To be discontent in my marriage because DH never takes the children out?

My dad did barely anything with me apart from taking me to garden centres. I was determined not to do the same with my kids.

Play the song Cats in the cradle by Harry Chaplin and tell him to listen to the lyrics. Great song and pertinent lyrics

So you don't want to go out. You want your DH to take the kids out. But you want him to want to do that and do it without you telling him what you want?
Just tell him you need him to take the kids out so you can have a break. You've said he plays with them in the garden so it seems a bit extreme for you to assume that he would not take them out if you asked. If he was the type to be completely switched off from his DC I could maybe understand you not bothering but there's no reason to not ask him.

The first step is to tell him what you need and what he needs to do to facilitate that. There's literally no point complaining about it here when you haven't even asked him. If you ask and he says no or just doesn't do it then your next step is to point out that you need equal down time and establish how much each of you gets. Then, if he still won't, it becomes a different conversation.

Maybe he'll surprise you. You don't know until you ask.

The going out would be to induce him to go out and eventually enable you to be at home alone.
The alternative would be asking him and saying that you need e.g. 2 h per week at home alone. But probably that’s not an option otherwise you would have done it already.

I would also find it hard not to have any alone time in the house! It's the only time you have total privacy, solitude and rest.

Agree he should do it sometime - if only to give you a break.

Maybe a set time every two weeks?

Yeah, I get that. I used to tell him I needed a break and was going upstairs to read/watch tv and he needed to keep the kids away. Didn't always work. And at this age, it was a bit easier - he'd take them to softplay or whatever sometimes.

So I think this is because you aren't enjoying the working part time and therefore the days you don't work I assume you have the kids alone, therefore it doesn't seem fair. If you generally don't take them out alone on the weekend either then I think you both need to give each other a break by doing this. I don't think he is being a lazy father, rather it is not necessary.
Especially when they were young I much preferred taking the kids out with the two of us and saw weekends as family time. So maybe he doesn't realise you want time away from them - especially as you say you haven't really communicated this.

which is a perfectly legitimate need.

My Dh was never great about taking them both out at the same time and to be fair, with a 4 year age gap, it was often hard to take them both out together. But he was totally fine with me leaving them both at home with hi so that I could get some downtime. Even though ild have loved a bit more downtime AT HOME.

I think it's fine to say to him please could you take the kids to the park for a couple of hours this weekend cos I need a break. But be prepared to do the same if he asks.
But why not go out in the evening once or twice a week once they are in bed? The gym? Cinema ( on your own is bliss!!) .. Or with girlfriends?

I think a lot just go ahead with it because it ‘keeps the woman happy’. And the women either don’t see, or can’t see, that he’s basically not really that invested.

Go out yourself and start leaving him at home; also make sure he clears up any mess that results from them being at home. He might start to see the benefit of getting them out of the house in terms of using energy and avoiding mess.
Alternatively or as well as this, ask him whether he thinks kids need fresh air and how many times a week they should go out. If he says four times, say great, which day do you want to do your two times?

I figured out with my DP the thought of "what to do for lunch" was the thing that was stressing him out about days alone with DD. We had a conversation about it. We planned, I sent him to shop with a list of what to buy for packed lunch and then I made a packed lunch for them both. Divide and conquer. And he headed out the door the next morning with DD feeling confident and happy with the planned day, and I got some peace.

I know some people might say "what an idiot, you shouldn't have to make a packed lunch for a grown man and he should be able to do that for his daughter" but...like many things in bringing up a child its about you both working to your strengths and helping the other out. Identify the barrier thats holding the other person back and help them with it. He then spends the day doing nice things with her (no problem in that regard) knowing he's got lunch sorted. There's other stuff he does that I don't get involved in that make my life easier. Play to your strengths.

Try and find out what the root issue is thats stopping him. Does he not like crowds / noise etc? Could he be tasked then with taking the kids to the library once a week to change their books? Something that becomes "his thing" with them that they do together.

More context is needed. Do you both work full time? Do you both get equal leisure time?
Do you take the kids out alone when you are both home?

Do you go out without them?

I mean, we can’t make that happen……. You’re married and have chosen to have children with this man. Make him listen to you.

How old are they, OP? Mine are 4 and 2 and I have to admit that neither DP nor I would particularly go out of our way to take both of them out on our own. They tend to have competing needs and choose the same moment to be clingy. If I took them both to soft play the 4 yo would want me to play with him and the 2yo would need constant supervision and they definitely 100% would not want to play together. At the park, the 2yo would only want to go on the swing and stay on it the whole time, and the 4yo might be fine and go off and play by himself, or he might nag me to play with him, complain about the 2yo swing thing, and then have a meltdown. I'm not saying I couldn't handle those things, more that there's a good chance at least one of us wouldn't be having any fun. Whereas those types of outings are lovely as a family.

If DP or I want time alone, we'd probably rather go out and leave the other parent home with the kids.

I think it’s time to book yourself a solo holiday for at least a week and if he complains say it’s because he obviously needs an opportunity to upskill his parenting without you.

Have you communicated this to him?