To say im on maternity leave not house wife leave

Maternity leave is why women end up becoming the ‘domestic manager’ in even previously very equal relationships. It’s like a 1950s factory reset takes place because you are at home… then when you go back to work trying to establish new routines is incredibly difficult.

Two things from your post:

• tasks and routines: give him the jobs he needs to do now. Don’t let him fall into the habit of not contributing
• time. A huge frustration for me on Mat leave was my zero freedom, while DH did whatever he liked. So to your example, when WFH would announce going for a run. They do not see that you can’t just do this, and how annoying it is they can - and that actually if they have free time wfh… that should be also used to support you, not just for them.

The latter in particular they just don’t get. It’s impossible to unless you have been 24/7 ‘primary carer’ for a bay. He will think you’re on Mat leave so have loads of time… not realising there is no escape from the baby.

Everyone I know goes through this phase, it’s not al, just keep discussing it.

This is the point that at which if you don't swing things back in the other direction, the status quo for the rest of your relationship will be set.

It's very common. Yes, he thinks he's hit the jackpot basically. All the boxes ticked, wife, 2 kids, house, socks washed, dinner on the table at 5.30, lots of free time for relaxing pursuits. It's the blueprint.

He should help out but he has a job and you haven't at the moment. If you can afford it get a cleaner.

"DH wfh and has a lot of downtime which he will spend lazing about / going to the gym etc "

Tell him you're not doing it all any more.
Point out how much downtime he has.
Tell him you want time to go to the gym (or whatever your thing is) and that he has to pick up the slack so you can do that.
Set boundaries.

Stick to them.
Why is he such a lazy bastard, willing to let his wife carry the burden even though she's told him she needs support?

He's getting away with what he can get away with.

Don't tolerate it.

Did you not have a conversation before the baby?

If you don't nip it in the bud now, and have a very sincere, very frank chat.

Your lead points are:
We both need to have the same amount of downtime, so if you get a couple of hours to yourself, so do I.
I can see that we are struggling to keep a balance here, how do we want to split the jobs up initially? Let's review in a month to make sure things are still balancing out.

Also in maternity leave here, and I would agree that the fact he works from home is probably adding to your frustration. My DH is out of the house full time so I don’t mind being the one doing the majority of the washing etc but I also know when I go back to work, he will be back to doing his share of washing and the likes (my 2nd mat leave). I think it also depends on what he’s doing with his free time. When DH gets home from work, he wants spend his time with the kids, whereas I want a break from them and enjoy cooking so this set up works for us.

DH recently suggested to get a cleaner again because even though I’m off, I just can’t face cleaning bathrooms constantly. He doesn’t want to spend his weekend doing it either - that’s fine, so cleaner it is. Maybe this is a conversation you could have if affordable?

What was your husband like before you were pregnant?? Did he pull his weight around the house? If he's always left the home to you, or a very large chunk of it, then nothing was likely to change by you being on maternity leave. If he used to pull his weight, and since you've been maternity leave, has stopped, then he sees you being at home, being the default person for all household chores.

Regardless of the reason, you need to sit down and calmly explain that you being on maternity leave, doesn't mean he can absolve himself of all household/parenting responsibilities. You need to tell him what your expectations are now and going forward. Unfortunately, a lot of men see maternity leave as their wife/partner lazing around at home!! Ridiculous? absolutely. It's bonding time with your child, to rest/recuperate from giving birth and getting yourself into a routine.

I've seen this too often Op, new DM ends up doing nearly everything on maternity leave and by the time they return to work their DH / DP have got used to it and expect it to continue. If he works from home then outside of work hours he needs to pull his weight. Sort it out Op or you'll start to really resent him and that kills relationships