MIL planning her own party and didn’t invite me!

mothers day is for kids and mothers a day to celebrate mom

Exactly - but the point here is that the MIL's plans mean the daughters in law, who apparently all do have actual kids, as in children, don't get to enjoy the day being celebrated because they will be doing their usual looking after of said kids, on their own, as the fathers of the same will be with the MIL. It's not the fact that MIL wants to see her children on that particular day, that in itself is perfectly reasonable. The problem is that the way she has arranged it pisses all over four other mothers' special days.

Exactly!! I really do not see the big deal at all ..
This type of problem seems to happen every year.. mothers didn't stop being a mother because her son /daughter married..

On Father's day men usually want to spend time with their male kids or male grandkids and it's view as ok.. (guys day out).
But some mothers are different. Some wants time with just the daughters, but usually they just want that time spent with their children in general.. not a big deal.

@bigboykitty agree. All the whataboutery and minimising is not coming across as "flexible" and "fair and inclusive" as people think. It's just a bit revealing 😆

Ultimately, the MiL is showing contempt and no consideration for those who she did not birth.

In any relationship, there are ways to go about doing things. This isn't it. The proof is in the pudding anyways as all 5 of her children have declined to attend. Which is telling.

What manipulative bullshit!

And I wouldn't dream of punishing my children for spending time with their wife and children, @Bellyblueboy! That is a really nasty suggestion.

She’s asked to see her children only, they have said no. It’s really her problem and not getting worked up about. She ends up alone.. whereas if she had invited everyone she would potentially have all her children and grandchildren with her on Mother’s Day. Lesson learned perhaps?!

Maybe she wants to give them a large financial present as part of her estate planning🥰. Mother’s Day would be a lovely day to do that.

I hope it’s that, and because none of kids would visit her on Mother’s Day she has decided the blow the money on herself!

But if you have something to tell them, that their partners and kids could not be privy too as suggested, why do that on Mothers day, it doesn't make sense.

Because she is their mother?

And it doesn’t matter if that ‘quality time’ is a big chunk out of the middle,of Mothers’ Day, so her son will be leaving his own wife and their kids (who apparently don’t count as family to his mum), instead of spending the day with the mother of his children.

I am a MIL and I wouldn't dream of selfishly taking my son away from his wife and kids on Mothers’ Day.

Fair enough. She wants to spend quality time with her children

That's a possibility but why pick mothers day?

But that degree of flexibility is what the MIL has ruled out this year despite it having worked that way previously

It doesn’t sound like a very happy extended family.

OP clearly doesn’t like her MIL, and it seems the feeling is mutual.

Christmas must be a blast with this lot! Imagine the tension and the jealousy and the undercurrents!

If that's the case MIL could have suggested any other day, perhaps the Saturday, & it didn't need to be a 4 hour event in the middle if the day. Why wait until Mothers Day even, invite them any of the nearest evenings or Saturday/Sundays that they are free for a little get together. Instead she has used the reasoning that her DILs/SIL + GC are 'not real family', & repeated this on a second conversation with her DS. At this point she could alternatively have said, I have something important to share. Instead it seems she has insulted her DC so that they don't want to make such plans with her.

The problem is MIL had now annoyed them all by wanting 6 hours of the day along with calling her DILs/SIL & GC 'not real family', & how she wants just her 'real family' there, & has repeated this again to DS since the post went live. So it doesn’t look like she's backing down or taking the refusal lightly. You can't compromise with someone who doesn't want to compromise, particularly whilst they are saying insensitive things. It seems she has picked her hill to die on.

As others have suggested, I wonder if there's something that she needs to tell her children.

Given that this is not something she's ever done or asked for before, it does make me think that's there's something specific behind it. Especially if she's being extremely clear that no-one other than the five children should attend.

Or MIL has sadly but undramatically accepted everyone declining and also isn't making it a big deal.

It wasn't a well put across invitation I agree. I still don't think the concept itself was inherently problematic. If she were to put out an invitation now with much more notice asking to have just her DC to lunch on 7 March 2027 I think it would rather churlish of everyone not to agree to that

Well clearly as all the adult children have declined, the do think it’s a big deal. The MIL may have had good intentions but her execution is problematic. Very divisive. At best she’s been naive and at worst mean.

How about the siblings get together and compromise - the five of them do Saturday afternoon with their mother. Spouses who still have their own mothers go and do something with them on the Saturday with the kids.

Then the brothers all help their wives have a lovely relaxing day on the Sunday.

Sister who doesn’t have kids yet can have her mother over to her house on the Sat and have lovely bonding day over the coming baby.

Or you could reverse the days if no one is hung up particularly on the Sat vs Sun issue.

She is not your Mother, its fair enough that she wants to spend the day with her DC.
If it doesn't work for your DH he can tell her

Anyone would think this MIL has murdered a load of people. She’s invited her kids round for the afternoon 😂

Important to note that OP's DH and his 4 siblings when asked individually, all said no. It's pretty clear who's being completely unreasonable, no matter how many horrible MIL defenders are on this thread on the wind up.

Yes, I am being simplistic although I didn't say mothers of only sons, I said mothers of sons. So you are a mother to a son and a daughter. I admit I'm being simplistic but we are all aware that instances such as this Mother's Day event, or 15th March 2026 as you put it, do not come out of thin air.

Yes, correct. For this one time. So still no big deal really