MIL planning her own party and didn’t invite me!

I think a "no thanks" text from your DH is all that this request merits, @ImaMothertoo . Hope you have a lovely mother's day with your husband and children.

I think that even if it takes up more than a couple of hours, as an occasional thing, it's an okay ask. Obviously not ideal that the travel time has to be factored in and it would be much better if mil lived around the corner, but thinking about it, if all her kids are spread out, there might not be much opportunity to have them all together.
Much as she might love her dil and grandchildren, sometimes it's nice to just spend time with her own kids.
When my mil got a new partner my dh literally never saw his mum without the new partner in tow - he missed her. Conversations and the dynamic is different when partners and small children are there.

I think there's some irony in posters calling the mil 'entitled' because she wants this day to be about her, whilst believing that the day should really be about the wives. The dh can still ensure his wife has a nice morning, that her kids make her breakfast and celebrate her. The mil would be unreasonable if there really is zero flexibility on the timings, but if the dh could be there from 1.30, imo that would be okay. It's one afternoon to do something that is importsnt to his mum.

I don't know where we've acquired this idea that mothers of small children always take priority over mothers of adult children. I think if she was asking for this every year then OP would be right to push back, but as an occasional request, I think mil isn't being unreasonably entitled.

Parents of adult dc are entitled to be thought of and have their wishes considered by their adult dc - we are important people too. Not all entitlement is bad. Agree that there does need to balance and fairness though - not everyone can have what they want all of the time.

The whole point of mother’s day is to celebrate the mother- the mother putting in all the hours looking after the kids.. not to leave her on her own with them for the majority of the day. Surely that’s not difficult to understand?
Also the point is that the MIL has organised it with no intention of firstly asking her children what day/time works for them and their families and/or if they have plans with the mothers of their own kids. That is very presumptuous and rude behaviour.
Also all of the posters saying ‘let him go’ are missing the point that the DH doesn’t WANT to go and has told his Mum that himself.

Are you the mil? 😂

She wants more than that, and given the 45 minute drive it would be 11.15 to 4.45. We also don't know whether it would be acceptable for DH to only attend for part of the invited period.

I agree that a genuine couple of hours engagement that didn't take up the whole day would be ok, that's not what this is.

Rude would be inviting some of the partners and excluding others but its fair, all not invited for a mother to spend time with their sons/ daughters, whats wrong with that 🤔

If you didn't have kids, no problem.

As you do, bat shit. Unless your kids are adults.

It would be fine if it was a random day agreed to by everyone
but picking Mother’s Day is putting herself above others and that doesn’t sit right with me at all

you sound difficult. Your life view is no one should go on holiday over your birthday and your son is so weak that while Beowulf never go on holiday over your birthday his wife forced him? And somehow her parents being in on the holiday is also bad!

oh dear.

Oh heavens now an invitation is entitled🤣.

I would be fine with this. She wants a few hours with her own children, alone, on Mother’s Day. The dynamic would be completely different with all the partners and kids there. She is presumably not a young woman. Let her have one day, for goodness sake. Your husband can “spoil you” the day before if that’s what you want, but he should go and be with his mother and siblings as organised as I imagine it rarely happens.

Just to add, your dh doesn't have to arrive at 12 - he could be there for 1.30, leave at 4.

Assuming she doesn't live a long distance away, I don't think it's that unreasonable to want a couple of hours on her own with her dc all together occasionally. It's not like she asking her kids to bring their kids and to leave you all alone for the day - you will be with your own children.

Now if this was going to involve hours of travel and take up the entire day, that would be more unreasonable, but just because a woman's dc are adult, with their own kids, their mum doesn't stop being their mum. It's not terrible imo that she wants to briefly revisit a time when she had her kids all together and all to herself for a few hours on Mother's Day.

Okay, but OP should be able to spend a day with her kids and partner, not being the adult on duty. What's weird about wanting that? If I were MIL, I'd do the same as my mom and first MIL. Include kids' partners, let everyone enjoy the day. MIL seems to have some main character energy.

She sounds mental. I don’t know why so many MILs go out their way to exclude and alienate daughters in law. And her own grandchildren! Could never be me.

My DiL booked their last holiday to be away for my birthday (went with her parents as usual) so I think this is a great idea!!!

This has got to be the most cheque cancelly thread in ages.

Petty? But the MiL isn’t when her DC is an adult?

OP, respectfully, get a life.

I’d get the rest of the family round for a big party (afternoon tea, but you could hype it up) so whilst they’re having time with Mummy, you can all have a fun time. She’ll probably hate being left out!

Where are your eyes? Where could they be? Where are your eyes? Point to them with me…

I think this is a nice idea for your MIL. She has five, now adult, children and would like them to all be together with her and make a fuss of her. Why would she invite you specifically as well? If she did that she’d also have to invite the other four partners plus your kids and theirs. If they all have three kids like you do….that would be a party for 11 adults and 15 kids……
It’s just a day. I wouldn’t make a fuss. Your kids and dh can easily make a fuss of you another day.

OP has already confirmed that her own mother has died.

Her MIL has told her children to arrive by 12.00 noon but the afternoon tea is from 2.00 pm to 4.00 pm so she is pretty much expecting OP's DH to be there for most of the day.

Spending Mother's Day on her own with her small children is hardly going to be relaxing for OP.

OP's mother has died. Luckily, her husband has declined his mum's invitation and will be spending the day with OP and his children.

THIS
@ImaMothertoo
a couple of people have already asked, but Did any of mil children agree to this?
it’s very entitled.
my mil also wanted more attention than anyone had time for, but even she wouldn’t have pulled a stunt like this.