Annoyed by lack of children’s birthday gift

Remembers a party invite (and chance to offload a child) but cant remember to nip to a shop en route and put £5 in a card??

I'd love to know whether said child actually has birthday parties? If the mother is broke probably not
If they are just being stingy and do have bday parties then I would send my dc without a gift in return 🙃

Well done you for having a good brain in your head. Not everyone else will think of that because again, not everyone does the same as you do (mentioned in my previous comment), getting bits ready in case you're invited to a party but you 🫵🏼👌🏼 brilliant 😉 I actually love you a bit for doing that 🫶🏼 I'm really trying not to sound sarcastic as I'm truly not being so but whatever I seem to add just digs me a bigger hole 🫣

Thanks for the heads-up.
I didn't think 🤷🏼‍♂️🫣

I have no issue with you doing things differently. You do you and I’ll continue to do things my way. As others are free to. We do not have to agree on this 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's not about bare minimum.
Its about acceptance, compassion and inclusion. We accept everyone.

You're right, we are very different people.

My DD had a birthday party recently and no one came without a gift and we are no way affluent but the difference between you and I is that I don't and wouldn't expect everyone to come with a gift and if they did, they would still be welcome to come again.

It is not a class division - I’m quite firmly working class. It’s 100% rude to turn up with nothing, we are below the poverty line and have a box of gifts I’ve picked up as bargains ready, so my children can accept the party invites... If anything I’d assume it was the wishy washy wealthy people who might not bring a gift/ out of touch with manners. Also do your Facebook friends know you’ve shared their name, comments and profile picture on a public forum?
Your call on sharing your own - but to share others….

We are very different people. I am raising my children to have reasonable, in fact high, expectations of how they both be treated and treat others, and not to settle for the bare minimum. People will take advantage.

No I am not. I made it quite clear that if somebody really cannot afford a gift that is a different matter to somebody who can afford it but who simply cannot be bothered to buy one & wrap it. If you actually read my previous posts, I have said many times that I know loads of single mums on benefits who are some of the most generous with both their own and other people’s children.

As to your Facebook stuff- I couldn’t care less. I can cope with people having a different opinion, you are the one who cannot cope.

So selfish and entitled to expect expect expect.

I raise my children to not expect anything from anyone because if you do, you'll be very disappointed a lot in your life because not everyone does as you do. And that's ok, let them do them. Just always be kind and know who you are.

You should take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself, do I like what I see?

I think this is class division because I asked on Facebook about this and whether people would reinvite a child who didn't bring a present last time they attended the same childs party and NO ONE would single a child out just because they didn't bring a gift.

You are discriminating and quite frankly it's disgusting and although I'm sure you are far more wealthy, educated blah blah than I am, I'd still rather be me with my open heart and care for all than you with your closed cold heart and mind.

It is greedy and expecting actually to turn up to a party a host has spent a lot of time/money organising, eat their food, take a party bag, whilst not bring a gift or ever hosting back yourself. So selfish and take, take, take.

We’ll have to agree to disagree- I cannot fathom how anyone could be rude enough to not bring a gift for a young, excited child. I would never embarrass my own child like that letting them turn up empty handed as a guest. That’s not preparing them for real life…you get invited to dinner at someone’s home then you take a bottle of wine/flowers, you get invited to a wedding you take a gift, you get invited to a christening then you buy the baby a gift!

I think it’s really rude. You can get a card in the card factory for 30p and a bag of haribo for £1 so there’s no excuse really. I think we would know if a family was genuinely struggling for money and couldn’t afford anything which would be fine but for the majority it’s just rude.

I absolutely hate this ridiculous notion that people should bring presents to birthday parties. First of all, when they do, it's often tat because nobody wants that additional expense. I do bring a present because I can afford it and know it is the done thing but I wouldn't mind one bit if people didn't bring them to my child's party. I would explain to my child that some people have more money than others for extra presents and that it's nice if she gets some but that the party is a nice opportunity to spend time with her friends and not about presents. They get so much anyway, does it really matter? Yes, the mum BSing you isn't ideal but she obviously knows she should have and for whatever reason hasn't. Parties should not be transactional. You don't arrange a party in exchange for a gift - that's like charging.

Fair enough for the hitting child but to not invite someone because they didn't bring a gift the time before is just 🤯 to me

The people in my life don't do that 🤷🏼‍♂️
Maybe be more selective and not so greedy/expecting?

We've had this a few times. My son invites the same child to his party most years and he sometimes doesn't turn up at all, sometimes he does turn up but the parents never say hello. They did wave when they collected him the last time which was good or I would've been a bit concerned if he just disappeared! Anyway, he never brings a present, but I think there is more going on with that family.

Yanbu to find it odd as it is rude to turn up empty handed, or to not show up at a party you've rsvp'ed yes to, or to show up with extra children etc. But these things do happen when hosting class parties ime. I imagine secondary school parties are a lot more casual.

To add to this, it’s all part of a long list of rudeness I’ve encountered hosting parties:

• People not turning up on the day- fine if you’re ill, life happens, but to not even send a cancellation message is awful. Really disappointing for the birthday child who is looking out for their friend to arrive, and their place could be offered to someone else.
• People arriving over an hour late- I’ve paid almost £20 for your child to attend, and such lateness really throws off entertainer timings, etc.
• People turning up with uninvited siblings.
• People openly critiquing the party venue/timings/location/layout whilst gossiping with other parents in earshot of the host! So beyond rude!

Why on earth would we keep inviting rude people when plenty of others get basic etiquette: RSVP yes or no, let us know if you can’t then make it, turn up on time, only bring who’s name is on the invite, don’t moan about our child’s choice of party (it’s about a child today, not you) and yes, do bring a gift, obviously!

Yes, why should I? It’s very rude and upsetting to a young child, adults should know better. Nobody we know would ever do this. Only exception would be if a parent privately explained they could not afford to attend if not and they were genuinely destitute. Similarly, a child who was very rough and hit repeatedly two of my son’s friends at his last party- he won’t be getting an invite or upsetting anyone else this year.

You seriously wouldn't invite someone to a further event because they didn't bring a gift??

I didn't say it to be superior or anything.
It's just personal preference that my children learn from early years how not everyone thinks the same or does the same as we do and that it's ok.
Compassion, understanding, courtesy and less entitlement.

My children do not expect gifts.
They are 8 and 11 (8yr old just had a birthday party two weeks ago) and I've raised them to not expect anything from anyone ever because if you do, you'll be disappointed a lot in life because people don't necessarily do what you do and that's ok.

I have good enough manners to not say anything if somebody didn’t bring a gift, but I wouldn’t invite them again. Nobody does that here, despite many not being well off. If I genuinely thought somebody could not afford a gift that’s acceptable, but anyone can make a homemade card. I have actually found it’s people who absolutely can afford a gift who are the rudest/weirdest about basic etiquette, and I don’t gel with people who can’t be bothered.

No, it is rude. One-sided is not good, of course if somebody invites my children to play then my natural response is to teach my own children manners and said they was really kind of your friend, next time it is our turn to host them. I would never dream of continually sending my children to play at the same person’s without offering back, how incredibly rude!

You can have good manners without being a doormat or a people pleaser. Letting someone know you are displeased because they didn’t bring a present is rude. It also turns what is meant to be a celebration into something transactional. Play dates are meant to encourage friendships, not guarantee you an invite back!