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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell BIL to F off with his judgemental comments?

58 replies

silkyfilament · 26/02/2026 00:05

I have three children from a previous marriage of 13 years. Unfortunately that ended when he buggered off with another woman. I say unfortunately, and I suppose it was for the kids. He did me a massive favour that day though and my life has been infinitely better since.

Today I have five kids. I’m mid to late 40s now and in a solid relationship with the father of my youngest two.

The problem is his brother, who makes constant jibes about me having too many kids, like i’m damaged goods. Over the years I’ve tried to laugh it off or say something self deprecating, but he’s now started a new relationship of two months with a woman with four kids, meaning they now share 5! They are discussing crossing continents to be together (it’s giving grifter vibes to me but that’s another story) so my question is how do I now address the belittling I faced previously and the horrid comments that made me feel less than?
Would IBU to snap back now, or should I just let silence speak for me?

OP posts:
FancyNewt · 26/02/2026 01:10

No need to lower yourself. He has literally been set up by his own choice of words.i think the card idea with the carefully worded dog is perfect.

Ella31 · 26/02/2026 01:05

The way he has treated you is awful. He's nasty but I think if you were to make comments to him him about now parenting a lot of kids, you would be doing the same thing to the woman he's with that he did to you. In a way, you would be justifying his ignorant behaviour.

I think the best revenge is letting him go off into the sunset. You are in a happy relationship and have a lovely family. You have already won.

Monty27 · 26/02/2026 01:04

Enjoy your silent smugness @silkyfilament ☺
I would.

Bobbie12345678 · 26/02/2026 01:00

user1492757084 · 26/02/2026 00:48

Don't be mean. It is not a good reflection of yourself.
Just make a jokey comment in the engagement card:

Dear BIL and XX,

Congratulations on your engagement. Best wishes from us all for a great life in XXX.

And welcome to the "Too Many Kids Club"

Love X, X and C1, C2, C3, C4, & C5.
XXXXXXX

Gift of something sweet and useful that packs well.

Then resolve to never speak badly of their large family.

Oo. I like this.

user1492757084 · 26/02/2026 00:48

Don't be mean. It is not a good reflection of yourself.
Just make a jokey comment in the engagement card:

Dear BIL and XX,

Congratulations on your engagement. Best wishes from us all for a great life in XXX.

And welcome to the "Too Many Kids Club"

Love X, X and C1, C2, C3, C4, & C5.
XXXXXXX

Gift of something sweet and useful that packs well.

Then resolve to never speak badly of their large family.

ChuckJacksonHanditoverNsoul · 26/02/2026 00:37

silkyfilament · 26/02/2026 00:32

That would be magic, but I think the plan is that she and her children come here to live in the UK.

Boo!!

silkyfilament · 26/02/2026 00:32

ChuckJacksonHanditoverNsoul · 26/02/2026 00:10

Hopefully he moves and you never have to clap eyes on him again and just let DH facetime him etc

That would be magic, but I think the plan is that she and her children come here to live in the UK.

OP posts:
ChuckJacksonHanditoverNsoul · 26/02/2026 00:10

Hopefully he moves and you never have to clap eyes on him again and just let DH facetime him etc