To start WW3 with my SIL

Obviously not.

@Allthewineandallrhedrinks You and your husband are the issue here

Not SIL and not her daughter, your niece!

You
You
You

If I were SIL I would be glad to see the back of you.

But you won't be back to see any of these comments will you, because in your tiny little mind, it is everyone else's fault.

I think it’s OP who has escalated. All SiL did was remove herself to another room because of what DH said. OP’s mother clearly thought an apology was warranted but instead of even considering it, OP and DH flounced off and unilaterally decided to cut contact with SiL. Something in that remark has caused SiL to rethink her DD being around OP and her DH, and divulging DH’s past to a mutual friend, and by extension to the wider mum’s group, may be as a warning to them. Without knowing any of the relevant detail, it’s hard to say.

It seems to me you very much are the problem OP.
Starting “WW3” over an issue started by YOUR husband, going NC (which sil is probably thrilled about! ) rather than apologising for the upset…there’s a quote that I can’t recall accurately, about meeting one arsehole a day is unfortunate, but when everyone you come across is an arsehole perhaps its you!

Telling friends about prison does seem unreasonable on the face of it, but you’ve pushed SIL into this and really depends what the conviction was for. It’s got to have been pretty serious to get sent to prison these days…

Your user name intrigues me - many a true word spoken in jest? Was booze involved at the falling out at your parents? Perhaps sober up and you wouldn’t be falling out with everyone left right and centre!

Your SIL removed herself from an unpleasant situation. I suspect this isn't the first time your husband made her upset. Your mother told him to apologise so it wasn't nothing.

Your mum friends have made up their own minds based on the crime. It's not confidential information.

You tried to organise Easter without your SIL. Why? Because she needed some space from your husband? She didn't cause a scene, she left the scene. If you were a reasonable person you would have tried to clear the air directly with her.

You are the problem here. You're a troublemaker.

I’m not the problem here

Of course you are.

You cut off your SIL for walking out of a room.
Then expected your brother to meet up without her!

Agreed.

"It sounds worse written down"
😂

Well, surely it all depends on context?

If an adult said "no, sorry you can't have another doughnut", and your child is upset, because they really wanted another one.... you'd "escalate the hell out of" that?

I didnt say he'd not spent time in prison, I said she hadn't written that he spent years in prison.

I'm aware of what 'doing time' means.

I'm also not taking the op's side (in case it needs pointing out) but some of these replies move into the world of hysteria.

@Allthewineandallrhedrinks”I’m not the problem here”

You might want to relook at this, given that we’ve only heard your side of things and 841 people still think you’re being unreasonable…

Your family sounds nasty, including you. I feel sorry for the children growing up in it.

The thing is im not being cagey but ehat my husband did sounds worse written down

🙄🙄🙄🙄
Does it now?

I would feel totally betrayed if I found out my friend had not told me about their husband's prison conviction and would want nothing to do with them. It's about informed consent.

Me too I’d be all byeeee…

Oh, yes you are. You and your DH are the problem.
Your mum thought your niece was due an apology, so what was said was not ‘nothing’.
And your refusal to say what your DH was convicted of proves it was some serious too, and worthy of letting others know about it, especially as you’ve admitted it related to at least one child.

YABVU.

Bill Sykes, more likely!

I’d have escalated the hell out of it too if someone had upset my child.

No, but it isn't a petty crime either if he went to prison.

The involving kids is important in context, as the comment was made to a child.

"Doing time" generally means spending time in prison. And I'm assuming if the offence was in the paper and she's been ostracised by her entire group of friends then it's pretty serious and not just unpaid parking ticket.

Haha great minds and all that! 😂

why on earth didn’t he just apologise for offending the niece, even if it was a joke? That’s what most people would do.

i do agree that she has escalated it though. A lot.

Even just having your side where you are trying to put it as favourably for yourself as possible im going with yabu.

You make your husband sound as dodgy as fuck tbh.

If your sil told people the truth about your husband and that made them want to remove him and you from their social circle then that is your husband's fault for doing it, not your sils fault for talking about it.

For the nth time, the op hasn't said her husband spent years in prison. There's no evidence that it was a violent crime either.

This is what she said about the crime and sentence:

He did some bad stuff and was in prison but he did his time and is an amazing person.

the news paper about what he did ( over q5 years ago). It doesnt give context and he has changed made mistakes but learnt from them.

It absolutely was not sexual related. It did sort of involve a kid but not in any sequel way. It was a very long time ago and he has changed and learnt from his mistakes

If i was SIL, I'd be looking forward to a nice quiet Easter.

So your DH was convicted and served time for a child related offence and you don’t know what he said to your niece ? Instead of taking offence and ostracising your SiL, why didn’t you try to find out why she was offended ?

A couple of things jump out at me here. The first is that your mum thought the remark warranted an apology, but you and your DH decided to have a strop and escalate instead. Would a simple apology and clarification that no offence was intended have avoided this ? And you didn’t bother to discuss the incident with either your SiL or your brother until Easter plans needed to be discussed, at which point you revealed your intention to cut contact with your SiL. Nicely done.

Without knowing the offence your DH committed, or whether what he said to your niece could be in any way connected with that, it’s impossible to say who is at fault. But the fact that you are determined not to reveal either leads me to believe there is a lot more to this than you’re telling us. You also haven’t told us your niece’s age, which l think is relevant.

Your brother and SiL are trusting that their child will be safe around your DH, who has a child related conviction. Neither of you seem to appreciate the leap of faith that involves, and it hasn’t crossed your minds that the remark he made to your niece may have caused your SiL to rethink things. Her decision to divulge your DH’s past to a mutual friend may not be spite, as you assume. It may be that your DH’s comment has suggested to her that he may still present some sort of threat to children, and it’s her way of warning the wider school mum group.

So l suspect you and your DH are the problem and your reluctance to give any detail indicates that you know why.