To say im on maternity leave not house wife leave

“DH, your penis played a minimal role in bringing DC into the world, and frankly isn’t significant/big enough to excuse you from undertaking at least 50% of the parenting and domestic duties. You’ll be doing it all when I am back at work and travelling, so you’d best get into the routine now so it’s easier for you and DC when that happens.”

You need to nip it in the bud now.

When your DH is wfh, I don’t think you should hold any resentment to him being at home but not helping out - he is at work after all.

When he is not in his working hours everything should be 50-50 parenting / housework AND downtime. You should both get a break each week to do hobbies, see friends, have a bath - whatever. Equal time.

I think not working and being on maternity leave it is fair, especially as baby is a bit older now to pick up housework whilst you’re not working but certainly shouldn’t be doing ALL of the housework and childcare 24/7.

My DH worked away during the week when we had DD and he did more domestic stuff than I did!

My job was keeping me and baby alive. Not housekeeping.

DH explicitly said to me ‘there’s no point spending mat leave cleaning. You may as well go back to work and pay for a cleaner if you do that.’ Which is a good way to look at it I think.

Good call, move all life admin to the weekends, then he can’t say he’s busy working.

It’s absolutely relevant that you mention that you are the higher earner, because men weaponise their Very Big, Very Important jobs all the time to get out of doing their share with children and the house. You should get back to your paid job ASAP.

Disagree.
It is not OP's place to "give him jobs". She is not his manager. They are equal adults.
If she 'gives him a job' that means she has
first noticed the job needs doing,
second decided when it should be done,
and third decided he should be the one to do it.
None of that crap should be taking up her headspace.

The way forward is to agree broad 'areas of responsibility' in the house and let each person manage their own stuff in their own way in their own time.

Your job is now the baby. The house is still a shared responsibility.

Stop calling it ‘help’. Domestic labour is not solely your responsibility. You want him to do his share. His doing so is not him ‘helping’ you.

Language is important.

I’m the sort of person who cannot relax amongst mess

So he has you over a barrel.
He can opt out, because you pick up the slack.

You can't nag him into being a tidy person who cleans stuff.
There are three options:
1 You accept living at his standards and learn how to turn a blind eye.
2 You clean to your own standards and learn how to deal with the resentment.
3 Or you split up.

Assuming you don't want to split up, there are a few strategies that might help:

One - don't monitor who does what jobs, monitor down-time. Make sure you get equal leisure time to go out, or time sitting on the sofa looking at screens.
If necessary, take it to extremes: when he is sitting on the sofa, you sit too. If he asks when is dinner, you say "shall we look in the fridge make something?", then don't get up off the sofa until after he does.

Two - don't be the primary parent. This means letting go of the reins. Let him do it his way, don't micromanage. Go out and leave him with the baby, without a list of instructions of what to do or not to do. Let him decide what to feed baby or if baby needs a bath. He will work it out.

Three - don't be the default parent. This means at weekends and in the evening (i.e. not during the working day) he has to check with you first before he can make plans to go elsewhere or be involved in something not-baby-friendly (like cleaning out the garage). He can't just go ahead without checking with you first that you are free to do the childcare.
Point out to him every single time he has gone somewhere or started a task and just assumed that you will be on childcare duty.
If he persists, just get up one morning and go out without any warning - leave a note on the kitchen table or send a text to say you have gone for a walk and will be back "later". Let him experience the feeling of suddenly being stuck with the baby with no notice and having to change his plans. If he doesn't get the message, repeat as needed.

Four - don't give him bits of jobs, give him the whole area of responsibility. So you don't say 'can you put a wash on' - either all laundry is his area, or it is yours. Or you don't say 'remember to buy loo roll' - either household supplies are his area or yours. You are not his manager to hand out tasks as and when.
This means a sit-down discussion where you agree who does what - laundry, bins, car stuff, food shopping, other shopping, cooking on certain nights, dishwasher, cleaning bathrooms, garden, etc.
Then most importantly, you don't tread on his territory. You leave his areas of responsibility to him, and let him fail, without stepping in. Grit your teeth, bite your tongue, you don't get involved if it is his responsibility.

I would love a cleaner but can’t afford it at the minute maybe when I go back…
🤭
Maybe he can take on this role...at say 3 hrs a week twice a week deep cleaning, obviously ontop of sharing other household duties. to make up some of the differential between your wages.
Be aware that this is exactly what would happen if the roles were reversed. If not more.
So try this as your starting point for negotiation, or even push it further if you want to end up in this position.

Then why is she getting paid from it?

Maternity leave does not make you unemployed. That like saying you’re unemployed while on annual leave or recovering from an operation.

OP is currently employed therefore she has a job, it’s a fact not an opinion.

Still getting over the borth 5 months later? The op does not have a job

You both live there, you are both parents, you both work full time. Therefore there is no justification for you doing more, having less free time etc and other peoples set ups are irrelevant - just because his mates Dave and Pete are lazy twats is no reason for you to pick up his share of housework. I'd be telling him that if I have to remind and nag the resentment and change of relationship dynamic to parent / child will kill our relationship

Not correct at all - OP is on Mat leave - her ‘job’ is to recover from the birth and look after the baby!! All other tasks should be shared between OP and DH in a way that works for both of them.

You need to give him jobs to do in the house and keep him busy, don’t put up with being the default cleaner / housemaid

He doesn't struggle to understand it, because it doesn't suit him to. He doesn't care.

You need to stop yourself from ever using the phrase "helping out" ever again. That implies it's your job to do it all.

Suggest that you hand the baby over and just leave the house to go to the gym or whatever. Don't discuss it, just go.

If that's what he does, it isn’t a problem is it?

Sounds like it should be 50/50. Tell him to step up or get out to work.

She has a job, she’s on maternity leave. It’s a temporary leave from her job for a very specific thing.
Would your DH be doing all the housework because he was on sick leave for a week and therefore not working?

I generally didn’t do significantly more housework while on mat leave. I was on mat leave to care for a very young baby, the house was both responsibilities.

If you do everything on mat leave you’ll continue to do everything while back at work too imo.

I would be very annoyed if I felt like you OP. I’m currently on maternity leave but me and my partner very much treat it as if my full time job is looking after the baby. Neither of us used to do cleaning during the days when we worked full time (mainly office based), we shared it all and did it at the weekends or possibly evenings. So why would I be expected to suddenly do this now whilst also looking after the baby?! Luckily my partner very much recognises how little free time I actually have while having the baby constantly in my care. I do take full responsibility for doing all the little one’s laundry, and I do empty the dishwasher every day otherwise the dishes would be piling up, but that’s it. I wouldn’t even dream of getting the hoover out or cleaning the bathroom when I could be spending time with my little one instead.

Since having our baby my partner tries to WFH one day a week, but doesn’t always manage it. On those days he uses his extra hours at home and his lunch break to spend time with me and our baby.

Her job is childcare for their baby. Do you know how much it costs to hire a full time nanny for a 5mo?? That would not include life/house admin either.

How does a day normally run?

If you foodshop during the working day then it's reasonable that you would pack it away because he's working.

So move that to the weekend.

You shop, he looks after the kids.
You unpack, he looks after the kids.
He finishes work, you cook, while he looks after the kids.

I wouldn't even raise it with him again, just shift it into the weekend and once he realises that his weekends are filling up, book a few days out - lunch with your mum, a hair appointment, seeing a friend.

Get rid of the sacred idea of weekends are family time. You literally have time in the week woth your babies. If DH doesn't want to do stuff in the week to make weekends for family time, then he gets his time woth the kids then. Shame he can't prioritise better but that's not your job to organise.