MIL planning her own party and didn’t invite me!

Well it's not going to be with all her children because some of those children weren't consulted about whether they wanted to do this and have other plans on that day. And of course their feelings are just as important as the MILs so no-one can complain about that.

Oh well (and good on OP's DH).

Mate, it’s a tea party.

Thats not selfish or self absorbed. It’s a single tea party with all of her children. What IS self absorbed and selfish is begrudging a mother an hour or so because you want to be pampered do the entire day.

Think of it this way. OP is in the stage of motherhood where all her children are with her every day. Yes, wanting special time with them on Mother’s Day is reasonable. But her husband isn’t her child. MiL on the other hand isn’t at that stage any more and probably doesn’t get much time with her children. Especially not all together, with just them. Why shouldn’t she be set aside a small part of Mother’s Day? In what way is that selfish? How are people this thoughtless.

The fact that you don’t want or expect that means nothing. OPs MiL has her own feelings, and they’re just as important as anyone else’s.

Poor MIL 😂 OP hasn’t said anything about monopolising the whole day. She may well have been happy to go along with DH and share the day with MIL. MIL clearly doesn’t want to share the limelight!

And tbh, I love my MIL and we see her every Mother’s Day but there’s not a chance in hell I’d accept my DH being treated to a tea party all afternoon while I sit at home solo parenting 3 young kids on Mother’s Day.

You sound so kind and considerate @saraclara
so many people on here forget that their MiLs are also mothers who love their children. The fact that you came to that conclusion without any prompting, speaks volumes of you 🩷
I hope my son meets someone like you when he grows up 😅

Utterly selfish & self absorbed
I don’t expect my DD to spend the day with me . She has her own DD now so it’s her day. I’ve had plenty of Mothers Days before she became a Mum , now it’s her turn

I agree with you. Poor MiL has invited her children round for a TEA PARTY.. not a whole day trip to a theme park, not 2 weeks in Vegas, just a little Mother’s Day tea party. And not only has her son has fobbed her off and is popping in on another day but OP has got a load of people calling her batshit.

The fact that OP is also a mum is irrelevant, she doesn’t need to monopolise the entire day. Some one on one time with her kids on mother’s day while their dad pops out to see Grandma isn’t the end of the world and is actually modelling kind behaviour.

And before the usual accusations come along, I’m not the MiL either, my children are under 10. But I’m also not heartless, and I understand that an older mother with grown up children is still a mother. We’re grown women, we should be able to share time without competing with our husbands mothers.

@MynameisJune

I guess this is where interpretation matters. Why even state she's done it early so noone else makes plans. What type of husband wouldn't make plans for his wife on Mother's Day.

You're correct, invite not a summons. But one the son has happily declined and again, it doesn't come across as if he's sad about it.

As I said previously, I just wouldn't make plans with anyone in this manner. So I can only see that it's less than ideal to arrange something that leaves OP parenting 3 very young children on a day where she'd maybe like to put her feet up.

Mother’s Day is for moms & small kids after that do as you please.

Love her spirt all the same (glad she isn’t my mil)

Presumably that’s because Mother’s Day has no relevance to you and you don’t give a shit about it. Both the OP and her MIL clearly feel differently.

I’d understand this viewpoint if the three grandchildren were invited as well, but how much rest and relaxation is the OP going to get when her DH is off having an easy adult dinner and she’s at home entertaining three primary age DC?

If you have 5 kids, having to have 5 partners and then kids as well is a big difference as to whether you can manage hosting / organising for that number. If it doesn't happen regularly I don't see the big deal, and seems a nice thing to do.

I'd be interested to know what the phone conversation actually was, and what wording she used. This is a bit of a Chinese whispers situation as we only have OP 's version of what MIL said to DH. It might even be that she's booked to hold a table temporarily while she consults with her kids on their availability.

But she's not your mother, OP! As it's a Mother's Day thing, it seems logical that she has just invited her kids. Most people would be thrilled to be let off the hook in this way, and not have to go out with the ma-in-law..... you can just stay at home in your PJs, lie on the sofa and have a drink/chocolate/whatever. Result!

If you read the first post the op says ‘mil called DH today to INVITE him’ so it wasn’t a summons or a demand as people have claimed on this thread. She told him she’d arranged it early so the partners had notice and it wasn’t last minute. Which again isn’t unreasonable. But it was an invite that the op’s DH was clearly able to turn down.

Yeah, that's exactly like having time to sit in a calm environment and have quality time with the five people she loves most. And which there would never be the opportunity to do unless she arranges it. Normal life is never going to give her that space.

Yes, it should have been a question "this is what I'd really like to book for the six of us, are you available?" but it's really not unreasonable.

My in-laws lived nearly three hours away, and it eventually dawned on me that they never got their son to themselves. Due to the distance, we'd go up regularly for a few days as a family, but that's very different. So I encouraged my DH to go up on his own occasionally.
I adored my MIL, so it wasn't a cop-out on my part. But I recognised that she loved him every bit as much as I loved my kids. And that it would be nice for her (and my FIL when he was alive) to have him to themselves.

Nope, a mother of 2 young kids and who solo parents a lot due to DH’s job. Still don’t have an issue with my DH seeing his mum alone on Mother’s Day.

The person I quoted said MD was extra special for some people who had struggled to conceive or had lost their mum. My point being that maybe the op’s mil had also suffered those things so the day is extra special to her?

In my family this would be fine. About once a year us three adult kids go out for lunch or an afternoon tea with Mum. It's lovely for her and we really enjoy it. No harm in leaving the spouses and children at home occasionally. It's a different dynamic without them. I think you're making a fuss about nothing and being mean op.

I can't see the relevance of any MiL's putative miscarriage or struggle to conceive, given that by definition she has become a mother. I had two miscarriages thirty years ago, it's never once occurred to me for a moment that that entitles me to extra attention from my children now. It's lovely to see them or hear from them on the day, but I certainly expect them to prioritise being with their own children.

There's a difference between "I would like to do this, are you free?" and "I have arranged all this with expectations that you will leave behind your partner's and have not checked if you have plans."

I think, if I'm correct, that's the sentiment driving the negativity towards MIL. Not that fact she wants to have quality time with her children or to feel special as a Mum.

Well. For me there's a big difference anyway. I wouldn't make any plans with anyone like this!

The fact that they should prioritise spending Mother's Day with their own children and/or with their children's mother?

For anyone who doesn’t get it, especially if you don’t have children: the whole point of contemporary Mother’s Day is for mothers of small children to be , for one day a year, pampered and given a break. Everything else is secondary to that. I’m not bothered about Mother’s Day now my kids are grown up, but I was really really bothered about it when my children were tiny and I was exhausted and doing everything. The mothers of small children get priority. All other mothers rank after this in priority . Any MIL who doesn’t get that is selfish. Surely everyone here knows this really and some here are just being goady.

And what about if the MIL had struggled to conceive, or has sadly had a miscarriage?

Some of us just think it’s not the worst thing in the world that a mother would want to see her children alone for a few hours. And for people to come on here calling her entitled/selfish/narcissistic/insane just seems like a massive overreaction to something that isn’t even going to happen.

Do you say that to your friends when they have a month old baby too? That you’re all mums and they need to get over themselves?

it is a very different life stage to have babies and young children to grown up adults.

Yes, I said posts ago I thought it was far more funny that rude or offensive.

If she wants a big fuss that's fine. If OP wants a big fuss there's fine too but it creates a conflict. For me there would be no conflict because I wouldn't care.

The point is I don't think wife trumps mum for the man in the scenario and it's completely reasonable that he prioritises his actual mother on mother's day if he wants to.