MIL planning her own party and didn’t invite me!

She's very unreasonable to dictate time, plans etc when this is a day when other mothers in the family may wish to celebrate in a way which is appropriate to their life stage.

She hasn't 'asked' OP's DH to see him for a bit on Mother's Day, she's made plans which exclude his wife (the mother of his children) and will leave her at home alone with the kids (which is probably quite hard work and isn't in any way special), knowing that her mother has passed away, taking up a big chunk of the middle of the day so they can't - for example - have a day out as a family.

He's declined these plans because he already has plans to celebrate his children's mother, who will probably be grieving her mother on this day .

OP's DH sounds great tbh. Good for him.

Her kids are 6, 9 and 11. She’s not going to be ‘seeing’ them. She’s going to be looking after them, entertaining them, feeding them and clearing up after them, while her DH is swanning off to have a lovely relaxing afternoon with tea and cake and no parenting responsibilities. He has children of an age where he is needed to facilitate their celebration of their mum and that takes priority over afternoon tea with his own mum.

OP, your MiL is insane.

I know. I can only conclude they’ve just common her to argue the other way deliberately

Oh don’t be ridiculous - her children are grown now and will be with their own families

sounds like an end of life crisis - rather than mid life to me

Very self centred and you can bet she’ll want more than 1-2 hours

i cant believe that she has five children none of which don’t have children and wife’s of their own

when you have young dc that’s the mum who gets focussed on for Mother’s Day, the one who rarely gets a break. Thats how my mum works! This is super rude and my dh wouldn’t go either.

I have 3 adult kids and 6 grandchildren.

I don't see an issue either tbh. It's a few hours

My own DD is often working mothers Day ( like many mothers) She gets the " fuss" either before or after work

She’s her MIL though

people who can’t see the problem are just…well I don’t know

This

Yes we can tell your child free..

complete lack of understanding

It’s fairly obvious I would have thought

the partners are mothers too - and their partners will be needed at home!

I actually think she wants a child-free day. Excluding partners makes this happen without actually having to say so.

Don't blame her really.

If I'm right, she's a very clever lady.

Yea but not take them away from their own families and supporting his wife on Mother’s Day!

One women maternity is not more special or better than others. She wants the attention of her grown up kids, is up to them if she has it or not.
As DIL you can make plan for the same day to celebrate your own mother day with your kids and husband and that is fine.
In theory, I don't see anything wrong in planning a meal only with her grown up kids on mother's day well in advance to book that day. Difficult to materialize, yes because every household with kids will have already plans. A bit OTT, maybe. Wrong and ridiculous, I don't think so.
She may well be an attention seeker or a standard woman who happen to want a dinner with her kids on their own for once.
OP, you and your husband know her best.

Why can't she have a peaceful morning and evening though

@MynameisJune are you expecting your DC to live near you forever so they would be at least be able to spend a few hours with you

I think it's fine for her to want a catch up with just her children but not on Mothers day itself!!

But the children in this case haven’t been invited have they? So as per the OP’s post, DH is invited to afternoon tea with his Mother and OP is home with her kids. So no peaceful afternoon for the OP at all.

Asking spend time with just her kids isn’t making her daughter in law feel unwelcome. And anyone who thinks that way has a problem, and it’s not the mother in law.

Seeing as the OP has 3 kids, the eldest being 11 I’d bet the mil is in her 60’s. Do you think she might be looking at the number of years she has left, in good enough health to be active and able, and maybe she’s thinking she should do somethings now before the option isn’t on the table anymore?

I know mumsnet hates MiL’s and god mine has had her moments and we don’t get along that much. But I can still understand why as a mother she’d want to see her kids, alone, for a few hours on Mother’s Day sometimes.

Well she's making it pretty clear she doesn't like you unfortunately.

When your children are older and have their own families they come as a package. She should see you as part of her family and well, as a daughter in law. The fact your own mother has died makes this even worse.

My MIL would probably invite me over her son, it wouldn't even enter her mind to try and exclude me from a family celebration.

Considering it isn’t the full day, I’d certainly hope that I’d be able to ask them to without being labelled crazy or a narcissist. I’d also hope that they’d have enough love and respect for me that they’d also want to spend time together just us.

My parents are elderly now, the amount of mothers days/fathers days that I have left with them is low double digits if I am incredibly lucky. If my mum wants to see me alone I can do that. I see my kids every day. Same as DH if his mum asked.

I'd just laugh it off... I have younger kids, and sometimes it's nice to see them just on their own without their DP. Don't you have your own DM to see? After all, its Mothers Day, not MIL's Day....

What usually happens for Mothers day?

This. I'm a grandmother now. I hope mummies with children are spoilt on this day. They're doing the work now. I've my own happy memories

You don’t think that @ImaMothertoo‘s dh should be helping his children celebrate their mother, rather than going off without his wife or children to his mum’s party, @aBuffetofunreasonableness?

Or maybe her MIL could have planned a party that celebrated all of the mums - any her daughters and daughters in law who are mums - as well as herself?

I am a MIL and I know that ds1’s wife absolutely takes priority on Mother’s Day - I wouldnt dream of organising a party for Mother’s Day and excluding my DIL!