Annoyed by lack of children’s birthday gift

To not even bring a card is a poor show

you can buy cheap ones via card factory or even draw one

some people don’t bring pressies - maybe they can’t afford to - who knows

but if your dc and the girl get on well and like each others company then that’s all that matters

I think you can get like 15 for £1 in card factory! It’s just bad manners to turn up empty handed to a child’s party, especially two years running. Even if you genuinely couldn’t afford a gift the kid could make a card, it’s just pure laziness.

Can I tell you that Caroline S didn’t bring a present to my 9th birthday party, that was in 1969. Not that I bear a grudge 😁.
Sorry op that doesn’t help you but I feel better getting it off my chest.

This is just rude, you can buy a card for 50p, doing it twice isn’t forgetful, it’s deliberate and ignorant.

Another colouring book and some pens etc isn’t really worth getting wound up over.

I agree although not expected it’s rude. This happened once at my sons birthday and it wound me up no end 😂

OK, true, and I apologise. I grew up in a council house and we always had parties at home, or later on me and two friends would do swimming and Wimpy, but I see that if you are in a really tiny flat you wouldn't be able to. I suppose it is another example of when you have more money you actually have to pay less for things (eg you can afford the better quality things that don't have to be replaced so often).

Of course you don't have to hire a whole venue - you could take four or five kids to soft play, or swimming, or bowling. Still expensive though.

This. Exactly. DC's birthday is in February. It's been freezing rain on the day of their party every year, and we've never lived anywhere with a sitting room that would hold more than two invited friends and a parent each. Some Party !
We can't afford a bigger home, but we can afford to hire a venue once a year and sort some food, a big homemade cake, and some decorations. They don't get lavish gifts, but they do get a nice party cos if you can't make a fuss of someone on their birthday, when they're a child, then really when can you?

I think it's very strange to turn up at a child's birthday party without a gift. But you shouldn't equate that with how much the party cost
The two things are separate

Has it occurred to you that some people have too small a home/an unsuitable home for a party? Not everyone has a big home.

For many, hiring a venue is the only option for a winter party. (In warmer times of the year it could be held in a park)

The fact that 47 % think you're unreasonable suggests that a lot more people don't think need to take a card and gift to a child's birthday party. Interesting! I think it's really rude but nothing trumps my experience of a mum of dd's classmate dropping her child and his two teenage siblings off at dd's party (no card or gift) and watching them eat and drink everything in sight. I kind of admire how some people do not give a shit.

The definition of a "party" is: A party is a social gathering for celebration, entertainment, or conversation, often featuring food and drinks.
Yes, I know, birthdays typically mean presents for the one whose birthday it is.
Also children are typically for sure the ones that get presents; cos they're kids.
I can't speak to why the mum didn't send her child without a card, or say, even a little token gift of some kind.
Perhaps she too has too much useless tat around and didn't want to add to the commercialism aspect and extra stuff that gets re-gifted or donated away?
Your child, I'm sure, wouldn't go without, meanwhile it's up to you if you wish to turn your child's birthday into a transactional occasion.

No daft bint about it - you don't HAVE to hire a venue, etc. Many of DS's parties were at home, with 5-10 guests and a theme -Lego, Star Wars, Octonauts. We did also have a few venue ones (soft play, bowling, Ninja) but if money was an issue I wouldn't have.

nobody is obligated to give a gift and that some families might be struggling financially - I mean exactly.

Yanbu as there is clearly a lack of effort from the parents.

A home made card, perhaps with some art work by the child added, costs nothing and is a way of showing care.

I don't have if guests don't give presents, but I would find not even going to the effort of a card quite rude. In my experience guests almost always give gifts as well to children's parties. As you say the kids get very excited receiving gifts.

You're rude, this kids mum may be rude but you are the one who chose to spend a certain amount for your childs birthday party no one else, at least they attended.
You sound a bit grabby remembering they didn't buy one last year, who does that?

I wouldn’t let my children attend a party without a card and gift. Even if the gift is a packet of sweets or something with a 99p card or homemade even. There’s no way you should turn up empty handed, it’s just fucking rude.

I would assume they either couldn't afford it or something going on at home that has made it difficult to get organised for one.

If you are able to be certain that is not the case I guess you can do the same next time it's the girl's birthday if you want to. But I'd let it go and encourage my DD to do the same..

@Gambino1726. You are not obliged to hire a venue, or just hire a cheap place - the hall I manage is £20 an hour, few sandwiches and crisps, mini sausages and make jellies in plastic cups, 99p book each plus bag of haribo, traybake cake from the supermarket. Far cheaper than party venues

You just made yourself look 100 times ruder than the parent who didn’t bring a gift.

I think it’s rude of the parents.

On the other hand, if you’re short of money, spending hundreds on a birthday party for. 9 year old is silly. You could still have made her birthday lovely and special on a smaller budget.

At the other extreme my DS went to a party when he was about 12 and the birthday girl stood at the door took presents off people as they arrived, opened them and if she deemed them not good enough, didn't let the kid into her party.

I could not do what this woman has done.... I think i might actually die of mortification
😅😅😅

Yanbu but I'd try and let it go.
The bit I wouldn't be okay with was my dds hurt so I think next year I'd prepare an extra gift in advance and quickly produce it and give it to the little girl to give to your dd.
The dd probably is sad at having no gift to give

Its normal these days, ds has had a few parties no gifts or cards noticed the same at other kids parties.. and theres me feeling stingy with a £5 note in a card 😂

Someone’s presence is always better than their presents. I’d rather someone’s child come to my DC’s party than a present.

Would I send my DC with a gift? Yes
Would I be annoyed if someone’s DC turned up without a gift? No

I do think a card is a nice token though and people are financially struggling but home made gifts cost nothing so that’s always an option if anyone wants to send a gift but has no money to do so.

This wouldn’t bother me, it’s nice the DC went to the party.