To start WW3 with my SIL

@Allthewineandallrhedrinks- you handled it badly. You should not have made a big deal about Easter and that you’re not speaking SIL. That wasn’t needed. You should have just made your own plans and “been busy” or “don’t fancy it” if they invited you to something or you were invited to something they were at. You effectively made a point that you weren’t talking to them, rather than just distance yourself.

Also think you are being a bit ridiculous about SIL in the first place, your DH said something wrong, rather than have an argument, SIL removed herself, or as you said “sulked”. Would you prefer she’d shouted at your DH? Removing herself until she’d calmed down is a grown up response.

If she’s told people about what your dh said, and what you’ve said, then they have decided that they’re taking her side over yours, that’s on you.

Also, I’ve just reminded myself of something that amused me a few days ago on social media that read along the lines of “before you start shit with me make sure you’re skinny, have custody of your kids & you’ve never been to prison because I WILL go there”
Your SIL went there! 10000% team SIL.

If you 'can't remember' what your husband said to your niece why don't you ask your mum? It was bad enough for her to ask him to apologise.

I think it is more likely SIL was just explaining why she was cross about the comment. If OP was starting a NC situation, it's fair enough SIL wanted to give her side to explain why she and another member of the group were suddenly not on good terms.

Yes I really shocked the op and her husband went home "raging" instead of apologising but playing devil's adocate I suppose her mum could have just wanted to keep the peace - just say sorry & smooth things over type of thing.

But even then I'd apologise!

Your DH said something to niece that upset SIL and your mum told him to apologise and yet neither of you can remember what was said? Bollocks!

It’s v bold of you to assume you’ll have any relationship with your DB and his kids at all after this OP. The level of minimisation of your husbands crimes both in terms of his prison sentence and apparently not knowing what he said to upset your SIL is astounding.

if you genuinely don’t know what he said (I highly doubt it) you need to find out immediately and make some pretty big apologies. This situation is all of your own making.

I have to disagree. Both great threads!!!

Your SIL has handed you your ass, I don't advise starting WW3.

And as for starting WW3 with your SIL OP, I’d use your common sense, if you have any.

Your husband upset her daughter, so she went on maximum attack and now your friends have dropped you. Consider the fact that those ex-friends are now bound to talk to others, so it’s going to get around.

The best thing you can do is to keep your head down. You tried it once and she handed you your arse.

You lost the battle, so don’t start a war that you will definitely lose.

The fact that neither you nor your husband can recall what was said to the niece (conveniently) coupled with the fact that your mum told DH off for what was said, makes me think it wasn’t nearly so ‘jokey’ and ‘nothing’ as you’re suggesting.

Yes, no need for all that. We're doing something different this year is enough.

You're probably right!! I'll go back to my knitting and reading . . .

Whatever your husband said was bad enough that your mum thought he needed to apologise so it doesn't sound jokey. Instead of doing that (and ending the situation) you stormed off in a huff. Then you somehow think it's your SILs fault.
I don't think your SIL should have told people about your husband's past and she was clearly doing that to ensure you were cut out of the friend group. Nothing you can do about that though, your friends have made their choice.

He did some bad stuff and was in prison but he did his time and is an amazing person.

Hahahahahahaha this thread has to be one of the best MN drip feeds in history.

I think it's so very, very sad that out of the top 3 trending posts on here one OP wants "to start WW3 with my SIL" and another wants to "go mental at school mum"

Not that I understand what either phrase means IRL

was willing to not make a big deal and just not speak or see her again but she has made this personal and I cannot let this go|

you cannot be serious, you cancelled Easter and informed your brother you and your husband never wanted to see his wife again as she got upset and left the room over a comment. What part of that is not making it a big deal and not making it personal.

and I don’t know what your husband did but it’s clearly something you’re ashamed to write and want to keep secret.

next time when you’ve something to lose, don’t star a war.

Nope. Not until they're 11 and then they take a phone. Never been an issue happy to have their friends at my house. I go with them to their friends houses as I know the parents so the kids play and parents catch up.
I'm also a foster carer and have had several children in my care over the years whose friends were groomed by the foster child's family.
Kids are the most precious things in our lives. If I wouldn't leave my phone and bank card with someone I wouldn't leave my kid.

Well said

Only if you assume the child was a victim in the crime, which we don't know, but then of course as a parent you have the right to decide if your child has anything to do with them.

There's nothing to indicate child abuse or murder in the op"s posts - everyone is jumping to the worse case scenario.

You could say if it wasn't the worst case then why have her friends shunned her, but that could be because they're as judgemental as so many people on here

Ultimately op, unless and until you and DH can remember what he said. you are not really in a position to decide if her response was justified.

But I suspect you have a pretty good idea but you are annoyed at SIL for not just turning a blind eye, because you do that with him in many ways.

You can't claim someone is unreasonable for taking offence at something when you also claim not to know what it was. That doesn't make sense.

Yes, she has gone more nuclear than you expected, but that's what can happen when you pull the fallout card, rather than just apologise. ETA next time you are tempted to handle a situation by cutting someone off, remember that reconciliation can be a defuser.

OP, if you return, this is one of those situations where I think you have to ask if everyone has turned against you could it be because of your behaviour? You don't claim that your SIL has told lies about your DH, why do you think your mum friends have all reacted like this?

Grow up.

Why would you mention a "child was involved" then? You'd surely just say "petty theft, and he served 3 months when he was 21 and not been in trouble ever since".