To be discontent in my marriage because DH never takes the children out?

My ex was like this. I left him and now he takes our son out every weekend!

Yup, lack of initiative

Very unappealing

So he is good with them in your own environment? He will sit on the floor and play with them happily or kick a ball etc in the garden? Does he tidy up and keep the place organised and the kids clean? Is that right - he can be trusted indoors with the kids?
If so then I think you might need to compromise by going out to get a break from the kids and leaving him to it. If he finds it easier to spend time with them at home then the bonds are still being established. It’s just a bit inconvenient that you don’t have an empty house - and I get that. But you might have to take a different break in the steam room or the cafe or the library or wherever. It all helps to decompress as long as there is a responsible adult at home.

This thread is so sad.

Sounds like its more about you getting child free time. If you want alone time then go out alone. Set a regular time/s to do so, could be anything to go for a walk, gym, see a friend. Define your time for you.

I don’t want any of my parents or in laws stuff , I tell my mum not to buy stuff as it will all end up in the skip when my parents pass, I also told her about Swedish death cleaning !!!

Mine is like that too. I'm chronically ill and need down time, particularly during holiday time but he won't take them out. I have to go and stay at my parents to get a break. It's infuriating that I have to do all the organising........
Or he'll only take one child, and moans if he has to have both, even though he doesn't think twice about me having to have both at the same time....

Classic gaslighting

As well as your need (which is important enough on its own), I think it's particularly important for dad's to have time alone with their kids. So they have time building that relationship and being solely responsible. I'm sure it's good for the kids too to have solo time with both parents.

Well maybe you need to talk to him about the other issues. As based on this I don't think there really is a big issue. You don't like taking the kids out alone neither does he. So unless you both compromise and speak about both needing a break then nothing will change.

This strikes me as things coming up the form of “you never do X/ you always do Y” rather than trying to be constructive.

Even this post, your DH never takes the kids out alone on the weekends. But down the line you admit neither do you really.

He’s not going to know until you ask, you need to just say “I need a mental break after this week can you take the kids out sat morning”. Given he plays with them and engages with them like any good father it doesn’t actually seem like this would be met with resistance. However it’s equally your responsibility to take yourself out at times if you want a break because it is easier to have the house available if you’re the one looking after the kids.

Does he realise he’s missing out on the good stuff or does he think he’s cleverly dogging a bullet.

This is not a mature adult suggestion but could you trick him? So book tickets for a family day out (ideally something that can’t be rescheduled) but tragically come down with a terrible illness on the day - headache will do - and it’s not fair for the kids to miss out just because their mum is ill, so off you all go… and then you nurse your headache/chill at home. Might that work?

You could also deploy this for an upcoming family event on his side, if there is one suitable - he can take the kids while you get over sudden mystery food poisoning.

I feel I should explain that I used to have to think like this with a terrible ExH, but my DP is amazing and often takes the kids out on adventures that I get jealous hearing about! Yes, that includes his stepchild, who is old enough to wonder why Dad can’t do the same…

You don't need to have a discussion on it, that can turn into right and wrong. You just make the request. I do think it's potentially unfair to be angry with him about something he might not even realise you want.

If he refuses then the issue isn't if you are being unreasonable because he won't take them out, it's whether you are unreasonable to be discontent because he doesn't not respect your needs, or takes you seriously. And then you are not unreasonable.

Resentment leads nowhere good OP, if you want to stay married and think this can be worked out then you need to make an effort to do that.

Five and two are difficult age to take out on your own. I don't blame your husband.
As PP says it is very difficult no matter what you think of - softplay, shop, playgorund or swimming.

This.

I think your later posts present a very different picture from the impression you gave in your opening post.

I think YABU in that he does play with them in the garden, and does go out and about with you as a whole family. It seems the issue is that he doesn't read your mind and somehow 'know' you want him to take them out and leave you at home without them as of course many posters would be offended by if their dh wanted to take the dc places without them.

This doesn't sound like a dh problem so much as a 'you not communicating' problem.

We had an only but DH would take them out so I could have a break. Tell him you need a break and then tell DC that daddy is going to take them to park, soft play, cafe etc then go upstairs and leave him to it!

So he's deliberately ignoring your wellbeing and doesn't care about you (or kids, who deserve a rested, rounded mum)? What a charmer.

I mean, it was a bit tongue in cheek. But you've said you've not asked. So you seemingly aren't about to express what you need? I assume you know words, so why can't you ask him? Because you think he won't listen to you?

Why won't it happen? I don't understand. Does he not want to spend time with them?

I've said to my husband before 'i'm feeling knackered, could you take DD to the park for an hour or so' and off he trots

Can you not ask him to plan an outing per weekend and you'll do the same? Or every other weekend?

You deserve time to recharge in whatever way works for you (finances allowing!!). I'd suggest he takes them one weekend morning a month at least to give you a lie in and chill, maybe bringing back lunch so you don't have to think about that either.

"DH, I need some time alone - can you take the kids to the park/ soft play/ your parents/ the zoo/ Mars" - try that. If the answer is negative you aren't being unreasonable, but it seems to me odd to be discontent about something you can do something about.