To start WW3 with my SIL

One of the mums might have googled the DH tbf. Or looking for him on social media and a post talking about the conviction might have come up?

I feel like most people wouldn't stop associating with the wife of an ex-convict for some petty crime like shoplifting, 15 years ago.

You're minimising, OP. Saying the crime sounds worse written down than it really is.

Frankly, if the other mums have read about your DH’s crime and now don’t want to be involved with your family on that basis, that’s a really valid path for them. It’s not your SIL fault that your DH committed a crime whereby people then don’t want to associate with him or his associates.

Look at it from their viewpoint. How thrilled would you be to have your kids go to someone’s house for a play date where their dad would be present, and you didn’t want the kids near him because if a crime he had committed and gone to jail for? That’s the result when you marry and have kids with someone in this situation, you took that risk and ur’s now blowing up on you but blame your DH, not your SIL. If he didn’t do anything there would be nothing for he to blab about, and other parents are within their rights to choose who they want themselves and their kids associating with.

You both sound like you like drama. Your husband could’ve apologised but didn’t. You clearly don’t like your SIL anyway as you have put running marathons as a negative. It was probably not necessary for your SIL to talk about your husband’s past, but if the crime was bad enough for your friends to shun you then the blame lies with your DH really for doing it

So do I. Also, please tell us what your husband said to your niece.

Marathon-running non-vaping lawyer or a convict who upsets family members at parties…which in law would YOU choose?!

Exactly - noone in their right minds would pick a convict who is constantly drinking and leaves foul clouds of vape fumes wherever they go and offends children over someone who actually sounds decent and kind 🤣

Lets be honest, whatever your dh has done for the prison sentence cant have been not serious can it. For the mums to not speak to you. Ive met parents at the school gates who have done time for robbery etc. Ive still been civil and they were honest. If I heard that little billys dad had been inside for hurting a child or something child related, and found out from a third party then id stop being civil too.

Sils a goodie who does charity work and doesn’t vape 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I work for a charity and I vape. Am I only half a goodie?
You sound very insecure and you did this to yourself. If Sil had made the joke about your child I am sure you would also be kicking off

@modernfairies I didn’t say it was a SIL problem. They’re both at fault here but in my opinion it was really irresponsible to share that info.

If I was the SIL I'd be glad that OP and her offensive husband weren't talking to me.

@Allthewineandallrhedrinks Your husband's crime was reported, it's not private information at all. It's public record.

This!

Marathon-running non-vaping lawyer or a convict who upsets family members at parties…which in law would YOU choose?!

You are so unreasonable, I don’t even know where to start. This thread is so identifiable as well that I would imagine (it being true), one of those school parents who have stopped talking to you (or any friends/family/colleagues of the people in question) will have worked out who is who here and will have told the lovely lawyer in question. I hope she starts a thread telling us all what it was your husband has said and done….

I'd like to take your SIL out for coffee and a cake. She sounds like my kind of person.

This is an excellent point - if I made a comment that upset a child I would 100% apologise for that, even if I thought my comment was fine - I would feel sorry for having caused their upset, and I would have no problem expressing that.

Try not to overreact (again) and reflect on your behaviour. You bought this on yourself, over something apparently so trivial no-one can remember what it was. I hope the school mums treat you a bit better as well. Whatever your husband did, its not fair to punish you or your children for it. even though you were willing to ostrasise her for daring to be a non blood relative/lawyer/know how stupid vaping is etc. You've had a very harsh lesson in karma here. I'd be seeking to calm things down and try and repair things, not start WW3.

If you make a joke that lands badly or hurts someone the best response is usually to apologise rather than doubling down on it and blaming the other person for being offended. You then behaved quite atrociously making your brother between his wife and you.

Having said that she shouldn't have blabbed about your husband or got your kids' school involved in your petty quarrel. That is incredibly nasty and unfair on the kids.

Agree. It looks like the 'class judgement ' is actually the other way - bloody do-gooding, non-drinking, marathon-running lawyers ruining the country.

Couldn't think of anything worse then being her. She is one of the goodies does marathons, doesnt drink doesnt vape does charity. And my parents are always like oh isnt she great shes done this.

She sounds a really decent person, I would love to get to know her and be friends with her.

You should raise your standards to hers @Allthewineandallrhedrinks She sounds a far better person than you do.

I would say that lots, perhaps the majority of people, wouldn't want their children around someone who had been to prison.

You have obviously forgiven him, but other people don't have to associate with him.

If they are school gate friends then obviously they have children. They are completely within their rights, and indeed sensible to not associate with someone who has served a custodial sentence. And by association the person who is married to the person who went to prison.

You choose to stay with, and have children with, someone who went to prison..

You shouldn't be surprised that this has curtailed you social friendship options now that people have found out

I bet your parents love having a marathon running, non vaping, lawyer in the family. LOL.

People aren’t agreeing with you so you’re, to use your words, “sulking off like a toddler”. The lack of self awareness is staggering. You don’t want opinions, you want validation. You aren’t going to get people agreeing that your high-achieving, charity-doing, sober SIL is a bitch for walking out of a room when your H made some sort of inappropriate or upsetting comment to her DD that apparently you can’t remember, or mentioned your H’s publicly available criminal history to a friend, unless you actually provide some relevant context beyond “she’s fake and a bitch that’s good with words”.

Your husbands as thug who's done time and says awful things to a young girl to the point her mom was upset and walked out. Your own mother told you to apologise and your both raging. I suspect your that used to your dh behaviour that your not aware how inappropriate his comment was. You wont say the comment said nor what your dh done time for. Its not normal to serve time in prison. There's a big crime committed and your glossing over it.

SiL has played a blinder here hasn't she. Keeping quiet all this time about and acquaintance in common. She is smart. Almost like she knew she'd need to play this ace card one day and like there's long history of this type of things happening. She has out manoeuvred you OP and your might not feel jealous but it does come across like you feel inferior in some way.

Lesson learned for you, stop minimising your husbands actions and think carefully before you blow your own life up again. As others have mentioned, best to be good to people who know your secrets.

Jealousy and dislike of your sister in law isn't an excuse to behave the way you did. You and your husband should have apologised, shouldn't have kicked off.

I don't think it was kind of her to tell the mums but when you always knew it was a risk that they would find out and you have to accept that.

My advice? Apologise for the offence caused, explain that her disclosing your husbands past impacts your child, but try not to fall out permanently with them.

If your husband is as you believe him to be the hold your high and move on. Its OK to grieve your friendships and in time you'll make new friends. Just remember you react in these situations is what people form lasting judgements on.

Wow you really are a self centered jealous person aren't you.
No we aren't all just like your sil we just aren't buying your twisted version of events.
You caused this by behaving like a spoilt brat and demanding that your husband a convicted criminal should be able to make inappropriate comments to your niece with no consequences for him.
If I found out someone hid their husbands criminal convictions and jail time for crimes that involved a child id never speak to them nor have them near my dc again mot nescaraly for the crime but because of the lies

Team SIL all the way. She sounds great, and honestly some might say she had a moral duty to tell people about what your husband did - I can't say for sure because you won't say what he did, but if I found out a parent of my child's friend was in prison for something involving a kid and I had a friend who knew and didn't tell me, now that would be WW3!

You're upset because the truth hurts. It's not a nice thing to experience, so I do sympathise, but try to think about it logically - how likely is it, really, that you and your husband are in the right and literally everybody else is wrong?