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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can I have another child?

65 replies

BlubberingBlue · 25/02/2026 21:22

I have two DC age 13 and 9 and I really long for another child. I am 38 years old, so time is pressing.

I am working in a new field which has given me a small pay rise and some progression opportunities. DH is in the armed forces. We have £30,000 in savings and around £6,000 debt for a car loan. We live in military housing and don’t own our own home. DH is 37.

Would we be crazy to have another child?

OP posts:
RabbitsEatPancakes · 25/02/2026 22:32

You're late 30s and currently have £34k but no property or other assets? But will get £70k soonish?

How do you plan to fund uni fees and where will you live after the military? Will DH get another job? Sounds a little precarious to have another baby just as your other kids are getting pricey and your income potentially lowering.

Can't really say, as don't know your plans but with everything getting so expensive, money rather than age/ upsetting employers would be my worry.

stichguru · 25/02/2026 22:30

My MIL has (had) 3 kids two with a 3 year age gap and then one 10 years later so 13 and 10 when youngest was new born. While she doesn't regret it, she would definately say that being a mum to a baby, young child, teen in her mid 40s to late 50s was significantly harder than the same stages in her early 30s to mid 40s with the first two, just in terms of the overall energy requirements of everything. Also I think she felt a little less in touch with the third child through the teen years, just because it was so long since she'd been through it herself or even with her other daughter. That's not to say she isn't an excellent mum to child number 3, or that you wouldn't be a good mum to another child, but don't expect it to feel totally the same.

Superhansrantowindsor · 25/02/2026 22:09

Could you cope if it were twins? Could you cope if the child had additional needs?

Mumofteenandtween · 25/02/2026 22:07

I know quite a few people who started ttcing in their late 30s for a “last chance” baby. Some got a few months down the line, didn’t get pregnant and suddenly thought “shit! Hormones! Crazy! Thank god it didn’t work.” and got on with their lives. Others got pregnant and are really glad their child is here. (Usually with a little bit of “fuck - it is hard!” In there.)

Original poster
BlubberingBlue · 25/02/2026 22:01

ohhhh very mixed response so far. I’m torn between not wanting to do anything which will negatively impact my two children, but also thinking bringing a new life into the family would be a gift to us all. Also, not wanting to regret my decision in a few years, if we don’t. It’s so hard!

OP posts:
Original poster
BlubberingBlue · 25/02/2026 21:39

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 25/02/2026 21:36

Out of interest, are your two the same gender?

No, I have one boy and one girl.

OP posts:
ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 25/02/2026 21:36

Out of interest, are your two the same gender?

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 25/02/2026 21:34

My kids are a similar age (10 and 13) and it seems like all of a sudden they’ve grown up and the years of them being little have just gone so fast and I miss them. Which makes me understand why you might want another little one. I’m a similar age to you - 39 - and we are financially secure (although nursery fees have gone up so much which would be difficult) and I know that deep down, it wouldn’t be the right thing for us. With both kids going into their teens and all that brings and how they’ll need us in different ways, I think we’d struggle to provide it if dealing with a toddler too. And I am also quite looking forward to having some time back to ourselves as they get over and not worrying about childcare. So in your shoes which are similar to mine, I wouldn’t

RockLobsterRockLobster · 25/02/2026 21:32

If you and your husband are both in agreement, I’d say go for it! Life is short and you wouldn’t want to look back and regret.

Don’t worry about your job, you have maternity rights and they won’t be able to discriminate against you for falling pregnant.

Original poster
BlubberingBlue · 25/02/2026 21:28

I worry a little about my current job and upsetting them if I fall pregnant. I sort of mentioned my kids being older and wanting to progress now, when I was hired for this role.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlubberingBlue · 25/02/2026 21:27

Silverbirchleaf · 25/02/2026 21:25

What happens after you leave the army? Where do you plan to live, or will you be in army accommodation forever?

Do you plan to continue to work once you’ve had the baby? Can you afford to live on one salary going forward?

DH will be given a payment of around £70,000 when he leaves the armed forces (a pension lump sum payment), which will help. We don’t know how far away that will be. He is a few years away from the end of his career, but they are giving many people extensions, and he is in a good position for that, should he want it.

OP posts:
minipie · 25/02/2026 21:26

Not mad but I think the negatives will be significant, for all of you including your older kids. I wouldn’t personally.

Silverbirchleaf · 25/02/2026 21:25

What happens after you leave the army? Where do you plan to live, or will you be in army accommodation forever?

Do you plan to continue to work once you’ve had the baby? Can you afford to live on one salary going forward?

Londonrach1 · 25/02/2026 21:25

If you and DH want one nothing else matters ..

Katemax82 · 25/02/2026 21:24

If you are in agreement, do it! You seem financially secure so why not?