MIL planning her own party and didn’t invite me!

Mother’s Day is a full day. Afternoon tea is only probably for a few hours. Surely there is time for adults to both spend time with their partner and their mother.
If I was asked what I would like for Mother’s Day time with my children would be high on the list.

😂

Strange "proudly childfree" comment on a mums chat site. 🤔

Mother’s Day is about spending time with your mother.
Im sorry your mum isn’t here any more but your husbands is -why shouldn’t he be with HIS mum on Mother’s Day as she won’t be here forever and you have your children with you on Mother’s Day.
It’s not called ‘husbands spending their time with their wives and kids day’.
Why shouldn’t the mother of sons have their sons with them on Mother’s Day!!

AYBU? Yes, absolutely you are - not only do you want YOUR kids with you, you want someone else’s child with you too.

Where does she live? My DD has her mother's day at home with her kids in the morning, and then my DDs and DGDs visit me in the afternoon. The sons in law are obviously welcome, but might be seeing their own mums.

If this is a tea and not a long way from you, isn't there time for you to have your day, and her to have her couple of hours?

Ofc mil should either: invite everyone, or set it the day before or weekend after if she just wants her own (adult) kids over.

OP has said her mum has died.

Is she normally so selfish and entitled? Who on earth arranges their own Mother’s Day thing with their own adult DC-some of which have their own children - and excludes partners? She hasn’t even asked, she’s just presented this as happening!
sorry OP, I think she’s rude. And particularily nasty as you don’t have your own Mother with you x

Agree, I do know some women who just spend the day with their mums, but think it's weird if you have a partner. I get that if all her kids tended to spend the day with their partner's mum, she might be fed up, but why not organise a whole family party to invite everyone.

And once again some people think differently, it’s not normal to you. It’s plenty normal to lots of us that don’t see an issue with her asking her son to spend time with her without his kids or partner.

She’s allowed to ask, he’s allowed to say no. She shouldn’t be called crazy/insane/narcissistic for doing so.

There are plenty of posts on this thread saying the Op deserves to be ‘pampered’ on Mother’s Day. My post didn’t specify that it was what the Op had said. Nor did I say the Op had said she was desperate to spend all day with her DH but given she’s mad that he might have gone out for a few hours I’d say it’s pretty obvious what her response would have been had he even thought about going with his mum.

Wouldn’t you want to be with your own mum?

OP, are you my sister in law?😂 Eerily familiar scenario. Unless these tactics are being suggested on Gransnet

A lot of assumptions there about how mothers day works - I didn’t read anywhere in the post “I desperately want to spend all of Mother’s Day with my kids because I’m not pampered at other times of the year” - in fact her husband sounds superb and gave the correct answer - no mother - because it’s so bloody obvious

who said anything about being pampered except for the MIL?

it’s normal for young families to be together and the husband to support kids to be with their mum (not wait on her hand and foot) but give her a rest and have a bit of fun

it’s not normal to summon five of your grown up children and leave out their families

probably in a minority here but my MIL would never do that, she treats me exactly the same as her actual children. I’d be upset if I was the op too.

MIL is absolutely bonkers. When does she think you will have your Mothers' Day celebration?

It’s them tiny sandwiches. They’re a bastard to make for more than 5

She's not the mother of the partners though, unless there's some weird family dynamics!

Surely he’s capable of doing both. Seems a bit odd to me that people are assuming that once your kids grow up you cease to be an important part of each others lives,

No, some of us genuinely just don’t care about being ‘pampered’ on Mother’s Day. But maybe that’s because we didn’t marry losers who only treat us nicely on one day of the year. I get plenty of lie in’s, spa days, days out as a family or just with my kids/DH that I don’t feel the need to make sure that we spend every second of Mother’s Day together.

I know it’s hard to believe, but not everyone thinks the same and it’s not just to be argumentative 👍🏻

Yes, she’s rather rude. What are you as the MOTHER to his children meant to do instead? Is she always such an arsehole? @ImaMothertoo

I don’t think YABU. I think Mother’s Day is for those currently raising young children. Obviously there’s no age where you stop being a mother but realistically MIL could celebrate at another point. I don’t have a problem with her wanting to spend some time with just her children but OP spending the afternoon looking after 3 young dc is not exactly a celebratory day.

It's crazy to tell not ask.

She told her son what she wanted, he said that he's got other plans. If she's not willing to discuss what he or his wife or their children might want on that day and find a compromise solution that works for everyone then she should expect to be turned down. Which is what's happened.

It was particularly horrible to plan this with no thought for how OP may be feeling being left alone on this day when her mother died quite recently from the sounds of it. Not nice.

It should be a celebration with all mothers together !!!!
I was asked if I wanted to go for a meal by my DH and I said ring your mum and all the kids and partners we will all celebrate together how it should b done
(That's if u all get on well thou ) 😁

This is so true. Just send him with the kids and your Mother’s Day can be one of peace for a few hours.

Rubbish. She's not invited any of the partners.

I thought it was fairly normal that mums with younger family gets a lie in and breakfast in bed plus card and gifts from the kids.
Older mum (gran) gets taken out by her kids either as a big family or by her own children.

It's not crazy if MIL - she's got 5 kids. It would be carnage with partners and young kids as well.