He’ll never get it will he?

That sounds like a healthy relationship!

YABU - That’s marriage, get over it
YANBU - He’s a man child, LTB

What bizarre options.

I never know when our car is due an MOT, service, oil change etc etc. DH has always dealt with it. I would hope if this was ever an issue for him then he would discuss it with me and not just decide one day that he's had enough and is leaving because he resents me.

But thats ridiculous. YOU wouldn't have to live off chips. YOU would cook for yourself/children

Why are you trying to find excuses not to cook for him?

Are you one of the ones that start threads over Christmas about how harassed and put upon you feel @Beforeorafterchristmas

I’d tell him you were gobsmacked by his complete dismissal of how much easier your life would be if you had someone else cooking, and realised he has no idea that you only ever get a decent healthy home cooked meal at home if you cook it, 7 nights a week, 52 weeks a year, every year since you met him, while he thinks a magic fairy waves a wand and produces a meal. The gravy train is over, you will cook for yourself only until he cooks a nice meal, and from now on he plans and cooks two meals a week every week for the rest of his life although some weeks it will be more than two once he develops a basic skill set, and neither of those two meals can be chippy or takeaway, or you’re going to go out and hire the private chef he has had the luxury of having and you haven’t.

down tools!! Before you’re retired… and you have to cook every night.

What’s it like living like this? With someone you essentially can’t stand @LemonVenom

I used to be a doormat too until one day after he salted the food again before tasting it I decided he could fuck off and make his own food. Apart from Christmas dinner I don’t cook him anything.

I cook every meal in my house and to be fair I wouldn’t hire a chef if I won the lottery 🤷🏼‍♂️. I would eat out all the time instead.

Yes, that’s completely mad. DH does all the cooking and food shopping here unless he’s away for work. Obviously I have other significant household jobs, but not cooking.

Op it's your life you get to curate it. Start creating the life you want.
Ideally it should be a partnership where both want to work as a team.
Of course men get it. The lazy ones will try to get away with doing as little as possible. What happens to them in other areas of life? Hard consequences,they lose a job a partner an opportunity, respect. That either inspires change or the victim mentality continues.
If your partner is in the latter camp then absolutely LTB if after a clear chat and changing your behaviour too.

Mine does 80/90% of the cooking meal planning prep. At any time needed that can swing in a different percent and I can take over because I'm a decent partner. Either of us could die Tomorrow and I know either of us could carry on the work load and mental load. We are both competent adults. Gender does not come into that's just societies bullshit gender shaping. The whole idea of poor stupid incompetent men can't possible run a home like a woman just needs to die a death.

He is either a competent adult that can participate In family life and a partnership or he isn't. Then you absolutely wouldn't be unreasonable for not finding a incompetent adult attractive, who wants to be married to a child. If he says he can't do it like you can then clearly he needs the practice so he can do 100% till he is competent.

I do 100% of the cooking but dh does 100% of other things- laundry, DIY, cleaning bathrooms, gardening etc.
does your dh do his fair share of other chores?

Do you have or want children? If so then it's a battle to pick because you're already default parent to him and the lazy reliance on you is not attractive or going to yield you a good father to your kids.

If you're not having kids, have cereal. Let him be skint and fat and see how you feel after 2 months of that. Massive passion killer. No doubt you'll then worry about wasted money and his health.

There are better men our there. And if you were single you wouldn't have to manage his life or selfishness.

And society wonders why women are choosing to be single and having less kids 🤨 mystery.

DH made a comment on an article he read that most people eat the same six meals and need to mix it up. Found it absolutely enraging! Who has the headspace in the supermarket to conjure up new and innovative fucking recipes?! It’s fajitas /veggie chilli /Japanese salmon or Thai stir fry like it or bloody lump it.

So tell him he either does half the cooking or you will stop cooking for him.

Surely he wouldn’t want your DC’s to live on takeaway food? Divide up the week between you as to who cooks the evening meal. What else doesn’t he do for the home?

My husband and I share the cooking, as we both enjoy it. But I never understand these kind of posts. If DH never cooked, and I wanted him to, I'd say "Right, I'm sick of doing all of the cooking. From tomorrow, you're doing half, and I want to eat properly so no takeaways, you lazy shit!" And he'd know I meant it.

I suggest it’s you buying the lottery tickets OP.

Out of curiosity, what was he spending his half on ?

Just stop doing it.

Do you expect your children to grow up the same way. Cause that’s the example you are teaching them.

What kind of example are the two of you setting @Beforeorafterchristmas

A mother who martyrs herself in the kitchen, clearly in a grump about it.
A father who lies prone on the sofa as his wife clashes around night after night in the kitchen.

Ps op men will never ever get it. If I’d have said what you said but ‘cleaner’, dh would have laughed and said ‘but it’s fine’. Yes, our house is clean enough already- because on my days off I spend three hours trying to hammer it back into shape!!

Why do you think “that’s marriage, get over it”.

No one except yourself is forcing you to martyr yourself by cooking for him every day and planning meals to suit his various diets.

Did you say that to him though? Talk to him and tell him. Dh is the cook of the family, I’m horrific and now he’s back in the office 5 days a week it’s very much dawning on me how much I leaned on him

I work part-time, so I take on the majority of the household tasks. My husband works full-time, but he does a share for example: life admin, food shopping (and decides on meals), cooks on the weekend, any gardening, cleaning cars, arranging for our cars to be serviced/MOT/repairs etc and vacuums the house.

You need to cut back what you do, so that your husband can see what you do. My husband appreciates the things I do, more so since I fractured my foot and wasn't allowed to do a bean for 2 weeks!! My husband had to work full-time and do everything at home...it made him realise exactly what I do!!!

A side point but I've always said i could happily go vegetarian if I had a really good vegetarian chef planning and cooking my meals for me. I'd definitely pay a chef if I won the lottery.

I haven't voted, but you definitely need to rebalance things somehow.