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Original poster

Do you regret your divorce?

84 replies

user2466 · 25/02/2026 22:38

In the process of figuring out if I should divorce my husband. But also not sure as to whether I’ll look back and regret it which made me wonder how many people actually do regret it?

OP posts:
Boomer55 · 26/02/2026 08:49

user2466 · 25/02/2026 22:38

In the process of figuring out if I should divorce my husband. But also not sure as to whether I’ll look back and regret it which made me wonder how many people actually do regret it?

No - not once in the 25 years since. I then had 23 years with my second husband, until he died.

researchers3 · 26/02/2026 08:47

user2466 · 25/02/2026 22:48

We’ve been separated for six months and recently (about a week ago) he said he wanted us to try again even if there’s a 1% chance that things could be different this time around. But

  1. He’s awful with money to the point bailiffs have come to our house before
  2. His parents were controlling towards me and intervened in our marriage a lot and despite at one point seeing this, he now doesn’t see anything wrong with them and denies any controlling behaviour and minimises their wrongdoing
  3. He’s an avoidant when he’s called out on the above. He isn’t scared of intimacy but when he’s confronted about the above he says he feels suffocated and wants to shut the convo down or leave the room
  4. He finds it difficult to take accountability.

The reasons why I wonder if I’d regret divorce

  1. My daughter does love him and I’ll always wonder if we could’ve made it work for her
  2. He’s not a bad person, he had undiagnosed ADHD and autism until he met me and has had childhood trauma that he refuses to accept. He has learnt avoidant behaviours to survive but now he applies that to our marriage and sees everything as an attack
  3. Ive never seen evidence of any cheating or anything sinister like that

I think for a lot of people the cons outweigh the pros I guess, but I’ll always wonder what if?

Despite saying he wants to try again, he hasnt done much to try again. We went out as a family last Thursday but that was suggested by me. Apart from that he’s not really done anything. He says he’s hurt as I did do a social services referral following our separation as I felt uncomfortable sending my daughter to his parents house after how controlling they were with me and how they’ve at times over stepped the mark when it came to her. The assessment concluded that there’s no evidence of current harm towards her. He says he’s finding it hard to move past the fact that I called social services for an assessment despite the fact I clarified I did this for peace of mind given my lived experiences from living there. But he says he wants to try again?

Edited

God no. That's too many things. Yanbu. He can still be in your daughter's life and have a loving relationship with her.

simpledeer · 26/02/2026 08:44

lol! No! I regret not doing it sooner,

cupfinalchaos · 26/02/2026 08:39

I regret my marriage not my divorce.

Original poster
user2466 · 26/02/2026 08:38

Interesting responses thank you. Seems as though the general consensus is the divorce was for the best

OP posts:
GenerousGardener · 25/02/2026 23:39

Nope. Glad to see the back of him. Feel sorry for anyone that’s caught up with him now. He should have got in the bin and stayed there.

INeedAnotherAlibi · 25/02/2026 23:24

No, no regrets. Felt like I’d tried everything I could to make it worse. He made some effort to change after we split but nothing stuck and he moved on to a new woman within a couple of weeks. He doesn’t see DD at all. I’m sad he’s turned out to be such a shit Dad but DD is better off without his negativity in her life.

You separated for a reason. None of those have changed. He is who he is. He’s not motivated to change. If you get back together, he will threaten your security, your finances and your well being. I really wouldn’t.

Monty27 · 25/02/2026 23:19

No regrets just sadness for my dcs and me marrying the wrong person.

Outlawqueen · 25/02/2026 23:17

I sometimes question if I did the right thing leaving my ex husband. We didnt have kids (but had been actively trying for a long time and it wasn't happening). I think the stress of that affected me but I also struggled with his attitude towards life. He didn't ever want to do anything and I often felt really lonely in my marriage because I was always on my own if I ever wanted to get out or go anywhere. I even started to go on holidays myself. I figured I was young and this wasn't the life I wanted, particularly if we couldn't have kids. I could live with not being able to have kids with someone who would then travel and explore the world with me, but the thought of not being able to have them and then just spending our lives sitting at home pushed me over the edge.
I left and it broke him. I feel awful about that. Later I met someone else and we had kids but also travel and do fun things together. Sounds ideal but after having kids my partner's childhood trauma became apparent and certain other circumstances outwith our control happened that made life very difficult. I love my partner and he can be amazing but also hard to live and raise children with. Sometimes I think back to my ex-husband and his calmness, how he was my best friend (even if there wasn't much he intimacy and to be honest we weren't ever sexually compatible), and I wonder if I should have left him but I think the truth is, we should never actually have gotten married in the first place.

Charliede1182 · 25/02/2026 23:17

user2466 · 25/02/2026 22:48

We’ve been separated for six months and recently (about a week ago) he said he wanted us to try again even if there’s a 1% chance that things could be different this time around. But

  1. He’s awful with money to the point bailiffs have come to our house before
  2. His parents were controlling towards me and intervened in our marriage a lot and despite at one point seeing this, he now doesn’t see anything wrong with them and denies any controlling behaviour and minimises their wrongdoing
  3. He’s an avoidant when he’s called out on the above. He isn’t scared of intimacy but when he’s confronted about the above he says he feels suffocated and wants to shut the convo down or leave the room
  4. He finds it difficult to take accountability.

The reasons why I wonder if I’d regret divorce

  1. My daughter does love him and I’ll always wonder if we could’ve made it work for her
  2. He’s not a bad person, he had undiagnosed ADHD and autism until he met me and has had childhood trauma that he refuses to accept. He has learnt avoidant behaviours to survive but now he applies that to our marriage and sees everything as an attack
  3. Ive never seen evidence of any cheating or anything sinister like that

I think for a lot of people the cons outweigh the pros I guess, but I’ll always wonder what if?

Despite saying he wants to try again, he hasnt done much to try again. We went out as a family last Thursday but that was suggested by me. Apart from that he’s not really done anything. He says he’s hurt as I did do a social services referral following our separation as I felt uncomfortable sending my daughter to his parents house after how controlling they were with me and how they’ve at times over stepped the mark when it came to her. The assessment concluded that there’s no evidence of current harm towards her. He says he’s finding it hard to move past the fact that I called social services for an assessment despite the fact I clarified I did this for peace of mind given my lived experiences from living there. But he says he wants to try again?

Edited

The reasons for leaving him sound perfectly valid and sensible.

The reasons listed for staying sound like crap - "for the sake of the child/ren" because he might have a mental illness, and because he isn't violent or a pervert, that you know of!

I doubt anyone takes divorce lightly and in most cases there has to be something fundamentally wrong in the relationship for someone to take what can be a traumatic and expensive path.

People don't do it on a whim, and whilst some might dislike being on their own or wish they were still in a bigger house getting their socks washed and their dinner cooked, especially the men ;) I bet there are very few who truly regret getting divorced, assuming they were the one instigating it.

whatwouldlilacerullodo · 25/02/2026 23:10

No! Think of how awful it will be for your DD when you separate again! Don't do that to her!

BTW, having parents who are amicable and can coparent is a fantastic thing to give to a child! Much better than parents in a mediocre marriage.

AltitudeCheck · 25/02/2026 23:07

'Not a bad person' and 'no evidence if cheating' aren't reasons to spend your one precious life with someone! If he doesn't bring joy, peace and stability to your lives then cut him loose!

Your daughter can have a lovely relationship with him without you being married to him.

She's just got used to you being apart, it'll confuse her so much if you get back together and go on to split up again. Don't mess with her head.

He has done nothing to change... all that has changed is that 6 months have passed. A very difficult six months that you'd have to go through again when you do finally divorce him.

Original poster
user2466 · 25/02/2026 23:05

I’m not 100% sure if he’d sit with a counsellor and dicusss our issues. He finds it hard to open up to people he doesn’t know

OP posts:
ChalkOrCheese · 25/02/2026 23:05

He's not a catch so why settle?

No disrespect but your child isn't an excuse to cling to the safety of what you know.

Commit to the divorce and stop paddling in the pool of family dinners. It's confusing for everyone. I remember my parents having the odd cup of tea after the divorce during handover and despite each having partners I used to like to pretend they were together for a little while. Just don't X

Original poster
user2466 · 25/02/2026 23:05

@sesquipedalian he lacks proper work ethic. So the issue isn’t giving me financial control, it’s the fact that he gets too overstimulated and can’t hold down a proper job. He’s now self employed and drives for Uber but then he procrastinates and gets distracted.

His parents are very influential and influence him a lot and he doesn’t see an issue with that anymore. But at one point he did start to see it and because of that he went NC for 1.5 years on and off but he had a random epiphany for them and decided they’re not that bad now (they’ve been helping him with his debt)

OP posts:
MySpiritAnimalIsAPanda · 25/02/2026 22:59

Absolutely not but I didn’t realise then how badly I had been treated. It’s called coercive control now - looking back I can’t believe I let it happen to me so easily. We didn’t have children though thank God, the thought of being tied to him for ever fills me with dread.

Maybe if you’re not 100% you could try relationship counselling and see how you feel after that? Good luck whatever you decide

Parrotstwice · 25/02/2026 22:59

user2466 · 25/02/2026 22:38

In the process of figuring out if I should divorce my husband. But also not sure as to whether I’ll look back and regret it which made me wonder how many people actually do regret it?

Could you try and trial separation?
Im in the process of this now.
Not going down the legal route if divorce but just moving out nearby abd living separately for a while to see how that feels.
There's no abuse in my situation and I know my husband is a good man and a good father. I just feel like we may be happier apart.
So not making any final decision until we have lived apart and can make it together.
Maybe we will miss each other and the life we had. Maybe we will find we are both happier.

halftermhalfawake · 25/02/2026 22:59

Noooooo

YourNeedyTaupeCat · 25/02/2026 22:59

@Offleyhoo
I actually know several people, men and women, who really regret leaving their partner but can't now turn the clock back as the partner is remarried.

D you know why they regret it?

arethereanyleftatall · 25/02/2026 22:58

lol. Um. No. 😂

SingAling · 25/02/2026 22:57

He'd have to prepared to give you full responsibility for money and to put up a firm barrier with his parents to be given a second chance. It doesn’t look likely he’ll accept these.

sesquipedalian · 25/02/2026 22:57

OP, if you still love him, and if he agrees to let you take charge if finances, it could work. You will have to speak with him about his DPs - after six months apart, point out how inappropriate any sort of intervention from your in-laws would be. Your daughter loves him, and nobody, ever, will be as invested in your child as their parents. You say there’s no cheating and clearly he’s never been unkind to you, which are both reasons many marriages break up. Have you considered, or would he be open to any sort of marriage counselling? If he wants to make it work, maybe counselling would be good for both of you.

JamNittyGritty · 25/02/2026 22:56

Nope, neither does he. We’re both much happier now.

i sometimes feel sad about not having family life with the kids but that’s just missing what might have been rather than what life actually was

ObliviousCoalmine · 25/02/2026 22:56

user2466 · 25/02/2026 22:48

We’ve been separated for six months and recently (about a week ago) he said he wanted us to try again even if there’s a 1% chance that things could be different this time around. But

  1. He’s awful with money to the point bailiffs have come to our house before
  2. His parents were controlling towards me and intervened in our marriage a lot and despite at one point seeing this, he now doesn’t see anything wrong with them and denies any controlling behaviour and minimises their wrongdoing
  3. He’s an avoidant when he’s called out on the above. He isn’t scared of intimacy but when he’s confronted about the above he says he feels suffocated and wants to shut the convo down or leave the room
  4. He finds it difficult to take accountability.

The reasons why I wonder if I’d regret divorce

  1. My daughter does love him and I’ll always wonder if we could’ve made it work for her
  2. He’s not a bad person, he had undiagnosed ADHD and autism until he met me and has had childhood trauma that he refuses to accept. He has learnt avoidant behaviours to survive but now he applies that to our marriage and sees everything as an attack
  3. Ive never seen evidence of any cheating or anything sinister like that

I think for a lot of people the cons outweigh the pros I guess, but I’ll always wonder what if?

Despite saying he wants to try again, he hasnt done much to try again. We went out as a family last Thursday but that was suggested by me. Apart from that he’s not really done anything. He says he’s hurt as I did do a social services referral following our separation as I felt uncomfortable sending my daughter to his parents house after how controlling they were with me and how they’ve at times over stepped the mark when it came to her. The assessment concluded that there’s no evidence of current harm towards her. He says he’s finding it hard to move past the fact that I called social services for an assessment despite the fact I clarified I did this for peace of mind given my lived experiences from living there. But he says he wants to try again?

Edited

6 months is the trap. You split, you crack on and they go about doing whatever nonsense it is they do, and then BAM, 6ish months later they suddenly get the nostalgia and realise the grass isn’t always greener and try and back pedal.

People very rarely change who they are.

Oblivionnnnn · 25/02/2026 22:54

God no. I literally haven’t missed him for one single minute. I love my new life very very dearly.