Eating beef in the house

Beef is a trigger for him.
if it’s that important to you then by all means leave but I think YABU. Home should be a safe space for everyone.

It sounds like you don't both respect each other. There is no relationship without respect. Save the heart ache and just accept you are not compatible and maybe time to re think the relationship. This is a basic issue which should have been ironed out before you moved in together.

You knew how your partner felt about eating beef in the house but showed no respect for his feelings.

He certainly over reacted, there’s no need to throw plates away but it’s good you’ve realised now as you’re clearly not right for each other. I have no idea why these things weren’t discussed before you moved in with each other.

Well it is, it is demanding compliance with cultural habits not deeply held religious beliefs (if it were that I’d be advising OP to ditch as well). It is a complete nonsense for an atheist who is supposed to rational to call their partner an arsehole for this. I have cultural beliefs and I know they are deeply engrained through conditioning rather than logical so I choose to ignore them, I don’t ask people to comply with them even when people doing those things make me feel uncomfortable because it’s a me problem not someone else problem. OP’s boyfriend wants someone who behaves like they are from the same culture/belief system without the rest of the baggage. This is an extremely unreasonable expectation.

And that is totally fair enough.

But at the same time, others can decide that they don't want to share a home with someone who isn't able to accept their boundaries.

Sounds like the OP has made the right decision anyway. They clearly weren't compatible.

Put it on a paper plate.

Beef isn't very healthy anyway. Just eat some chicken. Beef has cholesterol and has higher risks of cardiovascular disease.

As he's an atheist he's being a complete and utter hypocrite. But even if he wasn't, he's being a complete and utter knob end. I'm not surprised you feel like this is over, OP.

Good for you, it’s this now, it’ll be something else later. Not all asian men are like this at all, my asian husband is nothing like this stupid, it’s just this one. I would be telling my daughter to dump someone this ridiculous because eventually he’ll ask you to comply with something else and then something else. I’m an atheist, so is DH, we have never ever had anyone fainting over meat or alcohol etc etc. we have some cultural instincts and sometimes we differ but we can talk like grown ups and we don’t ever try to coerce each other.

It is as much cultural as it is religious, though.

And no, it is not acceptable for anyone to force their cultural beliefs on anyone, but if you choose to be in a relationship with someone, then a degree of compromise on both sides is required to make it work.

And no, the niqab is not a good comparison. The DP is not trying to control what the OP eats by telling her that she cannot eat beef full stop - that would be controlling. But he is simply asking her not to eat it in their shared home. She doesn't have to agree to that request if she doesn't want to, but if they can't find a compromise that will work for both of them, then the relationship may not be very sustainable.

Exactly. Mumsnet needs to get a grip here, if this was a white man calling a white woman an asshole I don’t think the response would be the same. He doesn’t get a free pass for being exotic. I’ve been married to a brown man as a brown woman for ages and he’s never called me a single derogatory name. It is not ok. Don’t tell women they have to accept men being awful to them because of “their culture”. brown men should not be held to lower standards, it’s insulting and it’s the racism of low expectations.

the whole think is like a white guy saying “I’m an atheist but in this house we fast for lent”. Doesn’t make any sense does it.

Do you or he wear leather? Is he reacting like this because in his culture its like eating a cat or an elephant or a dolphin, horrific in a way you might not understand? Or do you think hes just being controlling and you might even be winding him up on purpose. A proper heart to heart to understand whats at play here might help clarify things for you.

Not giving up sirloin steak for any man!

he can cook for himself, use his own precious plate and cutlery, and wash it himself.

or better still, sling his hook.

Just get some paper plates!

It is if the aversion is religious (which it is) and the person objecting claims to be an atheist (which he is). I would not think it’s acceptable for someone to inflict their cultural beliefs on me and expect me to live like I sign uo to their beliefs. The niqab is cultural not religious, would it be acceptable for a man to demand a woman complies woth it to respect his cultural sensibilities?

I wouldn’t want to eat off a plate that had dog served up on previously, so I guess I can see his point. Can you keep separate crockery for beef plates?

I agree with the DP tbf. I know a Hindu couple, wife is veg, husband is non-veg. The family rule is that he eats meat only outside of the house. The house is veg.

If you can have chicken, lamb, fish pork etc at home but just not beef.... Maybe compromise?

I wont force a vegetarian/vegan or whatever the latest trend it is to eat what they choose not too

I will not be forced to eat or not eat something in my own house

and I say the same for others

To be honest I think you could be a lot more tolerant in a blended-culture household. Is it a big deal not to eat beef at home??? Seems to me that there are plenty of other meats if you want to respect your partners beliefs.

However he shouldn’t have resorted to calling you an ar@@… . Sounds like you need to have a grown up discussion about the key values in your relationship.

It makes perfect sense if you have a basic understanding of how culture affects us all.

Would you be happy to have someone eating dog in your house?

He’s a bit of a dickhead tho

As someone from a background where a lot of people don’t eat beef he’s being completely fucking unreasonable. If he’s an atheist then he doesn’t believe that you are polluting the plates. Honestly he needs to get a fucking grip, also it’s not ok for him to be so controlling about this, I would see this as a red flag tbh, I have family members who are vegetarian for religious reasons and don’t try to enforce this on others. I’m an atheist, I genuinely don’t believe there is any difference between eating a cow or any other animal, it’s contradictory nonsense.

Throw this one back, if he has such string feeling about habits you may find he has strong feelings about other things that don’t make sense later as well.