MIL planning her own party and didn’t invite me!

Id assume that the partners would be seeing their own mums that day

Absolutely insane! If you didn’t have children then fair enough but she’s basically saying her grandchildren’s mothers don’t matter, only she does. I hope all say no and support their wives.

I think if it really was just a couple of hours at a convenient time it would have been an ok request.

Mother's Day here isn't until May.

Once when we were visiting ILs & my dad & it happened to be MD, my MIL was outraged that my young kids made a fuss of me as I would be having "my day" in May.

We left her to it & spent the day with my dad.

OP would be looking after 3 primary aged kids solo, which is not fertile pampering ground territory. Always the risk that you end up being expected to referee something as soon as you get into the nice hot bath.

I organise stuff for just me and my dc.
it’s lovely to have them to myself for a few hours.
I don’t think it’s selfish.

Mother’s day has become a commercial celebration. Bit like fricking Halloween and Valentine’s Day. It’s garbage

Why wait for one day a year to tell your mum you love her ? Let him go with your blessing.

Do something lovely for yourself, there will be other times 🥰

Maybe she’s wanting to sit down with them and let them know her intentions re some kind of inheritance. As previous posters have said- she’s perfectly entitled to invite them and they can attend or politely decline. No biggie.

Jesus Christ, OP has only posted 8 times and you can filter comments to see hers. Fair enough if you don’t want to read the full thread, but you should at least read the OP’s comments.

OP expressed (over 24 hours ago) that her mother passed away yet there are still countless posters saying “why don’t you spend it with your own mum?”, “presumably she thought you’d be with your own mum?” etc. It’s insensitive and twatty.

And for the “couple of hours” brigade; OP clarified that it’s 12-4 with 45/60 mins travel time each way. If 6 hours is your definition of a couple of hours then fair fucks, but it’s not mine.

It's 12-4 with 45 minutes travel either side so basically 11-5.
It would be fine on a different day

OP she is batshit (unless she has found out she is terminally ill?)

you are doing actual intensive mothering and also may be thinking of your own mother. DH should be there to support and celebrate.

If it's for a couple of hours I don't see the problem.
Maybe she just wanted to do one thing with all her children and no partners there is no other day that you could do this really without it being awkward.
It would be a lovely memory.
Women often spend time without their partners with their mother.

I see no issue with getting together just original family, but not on big occasions. That's like only inviting your adult children to Christmas day and expecting them to leave their spouse and children at home. It's rude, and if they have any sense they'll tell you no.

Is that what she is doing? Seems a bit of a leap. Will he be acting like she doesn’t exist, or will he be visiting his mum on part of Mother’s Day?

Sorry, assumed offense as you made it quite specific to your circumstances.

It is mildly annoying there are so many people here telling OP she SHOULD be happy with XYZ.

Some people genuinely do want their partners and Fathers of their children to demonstrate how they should treat their partners. No. OP is not her husbands Mum. But he has a v important role in setting an example here.

BTW effort in my house isn't gifts or lunch out. It's just making breakfast and maybe going for a lovely walk.

Well I wouldve had to be happy wouldn't I?

I'm not offended just asking

If you were happy that's all that matters.

The person I originally replied to is throwing shade in quite a sneering way about mums that get a bit more than whatever the children make or perhaps enjoy it or expect their husbands to make a little contribution. But got ahead. Take offense at something that literally was not aimed at you or your situation.

I think, knowing that you have lost your own mother, it is a bit harsh for her to expect your DH to act as if you don’t exist for the day.

I agree. DC make cards at school and at Brownies/Cubs. It's lovely. They are heartfelt and meaningful to them and to me. Being taken out for lunch or getting presents or whatever else it is that other people are doing isn't "better", it's just a different way of marking it to do it with a lot more add-ons. It doesn't get better than a hand-made card as far as I'm concerned.

My family has swelled to 7 people which is lovely. Very occasionally my mum, dad, sister and I have dinner together. The original four. It’s lovely.

no one feels excluded - we do lots in different configurations of the new family. Mumsnet is weird - there is always a strong reaction to subsets of families getting together. The invite everyone mantra isn’t always right! It’s okay for a mum to want to spend Mother’s Day with her children - especially when none of them are mums themselves. and this will be the last year she is the only mum in their original nuclear family

What's " better". Surely it's the things kids make themselves That's important?

Or was I apparently treated badly as I was a single parent and the stuff my kids did wasnt good enough?

Don’t do this! If your husband wants his kids to get his mum a Mother’s Day gift let him arrange it!

Make sure when he takes her gift that you include a grandma one from the kids to reiterate it all.....!

My dh has 3 brothers, all have children under 10, and none of them would go to their mums on their own from 11-5 for
Mother’s Day, it wouldn’t even need deciding. Not that my mil would ask them to.

Just because you settled for less, don't set the bar low for others. My Husband makes an effort for my kids and to show them how to make an effort.

No need for such hostility because others get treated better than you.

Obviously the nice thing to do would be to invite everyone and have it as a family get together. But I bet she "has form" for this type of thing.

I may be a bit slow - but I don’t get why this is so outrageous.

she is a mother. None of her adult children are mothers. She wants to have Mother’s Day with her children?

why do you need your husband with you on Mother’s Day? Do you not spend it with your children? Surely he can be there to help the with presents and breakfast and bed. But your not his mother?

sorry - just a bit lost here!

editing to say maybe I am a bit puzzled her because I don’t have children? I am doing Mother’s Day dinner at my house for my family. Of my brother in law doesn’t attend because he is with his mum I would bat an eyelid. It’s his mum.