To start WW3 with my SIL

And my parents are always like oh isn’t she great shes done this.

I wonder if there’s some issues regarding the SIL and parents relationship? As the OP previously mentioned it was her parents house she sulked off in and not the blood relative line.
Don’t think I would ever be brave enough to text someone say their wife behaved like a toddler. I prefer we already have plans that weekend 😂

Oh no! It’s the consequences of your decisions!

You are being ostracised because the school mums found out about your husband’s criminal record.

They found out about his criminal record because your husband did something to your niece and then you caused an issue with your brother.

You may as well move now. Whatever he did must have been really really bad.

People don't go to prison for minor offences these days. When you are a criminal/choose to marry a criminal you must work hard to show that you are better people. You don't go around making dodgy jokes, falling out with your family or minimise the crime, as that shows that you still have poor morals. If my friend was a school friend of yours I may well mention it, if I think your husband is a danger ie safeguarding, drug or alcohol misuse, or likely to steal from them. They need that information to assess the risk for potential playdates, sleepovers etc.

92% YABU. Maybe reflect on this?
Team SIL here.

I think the op was embarassed her mum told her husband to apologise, and she thinks the sil put a spotlight on it by leaving in a huff, so they decided ri blame her and she went on the attack, it was an ideal opportunity as she’s so jealous of her,she was just waiting for an opportunity,

what she didn’t count on was retaliation, if indeed it was the sister in law who said, which I very much doubt, maybe someone asked her and she confirmed. But this is public knowledge, it’s a surprise they didn’t all find out already. But I strongly suspect this had nothing to do with the sil, and it’s the ops jealousy jumping to conclusions.

She's a lawyer that does charity work, runs marathons, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't vape.

What kind of evil is this, I can see why you don't like her. How dare she be offended by a joke that upset her daughter, made by a former criminal who's wife is so ashamed that she refuses to acknowledge his past may influence how funny his jokes come across.

Honestly, who does this woman think she is.

Edit for typos

Your SIL did not have any issue hanging with your family on Easter and other events, allegedly, untill you told your brother she is a PITA. She took it as you told your brother and came with vengeance on your husband past.
If she is the bride on the wedding and the child in the baptism start a WW3 is going to end badly for your family, not for her. I would take a deep breath and tell her to fuck off in my mind and don't take further actions. You both are going to drag your husband, her husband and your parents to a shit show continuing like this.

i think saying the mums group are bullying the OP by "excluding "her is unreasonable without knowing the salient facts of what was said,what "bad stuff" the OP DH was imprisoned for.
Its difficult to comment on how the OP can move forwards in this without knowing the facts of What her DH said to her neice and what the DH previous conviction was,those facts may be relevant in understanding what has happened here.

So many missing reasons.

What did your husband say to your niece and what was he in prison for??

It sounds like your husband did something reprehensible. I know people with criminal records and they aren’t ostracised. But then again none of them assaulted children.

That fact you won't share a) what he did to get sent down and b) what he said to your niece (I don't believe for a second he doesn't remember) tells us everything we need to know here.

Hmmm. Men that say offensive things under the guide of being a 'joke' deserve to be called out in it.

She had no right blabbing about his past though.

OP does come across as a drama llama. As pp said Jeremy Kyle ended ages ago.

Exactly. A reasonable person. Which it seems like OP and her DH are not.

Are you joking? It’s you who has started all the childish drama. Calling your SIL names and refusing to see or speak to her again is "a big deal"!

How did you get that from what they wrote?

That poster said if it was THEIR friend and what they would expect from a friend to disclose and they wouldn’t have the children in their house but would meet up in other places.

People are allowed to have their own boundaries about what they feel they need to know about a friend or a friend’s spouse especially when it involves crime and children.

If you don’t agree, perfectly fine, that is your choice/decision if it were your friends , but for others they don’t feel/think the same.

If it wasn’t that bad and these people were really OP’s friends surely they would have come to her and ask her about it?

OP would at least say what her DH has said to lead to all of this in the first place if it wasn’t that bad yet pretends she doesn’t know.

No one is asking for word for word but the gist but she is too busy concentrating on making out as if SIL overreacted when her DH set the match and she poured gasoline over it out of her heavy dislike of her SIL.

Why choose to not see your brother and the niece you supposedly love over Easter and insult his wife, her mother when asking why because your SIL disagreed and walked out over something your husband said to her daughter?

A reasonable person would have just told him to just apologise, smooth things over and move on if it truly wasn’t that bad.

I know a guy in his early 60s who in his 30s did a year in prison for growing cannabis. He’s a nice man whose horticultural skills are now put to good use in garden design and who follows ‘clean living’ principles to an extent that makes me feel bad. I would have no qualms whatsoever about my children spending time with him - he certainly wouldn’t be encouraging them into drug use! More likely to bore them rigid about fibre and organic veg.

Rehabilitation absolutely can happen.

But I would not let my children spend time with anyone who had, say, injured (or even worse, killed) a child through dangerous driving, or carried out an act of violence involving a child. Absolutely not.

There’s a huge range of crimes that can result in imprisonment, & some of them are such that it would be very hard for others to get past them.

I think if all of the OP’s friend group, every one of them, are that concerned about her husband’s conviction, there is probably good reason for it. This is very sad for the OP’s innocent children, but instead of ranting about her SIL she needs to think about a sensible way of building bridges with the other school mums - involving honest conversations - so that her children are not penalised for whatever their father did.

I think you risk losing your family here, as well as your friends.
Your SIL was upset at what your DH said, and your mum clearly agreed as she asked him to apologise.

Before you have this thread deleted, and before you start WW3 on your SIL, maybe think seriously about what you have to lose here - your brother will stick by his wife not you. I don't believe in this situation you will be able to see your brother, niece and nephew if you're waging war on your SIL. You should be building bridges. And cut out the inverse snobbery.

Yes definitely this.
Bet it's not the first time he has said something out of order and that was the last straw.

Guess we will never know.... lol

Yes, and "stropping off to another room like a toddler" was probably more "I'm going to remove myself from the room for a breather before I lay down some home truths!"

I'd absolutely LOVE to hear the SILs version of this!! Because it very much reads like you and DH started it all.

Basically, your DH said something mean/unkind to his niece, the mother of said niece was upset about it (not unreasonably), so then you and DH decided to cut them off?
And now you're upset because SIL and her DH have decided to fire back with some home truths?

From the OP:

It absolutely was not sexual related. It did sort of involve a kid but not in any sequel way. It was a very long time ago and he has changed and learnt from his mistakes. They shouldn't be bought up its a private matter.

Hay OP. I sympathise with you to an extent. My dad has been to jail twice (when he was in his 20s, both for drunken bar fights). He’s in his 70s now, sober and he is a very different person. When you have a family member who’s got a past that involves prison, drugs, or run ins with the law you just have to accept that some people will not accept it. My dad has been fully sober now for 20 years, he has been off drugs for 40 years, he has never had a run in with the law, and he volunteers helping people with similar issues. He never hurt my mum, my siblings or me - I’ve never really seen him shout at anyone. Some people still don’t accept that he has changed and as much as it is hard that’s their choice and they have a right to feel that way.

You need to understand that for some people a criminal past is an instant no, and they won’t associate with it. These people will never accept you because you have chosen to believe your husband has changed.

From the OP.