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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS dating 20 year age gap

42 replies

Takeachanceagainsttheodds · 26/02/2026 00:44

Weird one for me…. DS started dating an older woman a few months ago by 20 years - he’s mid twenties. Now I’ve been totally accepting/ taken in my stride as I was with his dad (married) 20 years before he passed 15 years ago and we also had an age gap. I was in my 20s he was in his 40s when we got together so I said to DS well I can’t judge I’ve no leg to stand on! Yes she’s nice, friendly etc….but I do still feel a bit weird about it. Maybe it’s because I know there will never be a future involving grandkids due to her age but also as she’s only 7 years younger than me I know what a bitch peri menopause can be and I don’t want him going through that at home as well as when he’s at hers!
I’ve a feeling it’s a bit of infatuation and will fizzle out eventually so am I best to keep on being quiet as I have done so far and let things take their course? On the other hand would love to point out potential pitfalls before he falls too deep but I don’t want to be ‘that’ mum …. AIBU just to let him live his life and not get involved?

OP posts:
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Didimum · 28/02/2026 11:16

I can understand it taking you by surprise, and I can understand the discomfort. However you need to check yourself on comments regarding fertility and peri menopause.

LlynTegid · 28/02/2026 11:15

To those who thought it inappropriate to talk about contraception, whilst it may seem difficult to do, I think it is valid. A 20 something man may have grown up seeing porn with the expectation that sex should be without condoms.

Sunshineismyfavourite · 28/02/2026 11:12

You let him be. He's not introduced her to his friends you said, so perhaps he is just taking it for what it is - a fun relationship with a woman who he shares a hobby with. I think you're jumping the gun here OP talking about long term relationship and children etc.

But, either way there is nothing you can do and I don't think you should be offering him unsolicited advice about perimenopause either!

EmeraldShamrock000 · 28/02/2026 03:27

mjf981 · 28/02/2026 03:20

Well if he continues to follow Emmanuel Macron's path he may end up prime minister one day!

Edited

Macron was 14. Grooming minors is against the law these days.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 28/02/2026 03:25

I would definitely discuss this with my child.
I would be really uncomfortable with this if it was my son or daughter.

mjf981 · 28/02/2026 03:20

Well if he continues to follow Emmanuel Macron's path he may end up prime minister one day!

JMSA · 28/02/2026 02:54

No normal woman in her right mind would want a man that young.

MonsteraDeliciosa · 27/02/2026 20:41

I'd not be too enthusiastic about this, however I'd keep my mouth shut and wait for it to fizzle out, which it will.

I don't like the misogynistic "perimenopausal women should be avoided" crap I'm seeing on this thread, though. Absolutely reprehensible.

MandemChickenShop · 27/02/2026 20:41

Many a fine tune played on an old fiddle. Your son is happy and healthy, let him be and be grateful!

MyLimeGuide · 27/02/2026 20:38

JHound · 27/02/2026 19:58

It is weird and it is gross. Even when Sienna Miller does it.

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I agree 20 years plus is never going to work, 10 yrs gap max i think...for any kind of long term relationship

BlackCat14 · 27/02/2026 20:34

On the other hand would love to point out potential pitfalls before he falls too deep

What pitfalls would you like to point out that he genuinely wouldn’t have already thought of himself? He’s not stupid. He knows what he’s doing surely. Leave him to it!

JHound · 27/02/2026 19:58

Crushed23 · 26/02/2026 13:28

Absolutely bonkers comments as usual on threads like this. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a mid-40s woman and a twentysomething man dating. It happens all the time. Sienna Miller and her boyfriend aren’t “gross”, they’re a couple who are clearly very into each other despite the age gap.

It is weird and it is gross. Even when Sienna Miller does it.

outerspacepotato · 27/02/2026 19:41

This means he does still see his own friends but he’s not introduced her to them or even told them about their relationship.

Her not meeting his friends or him telling them he's dating someone is unusual a few months into a relationship. Is he hiding his relationship with her?

SALaw · 27/02/2026 19:32

CharlotteRumpling · 26/02/2026 08:42

I would hate this. And not because of grandkids. I think this woman is weird and the power imbalance wonky.

Luckily DS, 22, thinks anyone above 40 is Methuselah!

More weird than the OP’s late husband?

SALaw · 27/02/2026 19:31

MyLimeGuide · 26/02/2026 08:23

How awful for you. Im sure it wont last dont worry try to remove yourself emotionally from the situation xx

Awful for her when she had a similar age gap? Why awful for her?

Inmyuggs · 27/02/2026 19:16

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Middleagedspreadisreal · 27/02/2026 19:11

I applaud your restraint

Crushed23 · 26/02/2026 13:28

Absolutely bonkers comments as usual on threads like this. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a mid-40s woman and a twentysomething man dating. It happens all the time. Sienna Miller and her boyfriend aren’t “gross”, they’re a couple who are clearly very into each other despite the age gap.

Whatnameisif · 26/02/2026 12:58

I would feel weird about this, which is hypocritical of me because my family is full of unusual age gap relationships. And I also have many friends 20 years younger than me and I have plenty in common with them.

I'd be keeping quiet but secretly hoping it fizzled out.

Fairlydust · 26/02/2026 12:46

In my twenties I met someone ten years older. I look back and cringe. If I’d been told not to do it I would probably have carried on longer. I think he will learn op. As will she they can’t have much in common. But sometimes big age gaps do work. I would offer small snippets of conversation if he was my son just to keep talking and make him think it through!

Miranda65 · 26/02/2026 12:41

He is an adult, OP, so you absolutely don't say anything. You make any partner he has feel welcome in your home.

As a grown up, he is perfectly capable of navigating any issues there may be. Perhaps this woman is destined to be the perfect wife for him?
And this "no grandchildren" thing is a red herring, because you have no way of knowing whether any younger partner would want/be able to have children.

TheFilliesWillRiseAgain · 26/02/2026 12:39

There is something tragic about a woman in her 40s going out with a man in his 20s.. least it's unlikely to last

Fezzanan · 26/02/2026 12:34

Endofyear · 26/02/2026 08:05

Really? He's mid-twenties not a teenager!

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Yes that's just weird 😅

Original poster
Takeachanceagainsttheodds · 26/02/2026 12:12

Thank for your responses, I’m not and never have been an interfering parent it’s their life to live and not mine so I’ve not said anything at all. They have a hobby in common which is how they met, she doesn’t live nearby so they alternate travel to see each other every month. This means he does still see his own friends but he’s not introduced her to them or even told them about their relationship. They know of her but just as a hobbies friend. Well I guess Joan Collins has been very happily married to Percy for many years now! I might drop a comment in about what age she plans to retire though 😁

OP posts:
sharkstale · 26/02/2026 11:04

Starfeesh · 26/02/2026 08:47

Gross. For you too!

Like PP said, I’d be bringing up how much you had in common with her, music and films and the like. Ask about her friends’ kids and niblings. Talk about the 90s and 00s. Simultaneously encourage DS to spend time with his mates and friends of the same age.

This 😂 I actually love this idea. Give him the ick by making him see for himself how old she is