To start WW3 with my SIL

I read all of OP's posts. Her SIL has turned her friend group against her because of something her DH once did. I think most people would be upset about this

I think OP chooses to believe that but considering her personal feelings about her SIL and lack of telling what was said, why her DH couldn’t just apologise, and what he did which btw is public record and was easy enough for her friends to find, I’m doubting her SIL went out of her way to turn OP’s friend group against her.

OP said herself she didn’t know her SIL and her had a mutual acquaintance so if she didn’t know who is to say SIL did. The mum who told her knew SIL, who is a lawyer through work. It could have easily been that SIL was complaining to this acquaintance and the acquaintance happen to know OP, looked it up herself and told others who then did the same thing.

If they don’t know SIL and SIL doesn’t have kids at OP’s school, why would they believe her? And considering OP’s obvious dislike of SIL, would it be possible she has complained to her mum friends about SIL so even more hesitant to just believe the information said hence them looking it up in the first place?

Your own version of the story is making people err on the side of your sister in law, and you refuse to see their point. And you say she is the child?

You don't know what your husband said, so you cannot say her reaction was extreme.
His crime involved a child and comes up when they've searched his name.
You told your brother his wife acts like a toddler.
How are you the good guy here?

His crime involved a child though. So either he’s a sex offender or alternatively I would guess that he was dealing drugs and using children to do so.

My mind is going to dark places

I’m far from on OP’s side because I think there’s far more to this than she’s letting on, but I really think that’s a step too far. Rehabilitation in prison isn’t just for paedophiles. Get a grip.

I think maybe it’s dawned on OP that there’s something off about the remark her DH made and that her SiL has cause to be concerned. So it follows that she’s realised the reason her school mum group have distanced themselves from her because they now know about her DH’s past and are angry that she didn’t disclose and potentially put their children at risk.

Well if you’ve read them you’re clearly not understanding them are you ? OP’s DH was convicted of a crime involving a child and went to jail. He made some sort of comment to SiL’s young DD which SiL took offence to and took herself off into another room rather than cause a row.

OP won’t tell us what DH was convicted of because it ‘looks worse written down’ - yeah right. She also won’t tell us what he said to her niece, or how old her niece actually is. It seems obvious that whatever DH said has made her SiL think twice as to whether he’s actually safe around children.

What you’re interpreting as SiL deliberately and maliciously turning OP’s friends against her is more than likely her voicing her concerns about DH to a mutual friend in the knowledge that it will get back to the school mum group and warn them of a potential risk to their own children. Something that OP should have been upfront about if her friends’ children have been around her DH with no supervision. Bit of critical thinking here - this is an anonymous forum. Why do you think OP hasn’t disclosed any of the details, has done an angry flounce because she isn’t getting the responses she wanted and now wants the thread deleted ?

To the people saying that the SIL was out of order, that this is family business etc, you do know that criminal convictions are a matter of public record? And given this story was in the papers anyone could have come across it, in fact someone probably did, but it suits the OP’s narrative to blame the SIL.

YABU. You fucked around with your SIL, and found out. All of this situation is yours and your husband’s faults.

You are clearly someone who avoids responsibility for your actions. You claim you can’t remember what your husband said to offend her, yet you dismiss it as unimportant. More likely you don’t want to tell us in case you’ll be judged.

Deciding you never want to see her again because she stormed off after your husband offended her is a ridiculous overreaction on your part. Your husband should have apologised and/or explained and you shouldn’t have inserted yourself with your overreaction. No wonder your brother is upset with you.

Your husband’s crimes are a matter of public record, not private information. You have not been victimised by people learning facts. Again, you won’t tell us his crime, because you know it’s bad.

You also sound jealous of your SIL accomplishments.

You’ve been told by the thread you’re in the wrong and now you want it deleted like a coward. You’re deeply unreasonable and incapable of hearing criticism.

Now who is throwing a toddler tantrum?

You seem to be the one that has the class judgement issues. You and H were horrible to her and couldn’t just let things lie and you’re now sore she bit back nd has won. Sounds like a long overdue lesson.

Very strange not to remember what caused offence when your own Mum asked for an apology.

Criminal offences are only ever private if they happen in someone's youth. Could it be your SIL thought his comments to her daughter where linked to his offending?

The friendships you appear to have lost at school can't have been especially close if they didn't know about your life can they?

Can you see the irony of your trying to shun your SIL and then being shunned yourself?

I don't think anger is the answer, I think personal reflection would be useful. Hold you head up high and YOU be the one to stop this escalating. 🪷🧘‍♀️🪷🕊

This stop and think is one of the key things they teach to try and stop reoffending and further harm.

Removing the thread won’t change the reality.

Youre jealous of your SIL. Your DH was rude to your niece. You want to make drama because he was called out on his behaviour.

He’s got a shady criminal past, and has been to prison. For something so bad, that you won’t mention it here. You’ve hidden it from people, and built friendships on lies.

Your SIL has finally got sick of your shit, and told people what you and your DH are really like.

And you think you’re the wronged one. You couldn’t make it up.

You honestly sound massively jealous. Even if she overreacted, and shouldn't have shared the info, your judgement is really off and it seems to be the jealousy talking. You also do not appear to have heard what your husband said so can only take his word for it. Whether you like it or not you have to rationally accept that had he said something really bad it would be convenient for him to say he doesnt really remember so the fact he said he doesnt, doesnt prove it wasnt that bad as you suggest. Also that he was convicted of something involving children is relevant to whether you should blindly trust his account regarding a conversation he had with a child

my husband said something in a jokey way to my neice

I said because your wife is a toddler sulking off and we don't want to see her again.

He did some bad stuff and was in prison but he did his time and is an amazing person.

…my bitch SIL

You sound very aggressive so not surprised your SIL is pissed off especially after complaining to your bother, her husband about her

Also, without details it’s hard to say how offensive was ‘jokey comment’ and how amazing your ex-criminal husband is.

I'm sorry but you are in the wrong. Your husband insulted your neice (who you claim to love) but not only won't you apologise but you are going to block them from your lives because your SIL took issue with his behaviour. Your SIL was wrong and should not have spread malicious info about your DH mainly for your children's sake but you started this shit show. Time to grow up.

So glad I don't know this family or their friends.

Friends haven't withdrawn because of your SIL's behaviour, but because of your husband's last behaviour.

You say it's a mistake and he's learnt from whatever it was but they are still perfectly reasonable to think of him differently. YABU to think of this as your SILs doing and not the natural consequence of your husband's actions here.

Does it not worry you a bit that DH’s refusal to apologise had put you at odds with your family given he has a track record that landed him in jail ? You don’t feel that he is trying to drive a wedge between you and your family?

I was in the position of your friends when I found out my friend was in a relationship with someone who had been to prison for child cruelty. He said it was a set up by one of his ex wives to get custody of their child, was very sorry and contrite. I doubt he is sorry in the slightest and is a manipulative, evil piece of shit who set about isolating her from her friends and destroyed her.

There was a transcript of what he said to his child that was read in court and I found out about it shortly before she told me, made me go cold. I backed away and just sent messages at Christmas etc and waited for it to fall apart as wanted to be there for her.

I’m sure you feel none of this applies to you and it probably doesn’t but I thought I would put it here anyway.

Are you OP's husband?
OP tried to turn her own brother and parents against her SIL and break up the family, all because her husband refused to apologise for upsetting his niece. Tit for tat.
OP started this one. SIL (if SIL even did tell her school mum friends, I doubt she even knows them, as OP herself said, the event was public knowledge and they could have googled OP/DH's names - as you do sometimes, and found it that way, SIL is probably completely innocent and had absolutely nothing to do with it) finished it and OP comes across as vicious, spiteful and immature. There is a reason absolutely no one on this thread agrees with her immature, vicious and jealous and spiteful nasty behaviour to cause shit and try to freeze her brother's wife out of her family.

Next thread up, my brother doesn’t want to see me and won’t let me see his kids, my parents won’t take sides, it’s because of my bitch sil.

Well you already started it.
She had bigger and better rocks.
Thems the breaks.

Imagine having an issue with someone for not vaping and “doing charity”.

I think the SIL has discussed something that happened with a mutual acquaintance and it’s grown from there. Given the OP is discussing starting ww3, calling her a toddler, criticising her (in my opinion) good choices- why should she protect the OPs husband and OP that quite frankly sound very combative people.

Also because the OP is refusing to disclose the nature of the comment and the sentence it creates a vacuum. If there was a news article flying around about a parent at your school committing a crime I highly doubt you would be inviting them round for tea and cake.

yes people serve their time and move on, BUT , people make decisions that they feel keeps their family safe. Also the nature of OPs posts lack any sort of self awareness and are rather aggressive. Yes, the children shouldn’t be impacted but sadly the OP has contributed to that situation through her actions and the only way to fix it is with sincere apologies and effort on her part.

But your mum knows what he said so why didn’t you ask her if you ‘don’t remember’ what it was?

Not really. SIL didn’t because OP is trying to exclude her from family events. SIL told someone she knew about OP’s DH’s past. It was up to that person what they did with the information. SIL didn’t actively turn a friendship group against OP. They decided to cut her off themselves. That’s their choice. To be honest if he served time and it was in the papers it can’t be that good! OP says he’s moved on, but these friends of hers are allowed to make an informed decision. Had OP not tried to isolate the SIL from family events, I doubt the SIL would have said anything. People have a breaking point. OP has found that out to her detriment.