To start WW3 with my SIL

This has got to be a troll post seriously. Can't believe someone would actually be this entitled.

You sound a lot like my SIL. After the way she has behaved I don't want anything to do with her, but I told my husband that I didn't want to stand in the way of them having a relationship. Turns out he was relieved to have an excuse to never speak to her again.

If your "friends" were really your friends, they wouldn't immediately cut you off without hearing your side of the story so it sounds like they also were only too happy to have a good reason to steer clear of you.

@Allthewineandallrhedrinks To be honest I don't think you have given us enough to judge fully.

On the face of what you have written, and I confess to not having read it all, you haven't disclosed what your husband said to your niece except his Mum told him to apologise, so it can't be nothing? So unless we know we can't say if SIL was justified in storming off to the bedroom.

But what you have told is that you rang your brother about Easter hence prompting a confrontation by telling him " because your wife is a toddler sulking off and we don't want to see her again" and that was never going to get a positive outcome, you lit the dynamite intentionally there.

You could have text and made an excuse for Easter, or if you wanted to truly resolve it, you could have explained how unhappy you were with how your SIL reacted given it was (potentially) a misunderstanding or over reaction by the niece and cleared it up in that manner.

I'm assuming that your SIL is married to your husbands brother or is she married to your brother? If its your husbands brother I am sure he would not be happy his wife is stirring the past up over his brother either if he knew. If its your brothers wife as I am assuming from the post, then its still not nice. But I am pretty sure a reasoned woman would not intend it to hurt any children involved and by the reaction from the school gate mums, that is potentially what it has done. One thing that is clear is that the women at the gate are not your friends, they would have talked to you about what was being said before taking any action.

You don't want to say what your husbands criminal history is except it wasn't sexual and I get that. What your SIL has done, has potentially caused issues for your children at school because many people are very careful when it comes to who they and their kids associate with and despite what they say, don't believe in 2nd chances. That's wrong, but did your SIL intend this? I doubt it and I think she would be mortified if she knew the situation.

But you are not innocent here, you set off like a heat seeking Exocet missile homing in on your target by ringing your brother and saying you wanted nothing to do with her, you made no attempt to resolve, you went for the jugular. How you describe her reeks of jealousy. Actions have consequences.

He went to prison for something non-sexual and non-violent involving a child? Just "people being massively OTT and extreme"? And his crime sounds worse written down? Just... what?

Surely this has to be a reverse or a troll. The OP's even complaining that her SIL "doesn't vape" - WTF does that have to do with anything?

also

Im not posting anymore because this site is not supportive how other mums couldnt understand how this would effect me and my kids someone doing this.

isn't the whole truth tho? This thread is supportive of the other mum in here (both of them, as in SIL and your mum) and are trying to help you see why this may have happened.

So if your friendship group now want nothing to do with you then either what your husband did was bloody awful & they think you are wrong to be with him or they weren't friends at all?

reoport your OP and ask the mods to do it.

Knowing that if you do that just about everyone will think it is because you feel you are in the right and people aren't agreeing with you.

Your deflections about your DHs past, and what was said to the niece aren't helping you at all here.

So you flounced when your SIL removed herself from the company of you and your husband (she’s obviously got some sense and knows what you’re both like) and now you’ve flounced because majority of people are saying how awful you sound!
I'll hazard a guess that SIL isn’t crying into her cornflakes over this.

I lived over the road from a man stole a car and killed a little girl. The sentence was ridiculously low. He's since been in custody for DV/Drugs. I don't think that he is entitled to ever find peace tbh. I hope whatever life he sets up and those who think he's served his time and share his life, that they are constantly disrupted and the air of respectability shattered. I was disgusted when I found out who I'd shared neighbourly pleasantries with. @Allthewineandallrhedrinks ask your Mum why she told him to appologise and how fucking dare he not do so when asked by his host. Committed a crime against a child? Shut the fuck up, towards children, for the rest of your life.

I think SiL had every right to tell the mutual friend about her DH’s past, given that he went to prison for a crime that involved a child. OP doesn’t want to tell us what he did, or what he said to SiL, so I think it’s probable that whatever it was he said was enough to make her think he’s still not safe around her child/other children. In which case her decision to tell a mutual friend in the knowledge it will get back to the school mum group is entirely the responsible thing to do.

I think the response of the rest of the school mum group towards OP tells us everything we need to know, in that this was not an insignificant offence and they’re likely appalled to think that their children may have been around this man unsupervised.

If she’s so busy and a lawyer she prob wouldn’t have time for MN.

I couldn’t think of anything worse though discovering someone had posted a thread about me.

You do sound quite self obsessed, your DH upsets someone and you’re the one left feeling uncomfortable…. Was your niece ok? Your sil talks about your DH and you’re the one feeling isolated… is your DH ok finding out people have been gossiping about him?

Love when the OP reads page upon page of why they're being unreasonable and still can't accept it.

You're right people would think you're jealous OP, because you so clearly are. Your sister in law is fake because she supports charities and actually follows through with actions to do so? I can just picture you sitting vape in hand and cheap booze in the other, kids in the paddling pool in the front garden in summer, slating everyone that's dared to better their life.

She is one of the goodies does marathons, doesnt drink doesnt vape does charity. And my parents are always like oh isnt she great shes done this. She is fake as they cone. And this has shown she isnt the nice person she pretends to be.
I had the right to not want to see her. She always twists thjngs as shes good at words because of her job as lawyer.

Yes because hating someone for doing Charity, taking care of their health, not being a piss head and being a lawyer is totally normal.

You and your husband have chips on your shoulders when it comes to your SIL and your husband’s record. I would find it very very hard to believe that a group of true friends would shun someone to this level on the basis of third hand gossip from a friend of a friend.

You sound like an emotionally immature, drama seeking nightmare. Life is not Eastenders.

You don’t get to dictate who is in your parents house and when at Easter. Your parents clearly like her and admire her behaviour, which makes you angry. If your SIL has a class judgement issue she wouldn’t have married your brother, from the same class as you, or have a good relationship with your parents who raised you in the class you think she has issue with.

Maybe your parents like her because she’s not a pain in the arse.

And as for brushing off a comment to your niece that upset her enough your parents told him to apologise as 'we can't remember' - convenient. Do everyone a favour and grow up.

Why was SiL unreasonable ? What OP’s DH did was enough to send him to prison and for OP not to want to reveal it here. She also won’t reveal what was said to her niece.

If what he said was enough to make SiL think that, given his past, he was still a threat to her child/other children, then her behaviour was perfectly reasonable, and her decision to tell a mutual friend so that OP’s school mum group were warned was a responsible one. This doesn’t sound like an insignificant offence and I don’t think it’s case of these mums not being true friends - it’s more like them stepping back to protect their children, given what they now know.

No, I want to let the SIL know that she is vindicated, that she has made the right decision.

The OP has started this and has continued to inflame the situation and still cannot see what she has done wrong!

I am not as bad as the OP, this isn't my issue, I am not involved.

You sound as bad as OP. You want to start WW4 for the family, then?

He obviously said something he shouldnt have and you have rose tinted glasses and wont see other people's opinions.
It was very childish that you then refused to see her . He should have said sorry then none of this would have happened. But again you wont see it as him doing wrong. And if it was in the paper then he must have done something pretty bad .

Completely agree with this.

Not by saying “I don’t like the answers I’ve been given” 😂

Spot on.

Very little “sounds worse” than it is written down. It probably sounds exactly as it is written down, but you don’t want to write it down as you want to minimise it.

It sounds as though you very much are the problem.

I think your SIL has behaved admirably - she was very restrained keeping it to herself after then not-jokey “jokey”’comment (I bet it was wildly inappropriate or unkind), and only came out with it when you tried to put the boot in re telling BIL you wanted to ostracise his wife.

You sound an utter nightmare.

”Couldn't think of anything worse then being her. She is one of the goodies does marathons, doesnt drink doesnt vape does charity. And my parents are always like oh isnt she great shes done this. She is fake as they cone. And this has shown she isnt the nice person she pretends to be.”

And you say your SIL is the spiteful one, @Allthewineandallrhedrinks?

Grow up.

I agree with you to an extent. I am basing my response on what she told us.

We never know the other side of these stories and no point in guessing at it.

Exclusion is bullying and damaging which is why I suggested counselling. A good counsellor could help her by working through those details we don’t know.

I am worried about OP’s mental health here so I’m not getting into who said what or who did what.

I would love to find out who the SIL is and send her this thread!