but I dont want you to give me an answer straight away as you'll need to think.it over. If tge answer is no, that's fine, I understand. I'd then say I need to borrow x for y and will repay it monthly by z amount per month.

If you could let me know within a week of your decision id really appreciate that.

I would hate hate to have to ask my family for a loan.. think I'd really have to be on the breadline but that's more because all our family are good with money and totally wouldn't understand. Having said that I would absolutely have no problem giving a loan to a sibling if they needed it and I could trust they would pay it back ( and I had it of course)

@AmberDreams So if your child was made redundant, for example, and it took a while for them to find a new job, you wouldn’t want to loan them money to pay their mortgage or rent?

I would! I would hate to think of my child losing their home because they were too proud to ask me for help.

I think the OP has said she can’t borrow it from a bank or a credit card though

My PIL have loaned their children (I believe all of them) money at various times. When my DH borrowed some at university, his Dad set up a spreadsheet with a repayment plan but was always willing to be flexible if DH had an unexpected bill, for example.

Once he was working, DH wanted to repay him as quickly as possible and did so. I think one of his sisters is still repaying a parental loan she needed during a period of unemployment in her 30’s (she’s now late 40’s). She had a mortgage and she told me that the loan enabled to keep the house/maintain a good credit rating so it has made a big difference to her life. I would certainly help my child in that situation.

I think it’s fine to ask as long as you genuinely intend to repay it and don’t mess them around.