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Original poster

Family wedding in US - attend or skip?

59 replies

WolfMother326 · 25/02/2026 22:20

I am American, have lived in the UK for over a decade and have a British husband and 2 small children. The kids are eligible for US citizenship but I have not chosen to do this yet.
My sister who I love dearly is getting married this summer in the US. I am having major reservations about taking my kids and husband there right now having read disturbing stories in the news about people being detained or separated while travelling. Also, it's just generally an unpleasant atmosphere and we've never felt particularly safe when going back as a couple - my home state is liberal, but there are plenty of guns around. We also had a weird interaction with border patrol on our honeymoon crossing into the US from Canada, where they questioned us about why I didn't want to live in America and 'wasn't it good enough for me anymore?'
I'm thinking about just going solo for a week for the wedding, as I'm a citizen. But my family in America would be very disappointed about my kids and husband staying behind. My sister has said she would understand but obviously is disappointed by the suggestion.
I don't know if I'm being unreasonable, as well are a white family and perhaps less likely to be of interest. I don't want to let anyone down, but feel anxiety about taking my kids there just in case.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 26/02/2026 05:51

I’d take the whole family, it seems a bit OTT to be so concerned when you’re an American citizen unless something you’re not sharing? My ex is always stopped when entering the US, no doubt due to colour of his skin, and he always tells the kids to walk through with their white mother if they don’t want to be stopped, but it doesn’t stop him travelling if need be. Your family will be upset, and it seems like a bit of a silly reason for you not to all go.

Jlom · 26/02/2026 05:48

Millions of people fly into the US problem free every single day. Hundreds of thousands of them do not have US citizenship. Gun violence has been up since covid but according to statistics it has started to decline in the last year.

I totally get why you are wary as the US has a massive gun problem (more guns than people) but I don't the risks are different. Some of the shootings are more newsworthy so it gives a skewed impression.

Fimofriend · 26/02/2026 05:38

jeaux90 · 26/02/2026 04:36

I don’t get it, I’ve been in and out the USA several times with and without kids, for vacation/work over the last two years including this January, including being in Vegas for work the day Trump was in town last January and not seen anything that worries me. I also have a sister out there who lives in a more republican state although definitely becoming more liberal. I have been there 20 times or more and actually never seen a gun. She comes and goes out of the UK with no issues as does her DH and DC.

What are you actually worried about?

What are you on about? It is like saying that you have played Russian Roulette many times and have survived and therefore it is perfectly safe!

A British woman was just held for eight weeks even though all her papers were in order. When ICE wants to see your identity papers they don't approach you nicely and calmly, they charge at you and slam you into the ground! A seventeen year old boy got slashes on his face from that treatment and they then dumped him in a random parking lot several miles from where they picked him up!

DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE HOW DANGEROUS AND STUPID PEOPLE WORKING FOR ICE ARE!!

JustMyView13 · 26/02/2026 05:27

NotMeAtAll · 26/02/2026 04:51

If you're worried, fly to Dublin (or Shannon) first and start your journey to the US from there. US immigration pre-clearance takes place at the airport before you leave Ireland. Anyone who is denied entry can just leave the airport or fly home.

That’s a seriously sensible recommendation!

NotMeAtAll · 26/02/2026 04:51

If you're worried, fly to Dublin (or Shannon) first and start your journey to the US from there. US immigration pre-clearance takes place at the airport before you leave Ireland. Anyone who is denied entry can just leave the airport or fly home.

mathanxiety · 26/02/2026 04:45

Just thank your lucky stars your sister didn't choose to have her wedding in Mexico, get the paperwork done for your family's visas, make sure your passport is up to date, buy your tickets, and go.

jeaux90 · 26/02/2026 04:42

PS I’d go with the DC for the wedding and tag on a nice vacation destination. Or yes just go on your own. No way would I miss the wedding over the social media anxieties.

jeaux90 · 26/02/2026 04:36

I don’t get it, I’ve been in and out the USA several times with and without kids, for vacation/work over the last two years including this January, including being in Vegas for work the day Trump was in town last January and not seen anything that worries me. I also have a sister out there who lives in a more republican state although definitely becoming more liberal. I have been there 20 times or more and actually never seen a gun. She comes and goes out of the UK with no issues as does her DH and DC.

What are you actually worried about?

MrsBenevolent · 25/02/2026 22:26

Eeek! That's tricky.

I think your compromise is a good one in terms of just going yourself. You can't please everyone.

Apart from anything else I'm avoiding going as I have no desire to support the US economy.