To start WW3 with my SIL

Some of the things people have said about my husband is vile

The things you've said about your SIL are vile.

What's the difference?

It wasnt violent or sexual just people being massively OTT and extreme.

Custodial sentences and criminal records are not given out on other people's over reactions. Or are you describing a judge/jury/witnesses etc as being massively OTT when convicting and sentencing him?

It seems you need to work through some of this and understand why people (who have been very inclusive and up to now socialised with you and included you) may always view dh behaviour through the lens of his prior convictions.

Couldn't think of anything worse then being her. She is one of the goodies does marathons, doesnt drink doesnt vape does charity. And my parents are always like oh isnt she great shes done this. She is fake as they cone. And this has shown she isnt the nice person she pretends to be.
I had the right to not want to see her. She always twists thjngs as shes good at words because of her job as lawyer. This is a class judgement thing here. Me and my husband have good jobs too doing well doesnt matter that we didn't go to university.

Jesus. Grow. The. Fuck. Up.

Keeping children safe is everyone’s business. Sorry, your SIL did the right thing. I wouldn’t want my children being friends with or going around to the house of someone who has been to prison. It’s public information, not private. I have 2 family members who have been to prison. My dc do not have contact with them and we do not visit their houses even if they aren’t there. I found out yesterday that a school mum I know, her husband has been banned from his profession for gross misconduct related to also a sort of child as you say. My dc will not be going to their house again.

I wouldn’t want to be around anyone who was making jokes about my child either. The two together indicate your husband doesn’t have healthy boundaries (making jokes about a child, criminal offences against a child) and you sound like an enabler. I know if I was your SIL I’d be grateful to see the back of both of you by the sounds of it.

The op's last post sounded like SIL was talking the situation over with one of her friends, who happened to be or know the Op's school mum posse, not adding a note to the school newsletter.

That prompted the other school mums to look up his conviction in the paper (it isn't private information) and decide on the basis of that that they wanted nothing more to do with her.

This is not a SIL problem.

What is wrong with your sister in law being ‘one of the goodies’ and running marathons, not drinking or vaping, or doing charity work? Surely those are good things which any parent would welcome in a family member? You do sound very bitter about your sister in law in general. I completely agree with you that being able to do well in life doesn’t depend on going to university - my husband and I started work at 15 and 16 respectively and we both had successful and happy careers, but I’ve never resented all our friends and other people who did go to university.

I really don’t see how anyone on here can judge whether your sister in law was unreasonable or not in sharing your husband’s past unless you’re prepared to say what he did. But as someone else has said, it must have been reasonably serious if he went to prison for it, and involving a child could potentially be very worrying for other people whether or not you think he’s fully reformed.

Here it is, this thread isn't going my way, so I am not playing anymore!

Pathetic!

You still don't think you're the issue do you!

The SIL will probably be relieved to no longer have to hang out with you and your dh.

And you're still not getting it are you!

I feel that all of you are just like mini SILs in here so thats why you dont see it my way.
She gets a free pass to be horrible saying something that has a big impact on my daily life.

Just because we don't agree with you and are pointing our your part in this and how you're responsible, we are all mini SIL!!

Grow up!

Have a cry and think about what people are saying to you!

She is one of the goodies does marathons, doesnt drink doesnt vape does charity

WTF is wrong with you? so now you're judging her because she isnt getting pissed all the time and isnt destroying her lungs and on track to get COPD?

But yet your husband committed a literal criminal offence towards a child and he is great and worthy of forgiveness.

The cognitive dissonance here is just breath taking.

I voted YABU before even reading because of WW3 in the title.

But then I read your post… still YABU

She was probably upset about what he said so spoke about it at work and mentioned the context of it. ie. His previous involving a child.

The number 1 problem is that in the best case scenario, you didn't even find out what he said, you just blindly went to war to spitefully punish her for daring to be offended by him. It was beyond stupid.

And I think you're vulnerable because all you have is this man and you've cut off family and are now being shunned by friends and are all alone. For him. You're vulnerable to isolation and abuse and you don't even see it, it's tragic.

She is one of the goodies does marathons, doesn't drink doesn't vape does charity.

Ahhh!!! - I know the type, in our house we call them decent human beings. Sorry OP, she sounds like well rounded person, you sound like a bitter, jealous vaper who is married to a bloke that’s done time.

You had the right not to see her. But she doesn't have the right to have some space in another room?

You escalated the issue when it wasn't needed. Completely overreacted.

If i was sil and had been keeping it civil for sake of dh then you and ex criminal husband go no contact with her I would have a rant to friends too. She likely didnt realise they were also school mums. Or she didnt care. But why should she.

If she did anything wrong it was be a bit over sensitive to a comment. But as you wont tell us the comment I suspect you know it was rude.

As for him being imprisoned for doing something to a child

She hasn't said this!

OK I get people may wonder why I'm being so pedantic about the wild interpretations here - and obviously if his conviction was for harming a child then condemnation of his is 100% justified - but being careful how you interpret vague statements and word placement matters!

It matters because before you know it you end up in a situation where we're condemning a person without knowing any of the facts, based on very very little and whole heap of prejudice.

It matters because jumping the gun like this is what leads to situations like the riots against migrants where even children were attacked.

Now obviously posters here aren't rioting or about to but the temperature on this thread is being escalated in much the same way the op inflamed things with her sister in law.

It doesn't help anyone, it just creates a cloud of high emotions and mistrust.

We all know how binary and inflammatory social media is and for the sake of our children who are growing up with it, we all share a responsibility to read carefully and moderate out immediate emotional reactions.

If we want the internet to be less of dangerous cesspit, we all have a part to play.

I can’t believe what I’m reading 🤣

@Allthewineandallrhedrinksnice user name. Doesn’t vape ✅doesn’t drink ✅does marathons ✅ does charity ✅ lawyer ✅what a cow ! I’d start www3 too 🙄

I am sorry you are upset OP.

But you are focusing on the impact of being 'wronged' by your SiL whilst ignoring the context in which that happened.

You have not been clear here as to what your husband said to your beige, spending it is impossible for anyone to know whether your sil was being reasonable to be offended by his 'jokes'.

Your SiL discussing your dh criminal record is directly as a result of him making these jokes and you complaining about her reaction to your brother.

It is impossible for anyone here to see you as a victim of your SiL here without having the very necessary detail behind it all.

What's the weather like in Albert Square?

I mean feel free to start WW3… I think you are losing the battle though OP. I would take a step back and some breathers because it doesn’t sound like you have many people on your side. Stop being defensive and be objective.

Report the first post and ask

But before that please try to see why people are saying you're being unreasonable. Try to take on board the criticism.

contacting MNHQ and saying you have been outed in RL/impacting your MH usually does the trick

Exactly. She wants all of the benefits of SIL, expecting her to keeping quiet, expecting her to accept being shunned on a whim, but offers nothing back, despite being the one in a precarious position. Backfired.