Can I have another child?

That is a very odd response! You are told
what to do by strangers on the internet?!

You clearly have serious misgivings or you would have just had a third anyway. What anyone else does is irrelevant.

Surely if you really wanted another child you wouldn't let the words of random internet strangers stop you?

I was the age of your youngest when my mother had another child and I would say don't do it.

Teens actually need you as much as young children do, and you can't give them what they need if you have a baby.

I have two friends who have done similar, had a 3rd when the other two were pre-teens and teens. It has been hard for the older kids. There is nothing they can all do together as a family and the older ones have been left sort of fending for themselves much more than they had anticipated. Imagine trying to do a family outing with a 2 year old an 11 year old and a 15 year old. Most of the things the older two would want to do would be unsuitable for the 2 year old, so the older ones basically don't get to do what they want.

In one case it has also fractued the family as the dad takes the oldest two and does stuff with them and the mum is left with the toddler all the time. The mum has lost a lot of closeness with her oldest children and I think there is some resentment there from the kids.

It’s definitely not too late! It sounds to me like you really want a third baby, so listen to your instincts. I would go for it if I was you!

I don’t think it’s particularly fair to have another and be stuck in the toddler years while your teens go through exams etc, especially as finances aren’t amazing and DH is busy with work. They will probably love a younger sibling but ultimately
it just takes time and resources away from them when they need it. My mum did this (by accident) and it just meant we could never do anything together that was relevant to my interests, no chance of a lift anywhere or making it to a school event. In the evening when I’d want a chat she was doing bedtime and then tired. She was a single parent so it’s not the same, but very few people expect to end up that way.

I wouldn’t your life sounds pretty good atm but I’m not sure that’s what you want to hear.

Personally I wouldn’t. I have DC and SC ranging between 13 and 2, and it’s very hard to balance their needs as well as two careers. It’s not like the olden days where you’re at home and they roam the streets and climb trees. You need to be around for homework, extracurriculars, checking phones… Doing all that in perimenopause, with a husband changing career/lifestyle and potentially ageing parents is a whole lot of work.

I genuinely don’t mean this flippantly - have you considered a dog?

I do think that in a few years to come with teen hormones kicking in, menopause looming, and your older two having exams etc, you will be glad you don’t have a little one in the mix.

I really wouldn’t. I have a large age gap, but that’s because I had my eldest at 16, he is 32 now and my youngest is 18 soon (second DS is 21). I am approaching 50 and there’s no way I could parent a young child now. My brother had a later life child with his 2nd wife and he is 4 soon, and my brother is exhausted. He always says how much easier it was when he was in his 20’s like with his first two.

After your DH leaves the army, you’re going to have to buy a house, or rent. If you have a 3rd, that will mean 4 bedrooms required. Also it will be unfair on your older two, when days out and holidays end up adjusted or changed completely as you can’t do that with a baby or toddler. They will he studying for exams with a toddler tearing around. Yes, a new baby is always nice, but in my opinion that ship has sailed and i’d focus on enjoying your existing kids and enjoy the type of things you can do with older kids.

Obviously your choice, but starting again now will mean you’re not going to have freedom to focus on you and your career for many years.

Probably a bit of a life constraint for the older 2. And possibly a bit lonely for the youngest who’ll be alone with you from 8 or so onwards.

Don't you want to travel, go on date nights have the freedom to do what you want when you want

I would try not to worry too much about upsetting your employer (coming from someone that loves their job!). I think it’s important to remember that even if they like you, they wouldn’t hesitate to make you redundant etc if it served their purpose, so it’s good not to fall into the trap of undue influence on your personal life. It always shocks me how quickly you / the company move on from people when they leave, and how generally replaceable people are!

Plus if you are worried, you don’t necessarily need to tell people at work / your boss you were TTC - you could always make comments about how shocked you are to find out you are pregnant 🤣

I wonder what’s driving you to want to go backwards? Is it fear of leaving the small child caring stage? Maybe get pet!

I personally wouldn't in your position. Like everyone else has pointed out, your older kids will soon be needing you more than ever as they head into their teen years, and with that, financially things will get much harder too.
My little sister was born when I was 14. My brother left for uni, and by the time she can really remember, I was out with my friends, working, and getting on with my life. It was difficult being a teen with parents looking after a toddler, and there was resentment at times, as if I came home after 8pm, I'd be told off if the door woke my sister etc. I felt I missed out on that mum/teenage daughter relationship really, as she was tied up with a baby/young child and that was hard.
But, I did love having a baby sister, and would take her out at the weekend and spend all my wages buying her whatever she wanted 😄.
Me and my siblings moved out when she was still pretty young, and she says how much she hated it, as growing up she felt like an only child. She did her childhood completely seperately to us and she was bored, our parents were older and just not overly invested in everything, and she did go completely off the rails as a teen, which was a huge strain on everyone. I ended up being more like a parent than a sibling, which I didn't really sign up for, but couldn't see my parents struggle with it alone.
We're really close now we're adults, but there were definitely times when she was younger that it seemed like the worst decision ever made, and my mum would definitely agree 🤣.
I'm the same age as you now op, with similar aged kids, and I couldn't face the thought of having another, but maybe that's my lived experience. Plenty do and plenty say it was the best decision, but I know what it's like to be the much older child who suddenly has to fend for themselves and doesn't get to have the closeness with their mum at an age when they really do need it, and knowing my sisters pov of being the little sister to much older, absent siblings.

We’ve got three because we’re a blended family and although I adore our littlest it is really hard going. The older ones have no interest in the youngest one so constantly having to entertain them is difficult. Holidays are very tricky as most things are set up for two adults and two kids. It’s hard to do days out because the age gaps are so big so finding activities that suit all of them is next to impossible. We end up with dh taking the older kids off while I’m stuck in parks and soft play. As pp said there’s always the possibility of the baby having significant needs which would impact your whole family. Your existing children are getting to the teenage years that can be difficult.

Personally in your circumstances I wouldn’t. 9 years is a long time since you were looking after a baby. What would happen if you were ill or the baby had disabilities or you had twins. Unfortunately a greater risk with age. How would you cope and how would it impact your 2 DC ? How will you cope with a baby if DH gets deployed and you are on your own with a baby and 2 pre teens ? It would be a hard slog. In your position while there is opportunity for your DH to extend he will have to leave at some point and your finances don’t sound that robust if you have to buy a house etc and then potentially 3 lots of university fees etc. personally I wouldn’t count the blessings I have with 2 DC , focus on them and your career to build for your future once DH leaves the army. Don’t underestimate the upheaval that will bring to a family (been there) without the added stress of a baby / toddler. You also haven’t mentioned how DH feels about it ? Unless he is 100% committed it is a non starter.

There is a thread running with a lady massively regretting having a third. When your oestrogen declines from 45 ish onwards most women I know lose the urge to care as much. I really would struggle with parenting a younger child now at 50. Actually makes my blood run cold.

If you have to question it, then surely the answer is 'no'?
In my view, just wanting one" and being sentimental about "bringing new life into the world" is merely a combination of emotions and hormones, so not enough. But people often seem to think these are good enough reasons....

From a practical point of view, your children will be going to university before you know it, maybe at a time when your husband has to change careers, and money could suddenly become very tight. So your finances would be under strain. Everything is going well at the moment, so why risk it?

I know someone who had a 4th baby at 38, and unfortunately the baby was born with some profound disabilities that means she will need care for the rest of her life. This has had a huge impact on the family and the older DC are now losing out on time with their parents due to the high needs of their youngest sibling.
These things become more common as the age of the mother and father increases.
Make sure you go into this with your eyes wide open.

Toddler, teenager and peri menopause, can’t think of a better combination 😂

Is it your hormones talking? Many women feel broody at your age

Sorry @BlubberingBlue but no way would I have a third if I had 2, I was going to be 40 when the third would be born, and my youngest was 8. No way. I would stop at 2.

I have 2 (quite close together,) and I had them at around 30. I had a HUGE craving for another baby at 39-40, and DH and I even gave it a go. Nothing happened. Whilst I felt a bit downhearted at the time, I could not be more glad (now) that a third child never happened (at 40-41.) I mean, maybe I would have been fine and never known any different, but I am so glad I didn't ...

Couldn’t imagine wanting to go back a stage you’re just getting your life back. University is very expensive now.