Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be utterly tired of having to deal with the NHS in ‘combat mode’?

32 replies

ChequerToRed · 27/02/2026 11:20

Some background- Unfortunately my adult life has been plagued by serious health issues, and I’ve been failed time and time again. To begin with it was a major eye condition and I got swept up in the Bristol Eye Hospital appointments scandal, which was so bad it made mainstream headline news at the time as some people went blind as a result. Next up I was diagnosed with cancer just over six years ago, not long after my diagnosis one of the oncology team was so rude and dismissive I had to make a formal complaint and didn’t see them again during my treatment, treatment that was nearly screwed up by them forgetting to send my sample to genetics, the results of which made a difference to the second half of my chemo regimen. If it hadn’t been for my DH stepping in (he actually had to take time out of work to collect and transport the sample to genetics himself when we found out what had happened) I wouldn’t have received the correct chemo type for three rounds. I was put into medical menopause, and only after complaining about the side effects of this was I referred to the menopause clinic, who turned out to be as useful as a hole in the head.
Now I’ve been referred to gynaecology, I thought for just an ultrasound but the cheery woman booking the appointment said I ‘should bring a couple of paracetamol in case you need a hysteroscopy’.
No.
Bad news for them is that I’m already quite well informed about the long and ongoing controversy over the glib and dismissive way clinics deal with pain management around this procedure, and that one third of women find it extremely painful and even traumatising. Because of this, if they say they require one that day I will be refusing and insist they book me in to do it under sedation ( I have a tilted uterus, I found childbirth so horrendous I only did it once, and I’ve been in surgical menopause since the cancer treatment). I haven’t even been to the appointment yet and I’m already having the added stress of being in potential combat mode.
I’m so, so tired of having to approach my every interaction with the NHS in a wary and defensive position, to be constantly having to brace myself, in already stressful situations, for the endless need to adequately advocate for myself, to have to inform myself well over and above the information I receive. Every Single Time.
AIBU to think that I shouldn’t have to feel this extra layer of stress and fear over and above the medical issue I’m seeking treatment for? How do those who are less resilient, who don’t have a supportive partner for backup, who don’t have the same communication skills, the same ability to approach in a truly informed way, supposed to deal with this?
😩

OP posts:
Jan24680 · 27/02/2026 12:33

now been told there is no plan for a c section today. Still on nil by mouth. Had to send lunch away. Baby monitoring now overdue by 1/2 hour.

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 27/02/2026 12:25

I'm so sorry OP.

I empathise and understand.

Doctors never listened to me when i told them that the drugs they gave me off label had harmed me permanently. I was gaslighted by my GP and four different neurologists.

I had a head injury and post concussion syndrome a decade ago before being injured permanently by an off label antipsychotic that gave me a neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia. This is is a bit like Tourette's and Parkinson's disease combined. It's totally ruined my life, physically and mentally in many ways. Others will say I look ok as my involuntary movements are mild, but it's not just that. It's the mental anguish caused by being gaslighted, the doctors never acknowledge properly that these things cause permanent harm.

Every part of me is in panic mode when I take a medication in case it exacerbates my symptoms. I'm now sensitive to medication side effects and other seemingly innocuous substances like antifungal creams, artificial sweeteners, and even paracetamol with aspartame in it - all of the things that I didn't hsve reactions to ever before.

It becomes so wearing after a decade of this shit. I'm tired of my body and life at times, and dread menopause and HRT as I have no idea how it will affect me. Perimenopause has been awful for 6 years already without HRT.

Sending hugs and solidarity. I understand ❤️😢

Zimunya · 27/02/2026 12:17

I'm always fascinated that the notes on the file are a one way street. Surely it would be more helpful and transparent if formal patient complaints were also included?

@ChequerToRed - so sorry you are dealing with all this pain and stress.

MyOpalCat · 27/02/2026 12:00

Without an advocating family - Dad would have died much sooner and had even worse treatment - and at times it was pretty bad.

If you do complain as I did in last pg which was upheld- Dsis did in first and when she tried to as DN treatment was two years of waste becasue someone didn't check an x-ray - they make it very hard and if they can punish you with poorer treatment and notes in you medical files - whcih then make it harder going foward.

I think people avoid and avoid till pain or fear drives them to seek treatment then you hope like hell you in a good area for that illness and often seek information and support from illness groups which worrying are often mor euptodat then the professionals.

It's so many systems that are set up poorly cobbled together or just not working correctly and it's pure luck what you encounter.

Jan24680 · 27/02/2026 11:49

I've been on an antenatal ward for 10 days. It's there third time telling me I am having a baby today. A very premature baby. They've actually got me on nil by mouth this time. I am now waiting, starving for the consultant to tell them I am not. There is another helpful doctor that tells me I might get to go home today ever time I see them.

People who aren't resilient and don't advocate for them selves are likely the ones that make it in to the news.

youalright · 27/02/2026 11:45

Well if you're like me and after years and years of this you start questioning everything a dr says or does which hurts the drs ego you then get it written in your notes how difficult you are then they get even more horrible and defensive to you so you can't manage an appointment without crying then you get diagnosed with eupd then they gas light you even more.

Swiftie1878 · 27/02/2026 11:36

Our NHS is broken.
We need people to start recognising this, because successive governments are refusing to deal with the problems whilst they believe the British public (their voters) adore and worship it and would fight any sensible reforms.