To start WW3 with my SIL

How is her removing herself from a room going "OTT" while not speaking to someone (for weeks/months) and refusing to see them and calling them a toddler not being "OTT"?

Do you see that being upset/angry in the moment and removing yourself from a situation is 1 or 2/10 of overreacting (to a comment you have conveniently forgotten) while not talking to someone, refusing to see them and calling them a toddler is an 8-9/10?

Your husband started the situation, your SIL backed off and then you escalated.

How do you know that she's the one who told people about your husband's past out of interest?

It's interesting that you minimise his past, his comments to the niece and your childish behaviour "not talking to" her while expecting her to suck it all up.

You seem very juvenile with your comments about her charity work, marathons and not vaping.

OP, is that you?
There isn’t a single person on here who has been verbally abusive.
Bullying? By not wanting to hang around with someone who is married to someone who has been away for crimes relating to a child? My guess is it’s a countrylines type conviction and he used a child as a drug runner, for what it’s worth.

You can’t be serious?

I think this thread has escalated and many here are being verbally abusive towards you.

The mums group who are excluding you are bullying you and it’s obvious that this is affecting your mental health.

My advice is to avoid anyone who is being unkind, dont get involved, or argue with anyone, remove yourself from all this stress and get yourself some counselling.

You need to talk to someone who is neutral in all this.
Best wishes to you.

If I found out one of my DCs friend's parents had been convicted of a serious crime (presumably violent/drugs/dangerous driving if he served time?) I would be distancing from you. I would be upset and angry you had kept this from me and it would break my trust. I appreciate your DC are innocent but, depending on the crime I'm unlikely to ever let my child come to your home and would want playdates only in the park, parties, school or perhaps in my own house. Presumably they are v young if he was only released 5 years ago so I would look to build up trust again slowly with one or two of their close friends, if they are willing.

Your DH is responsible for his crime, but, like for his victim/s, the consequences of his actions are lifelong, some people will never be able to look past this, and you have no control over that. You are deflecting your anger towards your SIL and minimising your DH actions. Information in the public domain can be found at any time so you should reflect on how you might share this carefully in future as it's something your children will have to navigate all their lives and they should be your priority.

Your husband said something inappropriate to your niece and your SIL (her mum) protected her. She is also protecting the children at your school by letting their mums know that your husband says inappropriate things to little girls and also was in prison for doing something to a child. Your SIL isn’t the one in the wrong.

Omg! She posed topless!? What a turn of events.

You chat through things with your friends & explain your/your DHs version of what happened 15 years ago. If they are true friends, they will understand. if they don’t, who cares, you move on & make new friends.
Yes, SIL was unreasonable to mention your husbands past, you were unreasonable to ‘start WW3’ (get a grip!) & demand you don’t want to see family because your SIL sulks? Let her!! You’re cutting off your nose to spite your face.
Sounds like you are both as bad as each other & need to do some serious growing up.

Most posters in dispute with someone else post an OP that is entirely skewed to their own perspective and paint themselves as the blameless victim. This OP has managed to sound like a nightmare straight out the gate and doubled down on it in subsequent posts. Her brother and his wife must be heaving a sigh of relief at the prospect of peace, perfect peace now @Allthewineandallrhedrinks has decided to go no contact with them.

As for your husband, no-one can comment on SIL's behaviour in divulging his past stint in the Big House since you won't say what he did. It's possible that the nature of his crimes meant that if SIL posted on AIBU about (eventually) telling all her mum pals, she might get her arse handed to her for not doing it much SOONER.

If you message MN (not sure how to do that) they’ll delete it for you.

I don’t think your SIL should have told your school mum friends, FWIW, unless your husband’s crime meant their children were potentially unsafe around him.

I feel that all of you are just like mini SILs in here so thats why you dont see it my way.

This is where you jumped the shark.

On the off-chance any of this is real - The Jeremy Kyle Show was cancelled years ago. Stop turning your life into an audition for it. Stop making bizarre threats about WW3 when you don’t actually have any ammunition. Stop cancelling arrangements for Easter that were never made in the first place.

You can blame your SIL for telling people your husband was in prison. Or you can look again at your attitude as to why he was there, and see if the people cutting you off have a point.

Oh god, good old fashioned jealousy. That’s what this is. You’re unbelievably jealous of her, and I doubt your husband and you have good jobs to be frank.

so you’re jealous of her job, her education, her fitness, her charity work, her lifestyle, likely her income and that’s why you tried to bully her.

you are the issue, grow up, get that chip off your shoulder.

You sound awful! Like a toddler yourself.

OP you sound... lacking in self-awarenss, if I'm to be kind about it.

Your SIL sounds like a nice, normal person. I suspect you're her nightmare inlaw.

This...

https://www.thesun.ie/living/1138646/remember-wife-swaps-foul-mouthed-lizzy-bardsley-heres-what-the-mum-of-eight-looks-like-now/

The SIL must be relieved you’re finally cutting contact. Not a good look for a lawyer to have married in to a family of ex-cons.

SIL and brother must be relieved.

I can’t quite explain it OP but I read this post in the style of this lady - https://www.instagram.com/reel/CxNcnbKu3nG/?igsh=dDBoOHd6M3FmbDR2

Is your SIL like Dr Emma?

my absolute first thought.

I’m not saying your husband can’t change but sadly most ex criminals especially if it’s involving a child may have a hard time if this comes out whether by parents googling, SIL outing etc. I’m curious as to what your DH said to your niece too. Wouldn’t you be upset if the shoe/boot was on the other foot?

Same

It’s about their feelings, how they have been wronged when their DH said something, someone didn’t react the way she thought they should and it made HER uncomfortable, no thought to others outside of her. Then escalated by texting about Easter to not celebrate with her brother’s family and thinking insulting her brother’s wife is acceptable when he asked why.

On top of that, shocked that many don’t agree with her and the posts she has added doesn’t sound like it was as trivial as she wants to make it out as.

I can’t remember what DH said but it wasn’t that bad. Surely to make that judgement, one knows some of what was said even if they don’t remember word for word.

OP knows it was bad otherwise she would have said what it was.

Add in her recent, it practically comes down to her heavy dislike of her SIL and SIL walking away just set OP off.

OP expected sympathy and many to agree with her and when many haven’t she wants to make it out to be a class issue and what not.

When did it be a class issue or a person is fake to not drink, not smoke, not vape, and checks notepad do charity?

You can't change what has happened but you can change what you do next.

You clearly don’t like your SIL anyway as you have put running marathons as a negative

The not drinking, not vaping and doing charity are also being thrown out in a negative manner, which is ….. odd.

Tying yourself up in knots trying to justify your husband's behaviour sounds exhausting. No wonder you are jealous of other people's lifestyles. You might have the energy to run a marathon if you face up to what your H has done and stop ruining your life trying to cover for him.

The school mums seem to have raised theirs at least. Doubt @Allthewineandallrhedrinks has the self awareness to.