To start WW3 with my SIL

If you both can’t remember what your dh said to your niece, then why are you not speaking to your sil because of it? If it was so insignificant then there’s no reason to fall out over it 🤨

Not sure why you won’t just say what your dh did 15 years ago .. it’s clearly worse than you’re letting on otherwise you wouldn’t be so secretive about it.

You sound like a spoilt, jealous drama queen.

Because my children's safety comes before the feelings of a school mum acquaintance. We don't know what the crime is which is why there is so much speculation but it's obviously serious to have resulted in a custodial sentence, involves a child, and the press reporting which will cover all this detail means the mums she knows IRL feels it's serious enough to cool their friendship with her.

It's not bullying to say I wouldn't feel comfortable letting my child go to their home unsupervised without those details, I only let them go to the homes of people I know and trust. Friendships can happen outside of the home with no impact on innocent DC.

I love this thread cos I’m the SIL in this scenario and my husband’s sister is the OP😂😂😂.

You're not going to get that information

@Allthewineandallrhedrinks isn't going to tell us because we are all mini SIL

Even if SIL had just told people that you stopped speaking to her because she walked out of a room when your husband bulled/insulted her daughter I think some people would step away.

The lack of self-awareness is astounding. Take a step back and look at what you've written and the majority of the replies.

Look, you’ve clearly come on here wanting to fight with someone and that’s fine, but I’m not that someone, you picked the wrong poster. Move on, the thread isn’t about you.

What did your DH say "in a jokey way" to your neice ?
What was the "bad stuff" you DH went to prison for?
Without these 2 crucial pieces of information its difficult to decide the best way to move forwards for you now.

Try rereading your own posts.

I mean look at the post you're commenting on. This ladies 'friends' weren't aware that her husband was in prison for an ambiguous crime that involved a child. So really it's what is your definition is of a friend? Also if you leave your kids at someone's house are you aware of other adults coming and going? One FC I had his grandad was a paedophile and preying on children when they went over to play. The only people I would leave to care for my children are my parents and my sisters. That's because I know their histories and they respect my boundaries about no other children or adults around. But that's easily stuck to because I've been a parent 15 years and only used family for babysitting 5/6 times. My husband and I juggle it between us.

I'm surprised that she kept it quiet for so long, the past follows you, second chances at a new identity doesn't exist unless you name change.
I think you know that you overreacted cutting her off, draw a line, move on otherwise the whole family will be dragged into this.

Its not bulling if someone doesn’t want their children to be around someone who has a serious sentence for an offence involving children.
Would I want my children having play dates at Jimmys house if his father spent time in prison for kiddy porn or drug trafficking with children? Absolutely not. And it’s not at all like bullying.

Can we bin off crying “bullying!” when you hear something you disagree with?

Why do people want words to lose all meaning?

You won't say what he said or what his conviction was that tells me everything I need to know alongside the fact your friendship group have ostracised you over his conviction now that they know . Presumably he served a 10 year sentence if he was released 5 years ago and its happened 15 years ago , you dont get a hefty sentence like that because someone was being ott it was clearly a very serious crime that you're basically sweeping under the rug ! I wouldn't want my kids around you either tbh.

There is no attack there or not a weird conspiracy.

It’s just made up bollocks that’s why.

I don’t mind being an outlier it’s better than jumping on a pile on.

Your implication that it ‘touched a nerve’ for me looks like an attempt to get people who enjoy a good ‘pile on’ to jump on me as well.

Attempting to implicate me in this way is pathetic of you.

Can you not engage in a discussion without personally attacking someone else?

Except for the bit where she's put her nephews/nieces at risk of being ostracised at school.
OP sounds like a nightmare, but that doesn't make it right for SIL to do this to the kids.

OP, for your own sake and your children’s I would really try and think about your partners conviction in isolation to your feelings for him (difficult I know). People aren’t given custodial sentences because others have been OTT - I’m guessing that’s what he’s told you. And if she is a lawyer, she’ll have a good understanding of what it is he’s done so don’t go writing her off.

Also, please don’t go isolating yourself from your family. People on Mumsnet don’t just decide to go against the OP - they base their responses based on what’s been said and the overwhelming majority see red flags. Just think about all f that for a moment.

I’m sorry you’re upset and it’s not nice to be feeling isolated but don’t do anything too rash.

The implication is that I don't think my kids are precious? Obviously your experiences have coloured your choices, as all of ours do.
I've never left my kids with strangers. But it depends on what your definition of strangers is. Some of their friends mums have been my friends, but some of them have been acquaintances, mums of kids in the same class. Do you regard them as strangers?

Wow you’re a real outlier here and seem to have no issue with the ops behaviour, I’m guessing it touched a nerve for you?

It is a little hard to believe, isn’t it? 🤔

Wow! Why would a woman married to someone who has ‘served his sentence’ be forced to declare this to all and sundry.

Should she wear sack cloth and ashes and kiss the ground as well.

You can discretely avoid your children having contact with him but to exclude the mother and children is pure bullying!

What a vile thread and there’s no justifying for the pitchfork carrying, name calling cruelty rising to the surface here.

Not wanting to be friends with someone doesn't class as bullying.

For all we know her Husband could have sold drugs to kids. You only really go to prison for drugs, drug dealing, violence and sexual things or serious fraud. I've know people steal money and drink drive who get community orders and suspended sentences.

It's called self preservation and using you judgment. Not bullying.

Surely no one can be this dense. But if this is actually real then you fucked with the wrong person OP. She sounds brilliant and if she’s a lawyer then you can’t compete with her sharp analytical thinking, meticulous attention to detail, and persuasive communication skills. So you fact you thought you could get to decide what offends other people or not but then believe everyone should just forget about your husbands past is mind numbingly stupid.

Your school mum friends have dropped you like a hot potato because they weren’t your friends to begin with and clearly whatever your husband has done they don’t want to be associated with that. You make your bed, so lay in it.

OP is being so ridiculous its actually funny.

SIL is BU for leaving the room but OP and DH are NBU for leaving the house 'raging'.

DH made a joke that was so inconsequential that he can't remember it despite the comment causing SIL to leave the room and OP's mother to ask him to apologise.

DH did something no so bad ages ago that he has grown from despite it being bad enough to attract a prison sentence, was only 5 years ago and involved a child.

OP is entitled to demand SIL gets left out of family events and has to spend Easter alone while her DH and children meet up with family. SIL is BU to be upset by this.

SIL is BU to discuss her criminal BIL with a work colleague as she should have foreseen colleague would tell someone else who knows OP. No one would have found out otherwise despite the news reports being publicly available.