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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask your choice of school?

32 replies

Blooperpenguin · 26/02/2026 18:44

I’ll not go into the details but which of the following would you go for if your DD was looking at secondary schools:

  1. A girls grammar school, with an exceptional reputation, located about 5 miles away but linked by a regular school bus. It’s possible some of DD’s friends may also go to this school but its not guaranteed, and most won’t.
  2. The local state comprehensive school. It’s 10 minutes walk away. It’s not got an outstanding reputation but it’s not awful; its reputation is satisfactory. The likelihood is most of the kids DD knows will go here.
OP posts:
Catlady007007 · 26/02/2026 23:48

The grammar school.

I wouldn't even question it tbh.

CBAwithallthethings · 26/02/2026 23:47

I don’t think 5 miles is too far. There are schools I’m considering for my son which are 6 miles away on one bus (I live in a big city and that’s not an unusual distance to travel). I think more important is if they would suit the grammar school and are keen to go there? If yes brilliant put it first but if no and they’ll be miserable then I’d think really hard about it.

Susuwataris · 26/02/2026 23:39

Where does she want to go also? Being somewhere she doesn't want to be will have a big impact on her experience.

tildathyme · 26/02/2026 23:37

Definitely 1. If she has been accepted and it’s very selective she is obviously the right fit for it. She is unlikely to remain close to primary school friends anyway once she starts secondary so I wouldn’t let it sway you how many of her current friends will go there.

MathsMum3 · 26/02/2026 23:30

Not enough information in your OP. You don't mention your DD's personality.

How confident is your DD to go to a school which involves significant travel, and where she might not know anyone? Will she embrace making ne friends or will she struggle?

Where do her siblings attend - is this a factor?

Does her personality suggest she will thrive and a school where she is challenged and unlikely to be at the top of her cohort, or will she be happier in a more comfortable setting where she can shine amongst her peers?

When making decision about which school is best for your DD, it's not just about the school's reputation (as your post suggests), but about which school is the best fit for your DD's personality.

AmberDreams · 26/02/2026 19:01

Option 1 every single time. You’d need your head testing if you go for option 2.

Lighterandbrighter · 26/02/2026 18:57

Will the bus route also take her to see her friends from the grammar school? Or are they the other side so say 10-15 miles away and you'll need to ferry her around to go and see them?

Assuming they will be accessible, and she wants to go, I'd go for the girls grammar. But she should have a big vote given she'll be the one there for years and years.