To start WW3 with my SIL

I don't know the whole story but from what you've written and the way you've written it, I'm team SIL

Maybe it's a runcible spoon? 😹

There might also be an element of your friends feeling that you withheld something from them that they ought to have known, in deciding to let their dc come to your house. Obviously, it massively depends on the conviction, but there may be a difference in what you and your friends consider to be relevant information

This.

Perhaps the sulking wasn't such a big deal that you shouldn't have just moved past it instead. If you want a fight, you can usually get one. And "sorry, we didn't mean to offend" might have defused things right back at the start of this. Depending on the "joke" I guess ...

Sounds like you’ve been a massive drama queen. So she stropped off into another room, big deal. Just roll your eyes and get on with it. You don’t have to cut off your brother and kids just because you don’t like her, it’s not their fault. You’ve been way OTT.
and it’s not like your mum friends couldn’t have found out about your husband, it’s not like SIL is lying.

Your SIL told someone about your DH being in prison. You've said this is true, he did something bad and has done his time. So your SIL has literally stated facts, she hasn't lied, shes told someone something that literally anyone could stumble across.
Last week I googled something random and included in the article was the court pages from my local area. It included a friend's name and their conviction and what it was for from 9 years ago. This information didn't change my opinion on the person, depending on if it had been something more serious it may have done.
Sounds like your jealous of your SIL from your comments on here so good knows what you're like to her in real life! Good on your DB for sticking up for his family unit.

I’d not want to socialise with someone who downplayed their husband’s previous bad behaviour that sent him to prison.

It also depends very much what was said to the niece. One person’s “bants” can be highly offensive to the person towards whom it’s directed.

Maybe if he’d apologised sincerely at the time for causing offence, and not tried to minimise the niece’s feelings, you’d not be considering starting WW3 - which in itself seems like such a childish thing to say.

I’d be keeping to myself for now and keeping an eye on my husband’s behaviour if I were you.

Early start on here this morning.

Are you daft? The OP said it involved a child.

Yeah, you're not coming across at all well in this OP. Your DH has behaved incorrectly in the past, involving a child, which was bad enough for him to serve time. Now he has said something "in a jokey way" about another child that caused offence to her mother, enough for her to want to leave the room. You sound like nightmare relatives.

Why didn't you ask sil what was said rather than shunning her?

beautiful irony that you want your friends to talk to.you about why they are upset when you didn't give her a chance.

You wanted her ostracised. But now you're ostracised and it isn't much fun,.is it?

OP said it 'involved a kid'.
Bet you feel kind of silly and rude now, right?

Are you all 12?
Get a grip.
Let her sulk.
Stop being a drama llama and get on with it.
Utter drivel.

So it’s ok for your DH, who btw is not blood related to your parents to make a joke to a kid (when btw he was convicted for a child related crime) but it’s not ok for those at the receiving end to be offended.

You’re so wrapped up in your own story and you must be thinking the world of your husband that you can’t see how his words are affecting others. Little miss perfect or not, your SIL/niece should have been apologised to right then and there.

If you can’t see this then you’re a lost cause.

When you decide to cut someone off, whatever the reason, whoever is at fault, there will be fallout. This is the fallout. Deal with it.

DHs joke clearly wasn't funny. Your comment about her acting like a toddler wasn't appropriate. The pair of you have made it awkward for your whole family. You claim SIL acts like little miss perfect but isn't that what you've been doing at the school gates? You had no problem trying to exclude SIL from family life but now you're being excluded, you've got an issue.

SIL was the wrong person to fuck with and you brought a spoon to a knife fight.

Because the OP said it 'involved a kid'.

He cant remember exactly what was said because he said it was so nothing and therefore OTT for her to walk out in a strop.

Slightly surprising that he doesn't remember if it resulted in that sort of reaction. But what does he inexactly remember about what he said? He must have some idea.

@Allthewineandallrhedrinks are you on the wind-up (or should I say WINED-up 😸)?

Also, I find it hilarious that this is you "not making a big deal" 😂 What will 'WW3' entail? This is all very EastEnders/Jeremy Kyle.

With respect @Allthewineandallrhedrinks have you considered that whatever was said to your niece (that your husband conveniently can't remember) jokes aside your SIL didn't like so rather than start anything she removed herself from the situation which as an adult is the better thing to do than start an argument in front of children. From your other updates mentioning how she is miss perfect I suspect you feel jealous or threatened by her. To stop speaking to someone and give them the silent treatment as an adult is not okay! You should have spoken to her ans your brother and ironed it out instead you've called to say I am not talking to your wife as my husband upset your daughter. Do you realise how ridiculous tjat sounds?! I don't think your SIL should have shared with your mum geouo but again you've said your organise meet ups etc.. I sense a control issue here and tbh SIL may well have had enough of your behaviour. I would tread carefully as unfortunately whether your husband has rehabilitated or not people will make their own minds up when it comes to their children. I think you need to iron it with your brother at least before it creates a real rift in your family. Good luck!

Have you considered the possibility that you and your DH might just be not particularly nice people? It's not really possible to tell from your post but it is one possible explanation. Whether or not this is so, you can break your feeling of isolation by putting your focus onto helping other people. Start volunteering at your local food bank or soup kitchen. Find out what those less fortunate than you are most in need of and put your energies into selflessly helping them. When your focus is outside of yourself, new friendships will start happening automatically with people who aren't involved in any of the previous situations you describe - and if by chance random gossip follows you, your daily living as a kind and selfless person is the antidote to that poison.

Do you know what was said in the jokey comment? I would want to know before I decided to start a permanent family fall out when he has upset your neice/sil.
The vague details of this and the conviction suggest it is relevant to why your friends cut you out. Sounds like you didn't like your sil calling her a bitch and not.blood related what about how it affects your relationship with your neice? If you are constantly trying to cause drama can't really complain she has done the same